How do you "get" confidence and self esteem
 

I'm not super confident and dont rly believe in myself or have much self worth or self esteem... I continually fall for the "bad boys" who make me feel sexy and wanted and valuable... I've learned how to make myself look confident. I've learned how to act confident. I sometimes look in the mirror and tell myself i'm not perfect but i am attractive. so... basically my question is is there any way to build your confidence besides "faking it till you make it" or tellling myself "im smart" "im pretty"...
...I'm the girl that no one would expect to have low confidence and stuff because I know how to act and look confident, but deep down im so insecure

I believe that the main reason why you have such low confidence, is because you don't feel like yourself. You're basically acting fake, and how other people want you to act, or look like. You're going to have to step up and say, "Hey, there isn't the real me, I'm outta here". And they will just have to accept that. Also, you don't want to "act" confident, you want to "be" confident.

You also don't want to just tell yourself, that you're just smart or pretty, say that you are yourself. "I want to be who I want to be, not what others think I should be". And then, pretty soon you will be able to build up your confidence, since you are you are ^-^

I think that the only way to truly be more confident, is to be comfortable with whatever you are trying to do at the time. As long as you are comfortable with it, there should be no problems following through with it all. This being said, I know I dont have the confidence I wish I had. Trying to be comfortable(or accepting any consequences) can be the tricky part. But then again, somethings you do could just end up boosting your confidence if you think about how it is you can do that so easily. Which leaves me wondering why its hard for me to ask a girl out, but I can talk to her with ease...so Im going to go ponder this, and if you have more questions(or want a better explanation, which I hope I can provide) feel free to message me, and I will get back to you as soon as I possibly can.

I believe that you cannot judge confidence by appearances. You can't look confident unless you truly feel confident. You may fake it really well but there will always be that nagging sense of doubt in the back of your mind. I know that some people may tell you that you cannot gain confidence but I truly disagree with that point of view. I respectfully have to say that no, confidence is not something you are born with or that you inherit. You see, I myself have recently undergone a change in character. This year was my first year of high school. Back in eighth grade I was the girl you could be looking straight at and not notice until someone points her out to you. I was shy and quiet. I only had a few close friends and I was always self-concious and awkward. When I reached freshman year though I was determined to make a change and to actually put myself out there instead of hiding behind walls so high they hide my true feelings. One excercise I did that helped me grow more comfortable was I'd sit down every week or so and write a list of all my good qualities, even if they were as meanial as brushing my hair and teeth everymorning. I wrote it all down and taped it up in my room. Each week I would push myself to be more and more outstanding then I had been in previous year. But trust me, as long as you believe in yourself and your abilities then you can do anything.

Much like the first post said, just be yourself. If other people like it than that's cool, but your worth isn't in what other people think about you. you have a unique set of talents and interests and it's up to you to figure out what they are. There will always be people out there who think your cool no matter how you act.

If you love what your doing you'll grow to love who you are. If you're doing things because that's what you think is expected of you, or what other people want you'll end up killing yourself from the inside out- believe me, I spent about four years as a shell of a person because I was trying to be "perfect".

You'll figure it out :)

what do u mean by stay away from relationships? I'm not the worlds most uncofident person... but im just honestly saying that i could use some extra confidence, and sooo many other ppl can too

I don't think a lot of individuals are confident with themselves, period. Even the most beautiful and the most intelligent look down on themselves at times.
You shouldn't look to people like those 'bad boys' for confidence. If anything, I'd stay away from them. I believe they may be interested in one thing and if they realize what low confidence you do have, they could use it to their advantage and manipulate you.

I wish I could offer you a definite answer on how to acquire confidence and high self-esteem, but sadly I'm going through the same search.
What I do is I usually place uplifting quotations on my mirror and read them every morning. It usually helps me realize that I'm just a good individual as anybody else.
Thinking about your achievements are also a good thing. Have you earned a good grade? Did you do well in an activity? Simple things like that help you out.
Family and friends are also self-confidence boosters. If anything, they love you for a reason, because you are an amazing person.
Hope that helps!

Fake it till you make it >.<
To be perfectly honest I had zero confidence until I stopped caring about what other people though. Though that is much easier said then done. Personally I think Confidence comes from experience, you practice, you get better then you become confident. The more confident you are about different aspects of your life the more confident you'll be over all. and don't worry about confidence and looks. Models are the lest confident people you'll ever meet

Jordin, i know where you're coming from...i myself am very, very good at hiding my own insecurities, be it low self-esteem, depression, whatever. i've found the best way to deal with it is to talk about it; i'm close with my mom, so i talk to her about it a lot, and also with my really close friends. it also helps to talk to a professional who knows how to help you sort out these sorts of things.

in short: don't keep it to yourself, talk to those close to you about it. chances are, they'll jump at the opportunity to help you. i speak from experience!

To be confident is to stop questioning what people will think about what you are, think, do, like, how you act etc...
It's like starting to think by yourself, for yourself, and no opinions but yours really matters. (close friends excluded, they matter 'cause they know you).
When you're approaching something all you have to ask yourself is if it's good or bad, if you like it, if it's what you want to do, if it's necessary.
Then, just do it.

Once you start to be what you want, know what you are and do what you think it's right, nobody could bring you down.
And if sometimes it happens, try to talk about what made you feel not good enough with people who are really close to you. Ask their opinion, search for a external answer. If you really were wrong, next time you'll be right. :)

I used to have a really low self esteem... now I'm quite the opposite.
How did it happen? I realized I was sick and tired to bow to other people. Most of times, they're wrong as well.

