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-   -   Need Critique "Laugh yourself silly" (https://www.menewsha.com/forum/showthread.php?t=146837)

purple_artemis00 12-26-2009 01:58 AM

Need Critique "Laugh yourself silly"
 
This may be a completely regional thing, but I really need honest critique and feedback on this poem. I'll never be rude or offended. Just tell me what you honestly think, please!


Laugh yourself silly in the mountains

We’re running Blood Mountain dry
with a bag of pot under the seat
and a blue-green river on the radio.
Singing praise Jesus, hallelujah,
pass me the pipe.
I feel those fish
jumping under my skin
and spring is coming on me.

When holy wars blow out the television,
a mouth on mine makes me cry
and it’s transcendence.
Under blue skies and a bottle of Boone’s,
our world says hush.
We’re all dying from something.
so it goes -
laugh yourself silly in the mountains.


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