Just a few poems
 

Here are just a few poems that I have written. I am looking for comments, I want good and bad. This is the first time I have shown any of my poems but please tell me which one you like and which ones need work. I would really like to know since this is something that I love to do. So please read and leave comments.

I wait and wait…

I wait and wait for the right guy to love me
I wait and wait for the right guy to hold me
I wait and wait for the right guy to notice me
I wait and wait for the right guy to call for me
I wait and wait for the right guy every day
But this guy never stays
I wait and wait for the right guy to finally see
I wait and wait for the right guy to find me
I wait and wait for the right guy I can finally love



I search


I love him and so I wait
But when he doesn’t show for our date
I go and search for him
I search for him where we first met
And where you caught me in your beautiful net
The place that held so many memories
So many memories that I don’t want to forget
I search for him where we first kissed
We had held hands in the park
Walked along the river
Then kissed as the moon rose high
The place that was sweet and held love
Held so much love that it brought tears to my eyes
I searched his house
The place that held to many memories
Both sweet and sour
Good and bad
But yet he wasn’t their still.
I call off the search
I head to my house and cry on the steps
He left me, ditched me on our 7th date
I cry into my hands till a shadow comes over me
It is him
Before I can yell he does something
He kneels down and pulls out a ring
He didn’t even have to ask
For he knew that the answer was yes
The worst day of my life became the best

First of all, I'm glad you posted them. c: It takes a little effort to let people read your work for the first time. ~

First poem comments: Short and nice. While having the same eight words at the beginning of virtually every line becomes tedious, it really brings out the line that is different -- I like that sort of variety, but I feel like you could think of a different structure for some of the poem.

Second poem comments: It's interesting to read this one after reading "I wait and wait..."

I'm wondering about the point of view change; at first you seem strictly third person, but in line five you switch into Second Person.

Their = there. Be careful of grammar/spelling things like this when you show others your poetry; it's not the end of you as a writer by any means, but having a near perfect [spelling/grammar wise] poem helps the reader. I get more from a poem in which I'm not distracted by things like this [being the grammar-nazi I can be.]
Also, I could be wrong and you meant "their," but I doubt it. Sometimes poets spell things wrong on purpose. Us readers have to be sure that you are spelling it wrong because you want to, not because of a easily fixed typo.
On a better note, I really like the next line. This one:
Probably because of the simplicity and the finality, even though it's not the end of the poem. Points to you!
From that line on, the poem is very good. I think that you have a rhythm that doesn't quite make it out in the beginning of your poem. Thus, my advice is to write down those thoughts as you normally would, and then once you have cranked out a draft, go back to the first parts of the poem. You have good details such as in the line:
Those can stay. However, a line like
could use some spicing up. And with some of the other things you say in your poems, you can most definitely give every line something special that the others will envy, and that will make a reader sad to move away from the line.

Another thing that is interesting is the change in the entire poem in the last six lines. It really makes me wonder the backstory; where was he this whole time, while the speaker is crying? That sort of thing.
In a way, I'm dying to know, but I'm also proud that you didn't turn the poem into an epic.

I hope my little comments have been helpful to you. c:

wow thanks you for the comment and yeah I was very nervous to post them. I usualy dont show my work since I am afraid of what people will think. But I finally got up the courage to show some of them. "I wait and wait..." is one of my best ones I have since I thought about it for a long time. "I search" I wanted to keep you in the shadows so that you can think of what happend and assume things. Your comments have been very helpfull and I am glad that you read them. Thank you for taking your time to read them.