Stop screwing with yourself like that!

Are you serious?! Don't tell yourself that! You should be saying "I'm perfect and beautiful!" And mean it! That's What I started to do and though I'm not completely confident or have high self esteem I'm trying new things that I've never done before and it's so great! Don't just pretend to be confident look at yourself in the mirror and tell your self "I'm confident! I'm beautiful! And there's nothing any one can do about that! Not even me!" Geez you want to try and get confident and then in the same sentence put yourself down. Don't do that!

I think that you can gain self-confidence when you realize that although you may have flaws, everybody does. It is the normal state of the human condition to have some positive qualities and some negative qualities. When you start talking to people about your insecurities, you will often find that they have them too. If you discuss your fears with your friends, they can reassure you and also help you feel more supported. You can realize that your problems aren't unique to you, that lots of other people have the same issues.

Its okay if having a significant other makes you feel more confident, as long as its not the only thing that makes you confident and as long as you know that you would be okay on your own if your relationship doesn't make it. It's okay to like bad boys, you just have to like the right type. It's okay to like boys with a little bit of a partying, rule-breaking, controversial sort of personality, as long as that fun side is tempered with them having their act together as far as school and work go. Also, "bad boy" better not mean "abusive" - you deserve better than guys who will hurt you in order to gain power over you, and you should never give anyone complete control over your life. As long as you make good decisions and associate with good people, you can definitely go for an independent-minded bad-boy type...just make sure there's really a heart of gold underneath all that persona.

Self esteem is a complicated subject..I think you need to realize that nobody is perfect..and just be the best that you can be.

This is from a forum where women discuss living with this double-edged sword. For a long time I've admired older women for their self-comfort, among other things and to know this support group exists is nothing short of beautiful.

BEAUTY: In the eyes of the beheld: Forums / Beauty Discussion

To "The Blessed Curse", #83...you did a great job summarizing how I, and probably most women (I'd bet way more than you'd think), feel about themselves with regards to their image and how looks can affect ones self-esteem, self perception, and life-style choices and behaviors. I used to have a life that revolved soley based on my appearance. My social life, my job/income, and my entire self-worth were completely wrapped up in what I looked like. I experienced all of the same situations that you discussed in your post...the jealousy, derision, snide remarks, distrust, gossip, false judgement, and evil stares from other women. And from men...the sexual remarks, gropes and lewd catcalls, again being falsely judged as easy or a whore, being objectified and wanted as a sex toy or trophy, used for nothing more than to be another notch in some guy's belt. I was always "the OTHER woman" and every guy I was with cheated on me. I was the woman who was great to take to bed, but not good enough to take home to mom.
I felt this way for many years and came to loathe myself. I didn't care what I did to myself anymore and got caught up in an ugly underworld. I just felt like a completely worthless human being, with not one single thing to offer anyone except for a hot body and pretty face and I knew that in time, those too would go away and I'd be left with nothing.

It took a long time, but many years have passed and I am a different person today. I have realized that most of what I was perceiving from others was a result of what I was putting out there. Not saying that I was going around behaving like a looks obsessed, easy whore...but I DID feel that way about myself and I DID think that was all anyone else saw in me, therefore my behavior and attitude reflected this, even in the most subtle of ways, and others picked up on those vibes I was projecting and treated me accordingly. Almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy. You truly are what you make yourself.

I became somewhat of a recluse. I stopped going to clubs and bars. I stopped dating for a long while and I learned that it's OK to be alone and that I did not need a relationship (or any other person) to make me complete and fulfill me. It would even be OK if I was alone for the rest of my life. I was for once, happy. I learned how to love myself, by myself.

After that, I found a career that had nothing to do with looks and I realized that I actually WAS more than a pretty face or great body. I had substance! Brains! Wit! I got my first ever Birthday party at a job. I'd never had anyone do that for me before and I finally realized that I had moved beyond a past where I thought I could only get by with my looks because I had no brains or skills. People LIKED me for me, and appreciated my skills and talents. Of course I still get complimented on my looks, and I still get the catcalls, but I appreciate them now and I smile genuinely and say "Thank you!". I don't get in situations where I might be groped or treated as someone's object. I don't associate with people who are vain, like alot of drama and talk about other people in a mean spirited way. I don't involve myself with gossip situations and my personal life stays personal outside of my home. I choose relationships much more carefully, and realize that those young, cocky good-looking types that I once was so attracted to were actually mirror images of myself. Looks obsessed, narcissistic, insecure, paranoid people who don't get enough out of life unless they are constantly being rewarded for their appearance. Those guys get bored once the challenge is over and you aren't enough anymore. They need that reassurance that they're still hot over and over so they go get it somewhere else... behind your back.

My whole point of this post is to let people know that in order to find happiness with others in your life, you must first find happiness with yourself. Once you find that happiness and figure out that you can survive on your own and actually be content, you won't care so much what everyone else thinks and you will then be able to make better choices in your life, who you date, where and what kind of work you do, who you let into your life, even places you go to on a Saturday night. You'll make choices that make YOU happy, instead of making choices based on the reactions or feelings of others. You'll start meeting people and realizing that they see YOU and not your good looks. Your self esteem will start to grow and in time, you will see things differently and carry yourself in a different way. You'll realize that your looks are only one small facet of the myriad of things that make up who you are and when that happens... you'll finally realize, as I have, that it's OK to be pretty.