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Eating Issues?
So I'm really self-conscious. I look in the mirror and I swear I see a woman who would break a chair by sitting in it. I suppose part of it is because when I was younger, I was extremely obese and when we moved, I lost all the weight by myself. Ever since then, however, I've been extremely self-conscious almost to the point of paranoia and since I've never been introduced to the ideas of self-esteem, that had a terribly negative effect on me. According to everyone else, though, I'm thin, I just have curves. I think I'm fat. Especially now since I've been eating more than I used to and my control over what I eat is less powerful than what it used to be. I hate feeling this helplessly impulsive and it's only served to make me think even less of myself and despise my appearance more. I feel like I'm going crazy and I always wished I could look pretty and thin. >< I've always dreamt what it might be like to be beautiful, but I've never -felt- beautiful. Not with my round face, my freckles and brown coloured eyes. Or my fat, icky figure. T__T I wish my boobs were bigger, my waist smaller and my hips more narrow. I just hate feeling this fat, being afraid to look in the mirror because of my reflection. [endrant/]
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Please please please seek help from a counselor, therapist, or doctor.
Anorexia is a disease that will only get worse if you let it fester. I've seen it destroy more than enough of my friends' lives to know this. There is nothing wrong with you - A lot of girls feel like ugly ducklings when they are younger and are unhappy with their appearance. But the second that you start stressing your body out and feeling disgusted with yourself then it's time to seek outside help. This is something that is very difficult to fight on your own. After all, you can't just change how you feel. If you feel a bit too self conscious to jump straight into counseling, try checking out some support groups online. I'll see if I can find some for you. :yes: Edit: These seem pretty nice, give them a look if you have the time. Something Fishy Recovery Friends Recover Your Life Recovery Resources Support Network |
In my honest perspective; I don't think you have anorexia, and I don't think you need serious help.
You're experiencing the questions that young women ask themselves all the time, "Am I beautiful, am I good enough, am I attractive enough?" I wouldn't call that paranoia, it's just self-awareness and trying to figure out what you want for yourself. See, based on what you said, I went through a similar situation. I think I'm on the fat side, and I've considered many times of going on extreme diets and flat out starving myself. But I never went through it because I like and accept myself for who I am, and I also understand that there will just be some people out there who won't think I'm attractive period--but that's okay. The point is, I've accepted the fact that I have curves, and instead of rejecting how my body looks, I just make sure I do what's right for myself by getting some activity in my day and avoid eating unhealthy foods. Mind you that takes willpower. It's okay to be curvy and have some extra meat, just make sure you're doing what you can to be healthy for yourself. And if you think you need to lose a few pounds, then that can be solved with some diet and exercise. It should be about what /you/ want, not what other people want to view you as. Don't dwell on just the negative aspects of your body, because if you do that then you'll never come to appreciate the good features that you already have. :) |
@Knerd- Thank you for the advice. I think I used to see a counselor long ago, though she didn't help much. For a while I bounced from one to another and then I just quit. Then I started wearing boy's clothes to cover up what I was ashamed of(this was before I lost the weight). Now that I lost it, I refuse to wear anything that's remotely baggy. I avoid it like the plague because if I wear something loose, I'll feel even heavier than before. c.c And I'm just terrified of going back to what I was.
@Deviant-That may be so, I just...may need to accept myself. c.c I don't have much time to exercise since I work almost all the time. And when I don't work, I sleep. It doesn't help that I work at a -Deli- where I'm tempted by fresh, fried food 5 days a week from the morning to late evening. However, I'll try to- as you said, look at the positive aspects of my body. -I- know my boyfriend does. I just wish I could see what they see. I think part of my problem is that I'm a perfectionist, so naturally, I look for the mistakes first. c.c And on top of that, I can be pretty vain. Bad combination, neh? >> |
I agree with Knerd. If you have self esteem issues it's better nix them as soon as possible. Remember you are beautiful and the barbie/brats doll figure is not real. Most girls are set in proportions. You boobs are going to match your weight and so one if you don't have genes that make them bigger.
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T__T I suppose so...xD Photoshop? People...photoshop themselves?
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Yes. They photoshop actors and actress' too!
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Why? What's the point?
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Of course people photoshop themselves. Some people do it to look better, others do it just for fun.
Any magazine cover you have seen recently; Cosmo, Seventeen, etc. ALL of those girls have retouched skin, eyes, eyebrows, eyelashes, lips, hair..you name it, they've tweaked it. It's not that they're particularly trying to cover up flaws(not that most magazine cover girls are ugly to begin with), but rather accentuate what beauty they already have. I think the point Runes was trying to make is the fact that there is no such thing as being completely flawless in reality. And while it's good that you keep standards of what you want yourself to be, being a 'perfectionist' is really an unrealistic and exhausting way to discipline yourself under because nobody has perfection. |
I guess it is.....I just can't help it. I'll try to...improve my perspective on it. Thank you for your good advice. Both you and Runes.
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I had the same problem..
The difference is that I did starve myself, everything I ate, no matter how healthy it was, made me feel sick and disgusted with myself. I'd be aware that there was food in my body and the thought that it was making me fatter by the second would stick with me for hours. This made me scared and reluctant to eat. Result: I went on hazardous diets. I found out about a negative calorie diet which meant that your body uses more energy to digest the food you eat than the energy you actually get by eating that food. My calorie intake was less than a 100 a day. It lead to a very high weight loss, but I was barely able to walk around the house during that period. The muscles in my legs ached as if I had run a marathon across the globe without me even moving all day, I couldn't even stand up straight. I had a CONSTANT headache and felt nauseas all day. I still thought of myself as overweight. Back then I thought it was normal to feel that way, I thought everyone felt guilty for eating. Now that the feeling is gone, I realize how unimaginably wrong I was. And you know what it lead to? My intake of daily nutritions was so messed up that now i'm FORCED to watch what I eat very carefully because my body tries to store as much fat as it can to prevent me from starving once my diet becomes that dangerous again. You're far better off by going to the gym and eating 5 small meals throughout the day, that way your body knows you get a regular intake of daily nutritions and won't store anything. You'll only lose weight this way, it's been proven. |
@Fashion- I see....That's a sad tale. I don't really have time to go to a gym though or the energy. I'm almost always burned out.
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