Controling?
 

For about four months now, my boyfriend has been doing stuff that he knows will guilt me into doing whatever it is he may want. Like the other day, he threw a big crying fit just to get me to stop playing a video game so that he could spend every second of the day together. My question for you is what should I do? I really feel like I need to get out of this situation, but I feel like I'm trapped because neither he nor I really have anywhere else to go at the current moment.

Please, I'm asking you to at least give me some helpful tips on things I can do to take back my fair share of control before I turn into his slave.

Break up with him. Why would you put up with that? He sounds like he's terrible and it sounds like you think that too. :/

also, why would you give in to that? You don't have to do everything he says, even if he does piss you off until you do. Stand up for yourself and whatnot.

Break up with him. No BF should be that way, you should feel happy around him, not miserable. Also if he does start to cry, kick me out or something. You need to take control also.

Easy...dump him and move on to the next one. He shouldn't be so whiney and demanding for attention, especially that early in the game. It's not like you two are married and you completely ignore him all the time anyway. It's good to spend time together, yet everyone needs some personal space. Tell him what you want, and ask for him to change. If he still doesn't...then kick him to the left. :)

Thanks guys, you guys told me exactly what I need to hear. You're right, I shouldn't have to put up with stuff like that and from now on I won't either he's going to change or I'm telling him to leave. I'm so tired of being unhappy and I think it's about time that all this changed.

Thanks again girls. You really helped me!

When you look for a guy he should be
~able to be your friend
~respect your feelings and beliefs (about marriage, sex, religion, anything...)- If you have diff of opinion, to know how to maturely work it out with you.. if he doesn't, then he's not ready for a relationship
~give you your space when you need it, but you can still come to him
~able to make you laugh and smile about appropriate things (inappropriate well, not as good a sign)
~attracted to you in some way, cherishing you in some way, even if that means you are friends for a while
~someone you can TRULY trust and confide in, that you know you can from repeated experience
~able to take charge as a man but not be controlling.. in the sense you feel relieved to be in his company
~enriching your life, and you should be enriching his

Don't expect these to appear overnight. They come with the foundation of the friendship. Even if you like each other you should still have a friendship, still be there for each other to laugh with and talk with for hours.. to protect each other, ect. But if you do have someone like that, keep in contact with them and hold them close as a treasure (: whether they will be your significant other or will stay your friend, your company with each other is something that should stay in tact.

I'm not so worried about him being controlling as obsessive. Wanting to spend all his time with you? D= And not giving you any space? That's disturbing.

I personally think that being controlling is worse o-O for obsession, I know I get obsessive. Sometimes I show it, sometimes I don't but I think about him a LOT. But you can be obsessive and still respect what the person wants. The clingy/not clingy thing I think is just a preference.

Yea, but I don't think he was actually being controlling just because he guilted her into things. I think she used the wrong word. I think it was more obsession. My boyfriend and I guilt each other all the time. XD Sometimes on accident and sometimes on purpose, but it's not because either of us is controlling the other person.

Usually when people throw fits like that it's obsession.

Controlling is more subtle than that. If he was controlling her, she probably wouldn't have made this thread the same way she did. Because a controlling person makes you doubt yourself because they are manipulating you. And they don't usually do it by throwing fits. They do it by convincing you that they may be right.

I would call throwing fits immaturity or instability o-O I guess well just to me, being obsessive is being crazy about them. If you're crazy about golf, you're obsessive over it. you may want to talk about it a lot and dream about green fields but it doesn't mean that you'll necessarily throw fits if your significant other says they want you to spend some time with them instead. If you are obsessive and immature or instable at the same time then that is what might cause a fit. That's when you really feel like you can't take it and you're just going to fall apart. Sometimes it really is because they need more attention. When they are controlling then they don't feel like they need to.. it's more like.. they really want to and they think it would help something. Not that they are going to be miserable without attention.

Edit: Either way, whatever the truth is about these words, if she's going to be in a relationship she needs someone who can handle one and respect her.

