Sould I be concerned?
 

Update: I finaly decided to just take my chances and go out and have fun at the con without him. But two days later he says hes changed his mind and wants to go now? Apparently he's interested in some gaming stuff (not card games video games) like he wants to see if they have assasins creed stuff or something like that. Anyways it threw me off becasue I wanted him to go with me so bad and then I came to terms with the fact that I'd just have to go without him and he changes his mind...

Lately my boyfreind doenst seem to be wanting to go places with me... We were going to go to a party and I had been talking about it the whole month and he said he would go with me eventualy after hearing how much I talked about it. The party was in a not so good area of town but I thought I'd be fine as long as he would be there with me (he used to wanna be a cop and got some of thaat training). The night of the party he decides he doesnt wanna go anymore because none of his freinds are going and the ones that whent last time said it was nothing special. I'm already dressed and at his house and everything and it one hour until the party when he decides this. His solution is that I should go with my friends (two guys asked me and I talked about going with one of my coworkers, one of the guys is an ex's friend from a long time ago who i recently got back in touch with and the other used to be my manager at my old job, the girl was a not so reliable one...)

I cried and said i didnt want to go with them that I wanted to go with him it'd be safer I didnt realy know my guy freinds THAT well, it was in a bad part of town and it would be a party with people all close to people and I didnt want guys i didnt know cles to me like that. He still refused and said something about wanting to go do something else. I whined about already being dressed for the party and how it only happened once a month but we could go out to the movies and stuff every weekend. Eventualy I gave in and was like ok we can go to the movies, he changed his mind and didnt even wanna go do that. We ended up watching a rental and drinking at home.

Now theres an anime con coming up and the same thing is happening again. He says its not his thing and he doent wanna go and that i sould go with my friends. I wanna go with him though. My friends are volunteering at tables and im afraid id get in the way >.<;; In additoon to this one of his freinds and his sister are going and he's like why dont you go with them? I told him that i dont want to and that I dont trust the guy. (he molested my best freind one time when we where all drinking, we walked away for like 5min and it happened) and I dont see why he doent want me to be with him.

I whent for the "are you not concerend about me being alone with all these guys and spending the day with them thing", and hes not. Then he was like "I never drag you places!" but he doesnt want to go out that much! I go to the games store with him although i dont play games and theres nothing for me to look at there... But hejust doenst want to go to the con with me. Earlyer in the year he told me how his freind got raped at a con by some guy in a suit and she couldnt describe him to the cops becuase there were a bunch of guys in the same suit all over the place!

I told him that I dont feal safe by myself, but he thinks if i go with the molestation friend I'll be fine. (he knows that his freind molested my freind btw) but I was like what if we get separated and he said "thats what cell phones are for!"

Im seriouly worried about this, I know I can't stay inside my whole life becuase I'm afraid and I realy want to go to parties and fun things, but I can't understand why he wouldn't be a bit more protective of me!

Also we had a disscussion of why I trust him and he onl thinks its cuz were dating. (which is a good bit but relationships are about trust!)

Am I being unresonably parinod or is this a problem?

no this is a problem dump the loser. he doesn't seeem concerned about you at all and thats just wrong and he makes me angry no boyfriend should be like that!

he said that he thougt that the only reason I trusted him was becauseI was dating him. not that the only reason that he trusted me was because we were dating. I think he was trying to point out how I dont trust people to easy but I trust him just fine >.< mabbe I just need to find some people to trust, I dont have many of those...i dont know I spend a lot of time with him so I guess he donsent see it as that special to spend time togethere?

Going places.
 

Well on one hand, I do think you're being a bit paranoid about going places and having to always have him there to protect you. If you feel like you can't ever leave the house unless one specific person is with you every time, you'll miss out on a lot of things. In general you're safer in numbers. Even if you can't go somewhere with him, you can go with your other friends and you should still be relatively safe since you're in a group. You have to learn to be independent. Always carry your cell phone. You should be fine. I can understand about not wanting to be in a bad part of town, I don't like going to the bad part of town myself either, though if I'm with other people it doesn't bother me as much. And it doesn't bother me to go by myself to places that aren't in that area. I go places by myself and meet up with my friends a lot of the time, especially since a lot of my friends are spread out around my city in different areas, we aren't all in one convenient location.

