A couple of story beginnings I need critiqued..
 

Here's the first one. Kit is a red fox furre.
Kit slammed the front door shut, not bothering to flip the light switch--he knew his own home well enough to maneuver in the dark. He tossed his keys onto the dining room table, causing an earsplitting racket that grated on his frayed nerves. He pulled a chair out from the table and collapsed into it.
“So damn tired.” He shut his eyes tight. His shift at the bar had ended several hours ago, but his night hadn’t. After a few drinks, he’d gone to a local club, where he met several ladies who were (in Kit’s opinion) either drunk or desperate enough to go back to his place…yet here he sat, half-drunk and alone. He was tired of coming home to an empty house, smelling of liquor and sweat; tired of countless nights, countless women, and no love. He sighed and pushed himself out of his chair. Slowly, morosely, he made his way upstairs to his bedroom. After pulling his door shut (something about open doors bothered him), he undressed and let himself fall onto the bed. Kit drifted off after a few moments, and dreamt dreams of passion.

And here's the other. It's set in Berlin, I think.. Yeah. Katja Fuchs is a grey fox furre, as I'm sure you'll gather more easily than the above writing..
A light cast long shadows on the sidewalk as someone emerged from the small apartment complex on Goethestrasse. A slender grey vixen gracefully descended the few steps to the street, leaping from the last. She sauntered down the sidewalk, tail held high, obviously in good spirits. The reason for her obvious joy became clearer as she giddily approached a building that literally shook from within. Bassy techno could be heard a from a good distance. Colored lights flickered at the door where a hefty puma stood imposingly. This was one of the most popular diskos in Berlin, and one that the young fox frequented on weekends. She gave the puma a nod as a greeting, which he returned with a grin and a wink.
“Hallo, Katja! Gute Nacht,” he bellowed at her good-naturedly. She winced slightly, then, smiling politely in reply, entered the club. She was immediately hit by a burst of bassy techno she so adored. She had waited all week for the sweet release she felt when she danced.

I've gone ahead and moved this into our Lit Spot forum. This is where you'll want to post any stories or poetry that you've written. :yes:

Oh. Thanks!

Ah, there's a lot more to the second one, critiquers--two chapters, and the beginning of a third. I'm a very slow typist, is all.. I guess I'll add to the above post as I finish more of it..

#1:

Since ‘place’ and ‘yet’ are not part of the same word, there should be a space between the ellipses and ‘yet’.

I hope the story ends up delving into how he fell into this promiscuous life-style and why he’s suddenly tired of it. With a line like this it seems like it’s going to become a plot point. I hope it does. =]

I wasn’t quite sure if you meant that he was dreaming of his, uhm, typical going-ons with ladies or whether you meant dreaming of actual love. Was that supposed to be vague?
Also, I think the sentence might have more punch if you cut out ‘dreams’ and only had:
“… and dreamt of passion.”

#2:

When you called it ‘obvious’ joy, I know you were talking about physically obvious, but I feel like it doesn’t work well with the sentence since you are about to tell us the reason. Something about calling it obvious and having to tell us the reason in the same sentence doesn’t really seem right. I’d cut out ‘obvious’ here and maybe put it in a different sentence.

You don’t need the ‘a’ before ‘from’.

Is she wincing because he bellowed? I was a little confused about that. If she’s used to this, why is she wincing at his loud voice? I just didn’t quite understand that.
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Is a ‘furre’ the same thing as a ‘furry’? Basically a person with cat ears and a tail? Just curious.

They seemed like good beginnings, but with so little it was hard to form a solid opinion. There weren’t really any grammatical issues, which is always a good sign.

I hope you get to continue your stories!

#1:


I've never heard of that.. I guess it makes sense, though. :)


It's definitely a big part. I think the next bit I write will be a flashback sort of thing.. Would that work?


You know, I tried that, and it almost didn't read right? And yeah, it's supposed to be a little vague, but I guess if you want to pin a real meaning to it, you could say he's dreaming about a meaningful, possibly intimate relationship.

#2:


You may be right. I liked the way it was descriptive of her body language, but it'd probably fit better a few sentences earlier..

^^' Typing mistake.


I think it was supposed to be like one of those things you never quite get used to.. I have very loud friends, and I'm still not used to their voice levels...
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Yep--fur, furre, furry--it's all pretty much the same..

Thanks so much for taking time to read and critique them!