It could very well be obsession, but in a strong way, I still feel like he's trying to be controlling because he does tell me things that I "have" to do. It's gone so far that he tells me what I have to wear each day and how my hair has to look. Granted I don't always listen, because my style is my choice, and nothing could ever change that, but it's just the simple fact that he shouldn't be doing that.

I understand that yes people do guilt people into doing things all the time, but the way he's going about it really isn't healthy at all. Sure pretend crying or pouting is okay because let's face it, as girls, we all do it from time to time. Whether it be daddy or a boyfriend, we do it when we really really want something. However, I think that pretending to be "sick" and stuff along that line really isn't healthy at all, and I think it's kinda cheap.

Yesterday we got into a fight, and he told me that he was done with everything so I told him that I'd pack my stuff and call my dad, yet when I walked out of the room to gather my things, he has this sort of panic attack and tells me that I don' t have to do this and that I shouldn't make decisions like that without thinking them through. How is any of that my fault when he was the one that told me he was done? Surely if he doesn't want to be with me he doesn't want to be around me. It wasn't just me saying "okay you know what, I'm leaving" I only chose to leave because he said he didn't want me any more.

I want to leave but I'm afraid that he's going to keep pretending to get sick and have panic attacks to try and get me to stay. And having my brothers take his side on everything doesn't really help me because they think that his panic attacks and crap are totally real, but me and everyone else can see right though it all.

Oh, don't worry. I believe being obsessive as I called him or immature/unstable as strange_dreams called him, which makes sense, is really bad. Who wants to be with a guy that way? You just have to put up with too much.

Yeah they should appreciate you for who you are. How you dress, how you think, whatever. I mean everyone has flaws but despite that and everything, to encourage positive change but still appreciate you.

Exactly. :)

Update:

About 2 days ago, I tried talking with him about it, but every time I said something, he threw it all back in my face and basically made it look like I'm the one that's causing all the problems and I'm the one that needs to change how things are going. I'm really starting to feel like the only way I can change anything is if I leave. However, the problem is that I don't know how to leave.

I don't want to not tell him that I'm leaving, but I don't want to tell him at the same time because I'm afraid that if I do he'll start his "girlish crying/ screaming" stunt and fake yet another panic attack and to be honest I can see right through it and just don't want to deal with it any more.

There has to be a way that I can do this, I just need help figuring out exactly how to do it.

Ok well first of all, in the situation of breaking up with him, would you still come in contact with him? I mean in the sense like, if you date someone from school then you might still see them in the halls or at lunch or something. Would it be like that or would it be more something that you would have to seek him out to see each other?

If a guy ever makes you feel uncomfortable or like he is controlling you, that is an IMMEDIATE sign you need to leave his sorry butt. A guy should respect you and give you your space. It also seems like he is getting obsessive, which can turn bad in a second. I've heard multiple stories about boyfriends who became over obsessive and it ended up really bad for the girlfriend. If he is still obsessive after, you should seriously tell someone who could help out with the situation in person. I hope you find someone who isn't like that. A guy shouldn't feel like he owns, can control, or needs to obsess over everything a girl does. Seriously.

----------

OK, update.
If he is doing some girlish crying thing, and throwing a shi* fit, that is a real sign he is NOT boyfriend material. If you can see through it, just tell him you're leaving (put it nicely) but leave before it turns into a fight or he does the fake panic attack/crying thing. You shouldn't have to suffer through that. Just simply walk out the door. If you live together, say you'll be back to get your stuff with a friend (be serious, and DO bring a friend when you go to get your stuff). If you don't live together, simply gather up anything you may have there and walk out the door. If you go to school tomorrow, just ignore him. Surround yourself with friends so he can't get to you. I had a guy who was really stalkerish kind of and when he would get near, a friend would rescue me. I felt horrible, but it had to happen, you know?

Really... We'd never see each other after we broke up. I mean unless I really wanted to see him afterward but to be honest with you I don't. I'd rather move on with my life when we're done and never look back.

I know that that sounds harsh of me, but that's the way I've always been with my relationships. If they don't work out and we leave each other then I never think about them again when it's all over.