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-   -   Locked up :| (https://www.menewsha.com/forum/showthread.php?t=144009)

Raven-is-untamed 11-23-2009 01:56 AM

Locked up :|
 
In the back of my head
I see your face
All the lies you told
and the past i cant replace

I never wanted to be with you
but still you made me
you locked me up
why cant you just let me be

After you locked me up
you forgot about me
Barley ever came back
you just throw away the key

I felt trapped and lonely
All i did was cry
No one ever helped me
I wanted to die.

But one day
i stopped allmy crying
all my complaing
all my whining

I stood up for myself
I broke free from the chains and you
I noticed how much happier lif was
and all the things i could do

Life is better without chains and locks
without you telling me what to do
you always told me you loved me
But i never did love you.

fuyumi_saito 12-02-2009 03:19 AM

I really like it mainly because I understand where you're coming from. I got a little teary eyed XD *embarrassed* .. anyway I think you did a good job. I think you could add a bit more creativity to it. But overall a good job, a good display of emotions ^^

Ainoryoku 12-02-2009 11:22 AM

Can I criticize, please?~
well, the main fact is that: is totally untrue that you didn't love that person. As I understand there is a lover, and lovers are best friends too [[I don't know how much this applies for you]]
it is too harsh to say that you never loved that person. you both shared the same love, you still love or, now, you lost hope and don't WANT to love anymore. that is something else~
________

In rest, i really love this poem, is really really good~ same here, almost crying :( I mean, i felt the emotions coming from the poem.
this is really a nice job~<3


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