As for your boyfriend, he does sound unreasonable. I know how frustrating it is when you want to get out and do things and someone else doesn't. I think my boyfriend would be content to never leave the house for anything and spend his entire life in front of the computer or TV playing video games. Sometimes I feel like I am dragging him places. But I'm the one who owns the car, and I'm the one that makes the decisions about where and when we're going somewhere, so he just comes along, but he never seems all that excited or enthusiastic about anything I suggest. I might be taking him to an anime convention in March because he likes anime. I'm not even into anime very much, I'd be going more to meet up with some friends and hang out with them, and I'd be taking him since it pertains to an interest of his, but he never seems very interested regardless. I don't get it. :| He went to a convention with a friend of his several months ago, which I encouraged him to do, and he seemed to enjoy it, so I dunno.

Yes you should be concerned. Concerned that if he already doesnt want to do some of the things you want to do the relationship is not headed in a good direction. The longer you stay together the less he will do with you and manipulates you into doing what he wants all the time and you will forfeit your happiness for his. See if you both cant agree that if you plan something together you should go through with it. Otherwise you need to get used to doing things by yourself or with other friends.

Does he always force you to do the hobbies he likes when the two of you are together? I'm sure you have other hobbies besides going out that you like to do. Does he ever participate in those? If not, then he is being selfish, for sure. If he is, then he really just hates going out because it's not in his personality to do so.

It's not that he doesn't care about your safety. He didn't say any of that. He said,"I never drag you places." Which, first of all, is a typical male response when they know they are being an asshole and don't want to admit it. All guys seem to love to blame the girl when they know they've messed up and she's confronting them about it. Guys don't know how to deal with the guilt of it, so they deal with it in bad ways like this sometimes. They aren't good with emotions and dealing with their feelings, so instead of apologizing, like they know they probably should, they'll put the blame back on you so they don't have to be weak like that. It's not praised among men to apologize to one another like it is among women. It's more praised to stand your ground no matter how stupid your ground is. Just keep this in mind because it might be why he's not apologizing to you (although some guys are just asshats and this has nothing to do with why they don't apologize.)

Anyway, I think what he is saying is that he doesn't like going out at all. Some people, it's not in their personality to go out. I mean, he should try SOMETIMES to compromise with you about it, but it's going to be hard if you're dating a guy who hates to go out in public and you love it. I'm a girl who loves to stay at home. I'm with a guy who loves to stay at home. It makes this area a million times easier because we're really compatible in this way. No one is trying to drag the other person out of the house and feeling frustrated when they want to stay home all the time. This is an area where when two people don't match, they often get frustrated with one another.

What I want to know is, does he participate in any of your hobbies and likes at all (like watching movies you like and things)? Because if he does, then all this is is the fact that he just really doesn't enjoy going out. It's not in her personality to go out and it's not a fault to hate going out, neither is it a fault to love going out. He's shown that he can compromise in general (if he participates in your other hobbies) and that the real issue is how your personalities conflict with one another in this area. And if he doesn't ever participate in your hobbies, then you definitely need to analyze him in other areas of your relationships. How does he deal with fights? Does he compromise with you when you disagree ever? Because he's probably a really selfish guy in this case who is going to always make himself number 1 in the relationship with you, when the two of you should be making EACH OTHER number 1 and if that's the case, then you're better off just dumping him because he doesn't really have a relationship with you anyway. He's too in love with himself to be in love with anyone else.

And let me tell you this . . . . When he agrees to go places with you, he's 100% lying to you. He knows, even though it's a month in advance that he's not going to go with you. He just doesn't want you nagging him about it for a month. He knows he'll have to deal with it eventually, but until then, you'll be happy and nice to him, even if it's just temporarily, so he's lying to you to pacify you. Guys do this all the time.

My boyfriend does this to me. When he goes out with friends, I ask him,"Are you going to be out all night?" And he says,"Maybe." To be all vague and crap because he's scared I'll get mad at him or something, even though I never do. If he's vague then he doesn't have to disappoint me but at the same time he didn't actually lie to me. And I always say to him when he does that,"Cut the shit and just admit to me that you're staying out all night with your friends." And then he always admits that he is. See, he intended to do it all along, he was just scared to tell me about it.

