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My Raven
The wind whips around me
wispering in my ear " what have you done child, oh what have you done?" As i look around the only sound that reaches me is the pounding of my hear in my hears As i look down to my hands soaked in blood To the sword at my feet Glisning in the moon light As images flash through my mind of a great fight- for love and for land Even now her blue eyes haunt me her skin as pale as the moon My Dark haird Raven Of what have i done? I gave up everything to be with you he gave me his word No harm woudl come to you But as i return from battle Hoping for you to greet me at the door Insted i find you on the floor No light shining in your eyes My world turn to red As i pick up my sword and flee I shall get my vengeance! I shall take the life of he who took yours He who broke his word to me With a Crash and a Bang I entered his hall Demanding his head Or Die trying i would The battle raged on till the last candle blew out I have lost my love, my life The blood on my hands is my own As the wind whispers to me i crawl to you My dark haired Raven Only in death can we be together Only now... Can i have you as mine My dark hair beauty My Raven. |
I really like this poem. Its very.. different to other poems. Very creative :)
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The connotations of your title immediately set a mood and almost a setting for you poem. Whether you did this intentionally or if it was an accident -- I like that about it.
A well-meant tip I give you is to be careful about your spelling/capitalization, especially in poetry. With poetry, then, a poet sometimes means to leave a grammatical rule on the wayside, or they mean to forget to capitalize a certain word to give something more emphasis or style. If you mean it to have regular grammar and capitalization, you should pay attention to this as it make the poem easier to read. Such as in line 5: Quote:
I love the almost medieval-romantic tone of this. I also like the shortness of the second stanza. It really brings out the second line in that stanza. ~ In the third stanza, you bring in two rhyming lines. I'm really starting to like your rhythm. Quote:
I like how you bring the whispering wind back from the first two lines, to after the battle scene. One last thing: initially when you said "he" in the poem, I was slightly confused, but everything resolved very well by the end. Bravo. I hope this review was helpful to you. c: |
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