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Locked out (feedback welcome)
hey everyone I recently got some new voice recognition software to help with story writing. This is a story that I came up with in about 20 minutes this morning when giving the software its first proper try. I hope you all enjoy the story, that should contain any spelling mistakes. Feedback is always welcome as well, I look forward to reading your comments.
Locked out The sound of paws crunched in the snow. The cat is small black animal moved quickly towards the house the end of the garden. As the cat approached the house it stopped and sniffed the air, catching the center of the freshly cooked fish on the wind. The animal licked it’s lips thinking of the taste from the meal that awaited him. When the cat reached the door it halted. The door leading into the house was closed blocking his entry into the building. The cat clawed at the door asking to be let in. The door would not open and with disapproving and disgusted look the cat gave the door and "meow" and then walk back towards the garden fence and perched on top of it. The animal waited there watching the birds fly overhead. It licked its lips, watching these birds just made him all the hungrier. Now and then he would look back towards the door of the house hoping it would open. The smell of fish still lingered in the air as if haunting him. The cat knew he was still no closer to getting inside and getting the food left the dish. One of the birds that he was watching land in front of him on the fence. He though this is my chance to catch one of them. The cat stood up quickly and ran down the fence however just as he was about to pounce on the bird, scared away took flight. It stood on the fence watching the birds fly away and join its friends in the sky. “The world is teasing me!" It said to itself trotting back down the fence towards the house. Positioning itself near the window the cat looked inside. It sat and watched as its owner stood by the fireplace talking on the phone. Next to the fireplace was a bowl that had the fish inside. The animal watch its owner with disapproving look, the food seemed so close and yet so faraway. Then to make matters worse the snow started to fall once again. If a cat could sigh in disapproval that is what he would be doing right now as he watched his own move out of sight. It was then they heard creaking the door. The cats ears shot up as he watched the door to the house open. He jumped down and dashed towards the opening. The door was only half open when he finally reached it. He trotted past his owner with a high-and-mighty expression on its little face. "I'm sorry, Felix I had to answer the telephone" The owner said as they watch the proud catwalk past them. Felix gave an annoyed meow back to them before marching off to the food. When he reached the bowl he sniffed the air taking the smell of the fish before tucking in to the long awaited dinner. After it had finished the cat lay down in front of the fire. He gave one last meow and then closed its eyes and drift off to sleep thinking “its not such a bad life after all". |
AW!!!! wow!! so short and simple but sooo sweet and good! lol
well done! i luv it! its really nice!!!!! it really is! :) :) |
Thank you Amika im glad you liked it ^^, Still any feedback from anyone else is welcome.
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I like the perspective, its interesting. How often is the main character a cat, a simple ordinary house cat. There are a few gramatical errors, but those aside its a short, yet simplistically wonderful piece.
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Very cute <3 I like the idea. There were some mistakes. You kept switching between 'he' and 'it' to describe the cat which was a bit odd (either he has a gender or he doesn't, 'he' and 'it' aren't interchangeable). There were also quite a few places that you should have had commas that you didn't. Still, it was a very cute story. The following are a few notes on some times I noticed:
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