So remember this and also remember that men love to speak indirectly about things like that when they see that you're angry or think that you will get angry. Really listen to his words. You said,"Are you even concerned about my safety at all?" And he said,"I never drag you places!" He didn't answer your question. He avoided it and blamed you instead. MAKE him answer your questions and don't let him distract you using blame or confuse you using vague phrases that you could interpret the way you want it to mean, but he really doesn't mean it that way. Guys complain about how women don't speak their mind directly all the time and how they feel that we have to read their minds, but it's the same with them. You have to look at the places in his speech where he avoids talking about a subject (which he'll only do if he feels emotional or upset about it in some way or feels like he disagrees with you about it and is scare od you getting angry) and make sure to push him to talk about those places the most because they are where the true problems he is having lies.

@the enchanted tiara- Thanks for the consideration and advice, in response to your questions. We pretty much do the same thing all the time (watch movies every weekend, we used to work at a movie theater and have a love of movies) we don’t have a lot of money but he has a really big movie collection and there is a lot that I haven’t seen as I am a relatively new fan of movies. We go thrift shopping together every once in a while and I normally find more clothes than he does. Once early in the year we took free dancing lessons but he has two left feet and got frustrated after about a month and said he was never going back because he wasn’t getting any better. I was sad but it was getting to the point where I had to focus on school first and that later. They still have them; I just haven’t gone back… (They make you get in a circle and you switch partners throughout the lesson so I get to dance with him once and there is this CREAPY OLD GUY that is always trying to dance with me) During the week he plays video games while I work on homework and then we eat dinner and go to sleep. On the weekends we either watch the movies that he has or rent some or get them bootlegged from friends. Other than going shopping or going to get movies the con and the party have been the first things out of routine that I’ve wanted to do with him. I have a bible study and an anime club at my school that I’ve recently started going to irregularly (depending on homework) without him, they’re both not his thing, especially the bible thing. I haven't asked him to go to either of them.

He used to go to parties a lot when he was my age but I think he’s grown out of it a bit? We have an age gap. He's 24 I'm 18. Our bith day is on the same day so we are exactly six years apart. We've also been going out for a year and a half. He's gona and done a lot of different things than I have. He grew up with a lot of freedom, but I was pretty much restricted my whole life. (Ex. I dont play video games or watch TV and I have horribly limited musical knowledge)

As far as fights go they are normally started out as communication errors or me changing my mind or not being able to make up my mind. We are both stubborn too. I know I have problems apologizing but I have to him some times when I feel it is necessary and I feel like I overreacted. He never apologizes but he has walked up to where I live (a 30min walk) just to ‘talk to me about whatever I is I’m doing that is bugging him. During these situations we both have found other things do separate but always end up together afterwards.

Possibilities: He might be tired or depressed. Wanting to stay in a lot is a sign of depression. I like cooking for my boyfriend but he still takes me out. We try to do both once a week so it juggles things. With all the icky snow it makes that harder.

I would talk to him about it but stay calm and cool. Try not to cry. You can't desensitize him to the secret weapon. If there is underlying issue you have to try your best to support him. Remember to consider your feelings as well as his. You can be a little selfish as you tell him what you want. Work on finding common ground. It's the best thing you can do! If it doesn't work out then break up but talk things out and stay friends if possible.

@runes he's deffinetly not depressed. But we are stressed out a lot because of family, work and bills. I also cry pretty easy >.< cant help it...I've tried to support him for a long time, I think I'm just not good at it any more or that he doent need the support like he used to. (he lost his job at one point and I paid his cell phone bill so he could recive calls and make calls to get a new job, now he has a great paying job. back then I had more money than him but now he has more money than me.)

I posted this at the top but here it is again just in case >.<Update: I finaly decided to just take my chances and go out and have fun at the con without him. But two days later he says hes changed his mind and wants to go now? Apparently he's interested in some gaming stuff (not card games video games) like he wants to see if they have assasins creed stuff or something like that. Anyways it threw me off becasue I wanted him to go with me so bad and then I came to terms with the fact that I'd just have to go without him and he changes his mind...

You have mentioned Family issues before, they don't want him to really move on. I would concerned with depression. It's an ease hide.