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This is what it felt like to be an angel, an angel with broken wings..
The young girl's leg stretched out in front of her, her toes lightly touching the ground before she let her body lean on it completely, swinging around with the other in the air. Her arms are held up high on either side of her as she bends down and makes another twirl, this one slower, less rushed, before she falls into a canter, her arms low, her waist bent. The soft musical tune played as she moved, whispering words of comfort to her, as she moves so elegantly, her eyes closed.
Her hips slowly make a wave, before she stands, her face unseen as she holds one leg behind the other, her toes touching the floor, and one arm pointing forwards, as if reaching out for something, whilst the other sits at the back. That straight perfect blonde hair of hers falls over her eyes, and her eyes that were so beautiful, a mixture of blue and green, opened and fluttered as she flicked her hair away. Her beautiful coat fluttered on her back, the white feathers swaying lightly. Her heartbeat quickened just a little as a flash of his face started in front of her, slowly disappearing as if a cloud of memories were failing to stay with her. Her lids closed as she took a deep breath before opening them, only to start stumbling back in surprise as she looked into his eyes again, their faces inches apart. This was what it felt like to be an angel, an angel with broken wings. Her head is poised to the right, as she looks at the ground Tears rush down her cheeks as she stands motionless on the pavement She is so broken, so dead inside, she can't afford to look around her She feels alone, even if she's leaving in a world with others She feels a finger wipe away a tear from her face, and glances at her new friend She can't see him, yet he's still there, wiping her tears, comforting her She can still hear his words, 'It'll all be okay in the end..' But as she looks at him more closer, she figure's he was never there... 'Angel's can always fly..' I've heard this, seen this, it's everywhere, where they believe in angels, they believe they can fly too. Yet, I simply can't, its like.. when I set off and start my run, hold my arms out and feel the rush of the wind against my skin, I wait for that single moment that my toes are lifted off the ground, but they never do. I simply keep running until I lose that energy I had only a few moments ago, and shrivel up in a corner, depressing over the thought of an angel who can't fly. There seems to be something else, something that I cannot understand. A face that I.. recognize, yet don't is always following me, as if not accepting my victory, and I don't understand. My dreams haunt me with his face, his amazing chocolate eyes, his wavy chocolate brown hair, his smooth olive toned skin, and last but not least, the tingles his hands leave me when he touches my face, caressing me, those strong hands. I shivered at the thought, closing my eyes and reminding myself of his touch. So gentle, yet determined. A slight smile inched its way on my lips, as I remembered. What do you think of it so far? This was just something that I ached to write, and I have no plans to make this into a novel of some sort, unless this is really that exciting (etc..) Just wanted to know what you think of it. Also, what do you think of the character..? |
Wow, that sounded very pretty. I felt like the character was doing ballet in the beginning, which I loved since I taught ballet myself for a few years. However, I'm not really sure where the "broken wings" line is coming from. I understand that you're using a metaphor, but it's a bit confusing to me since you mention a man in between the "dancing" part and the "broken wings" part. However, it might be something that you were planning on explaining later, so if that's the case then you can just ignore this. *giggle*
All in all, I'm a little interested... but I don't yet know enough about the character or the story. Your imagery is pretty good in this section, and I didn't really see any major grammar or spelling errors. Good luck if you decide to expand on this any! |
Well.. I didn't want much detail about her actually, I wanted to keep it pretty simple but interesting. Basically she's an angel, and the broken wings basically represent the fact that she's lost a connection to her life.. I might continue this, so I dont want to give the whole idea away. Do you think I should continue?
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Keeping it simple and slightly ambiguous worked fine; like I said, it pulled my interest. As to whether you should continue or not, that's up to if you want to run with the idea you have. Does it pull your interest as the writer? That's normally how I try to base things... I don't want to write a story I end up hating.
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Yes, well I'll see if I write more, but thanks for the concrit :)
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