Would you really want to know?
 

Disclaimer: This situation is based on a real problem, whether or not you believe it is directly related to myself, I'll let you decide. Forgive my rambling in places.

There's a couple of taboos in society that I personally believe most people have no idea how to handle. In this instance, I'm speaking of mental illness.

Picture yourself, if you can, in this situation:
Ever since you could remember, you never been able to feel emotions. It sounds strange, but it's possible. You've never been able to hate someone, to love someone. You cannot feel the despair of depression but neither the joy of happiness. Your existence is the careful analysis of other people's reactions, their facial expressions, body language.. along with reading books and movies, trying to grasp these emotions you're supposed to be feeling, but they're never in reach.

With this emotional detachment, there is the lack of sympathy, empathy, or a guilty conscience. It doesn't matter how hard you try, you don't feel the loss of your best friend, family friends in lost in acts of terrorism, trials in life that would normally devastate someone seem to only pass a bump in the road.

No guilty conscience either, which the harmful acts you could commit to benefit yourself would never cause remorse. Seriously wounding, perhaps even killing someone, would never be a burden. While you don't actively seek out to harm others, could such a coldness and disregard for life be concerned a danger to society?

Back to the subject at hand, what if you had a mental illness, would you want a professional opinion? Would you want to know exactly what was 'wrong' with you? What if there were repercussions with seeking such opinions? Whether it's through hospitalization or experimental drug treatment.

More importantly, as a friend to someone suffering from this mental illness, would you really want to know?

Would you really want to know that your 'friend' could not sympathize with you in times of trouble? That person would never miss you if you disappeared. That person was only your friend as long as it was beneficial to them, basically using you. That person, no matter how many good times or how close you are to them, could never possibly care or love you as a friend in return.

What about your parents? Would your parents really want to know that no matter how hard their daughter looks at them or how hard she tries, she can never love them?

Would the people around you, your friends, and family want to know that every smile and laugh you ever had, you were pretending just so they wouldn't notice you were different? Would your friends want to know that every fight or conflict between them had been purposeful, just because you were fascinated by emotional reactions and curious to see how they would respond?

Would you really want to know your personal relationship with this person was a lie?


Any thoughts on this would be appreciated. I apologize for the scattered organization of this.

Note: If you don't have the maturity to deal with this, I suggest you leave now. Also, if you chose not to believe me, I shall remind you I have nothing to gain from making this up, so don't waste my time with pointless accusations.

This is really curious. I imagine that this could have stemmed from something terrible that happened as a child to cause such a coldness or lack of concern. I think it really deals with how you were raised- surely every baby has cried..

This is reallyyy curious.. I could see this as how Satan would be if he were in a body. Lying and deceiving doesn't get anyone anywhere but down.

If this were me... I'd go to God about it and just ask Him why until I got an answer.

I can't fully comprehend this scenario, though I have felt numb and distant before- it's never lasted.

If this were my friend- I'd be extremely curious about it and start asking them questions and I'd try to get them to just act like their self instead of basing everything they did off of what I do. But I think there's a reason for everything- it depends on if you're content with how you are. If you weren't I'd definitely go to God about it.

I agree with Jehneefur, I really believe that you need to go to people and start asking them questions. I would also go to God and ask him questions too. I've never had feelings like this that have lasted longer than a few days, so I can't fully comprehend what you are going though. Maybe you need to find someone that you know will understand fully what you are going through and help you work your way through it.

-snorts- Did you just compare me to Satan? That's a new one...

Yes, it's very curious. I've spoken to a few psychologists about it briefly, but I probably won't be able to seek out consistent counseling until this fall when I start the new school year.

This isn't a fleeting thing for me either. I've gone through trials in my childhood, but even then I cannot remember a time before they occurred that I ever felt anything. So I have my doubts that they're the cause behind this.

Please don't take this the wrong way, but I'm hardly, very far from, a religious person so speaking to God... Well that's just not going to happen.

Are you trying to say you are a sociopath?

as a random bit, would that person also not know how to seek out a Vendetta?

I have a friend like this, He tries, and has gotten better, he wants a Girlfriend, but still lacks the expressing of his feelings, how he feels and such, its how his parents know him, and most everyone, he use to get called Hannibal and people joked he ate people, i think his best emotion in life is "i don't give a sh*t" at least thus far, people seem to think he is usually angry but he is not.

Wants and needs come into play, would they be alright being completely alone? not feeling the urge to have someone around at all?

I don't really now the exact answer in this question of yours, but once in my life I did wish for this, to have this kind of emotions. It hurts a lot when people just wanted to destroy you and hurt you on purpose, that it usually wanted you to freeze your own emotions. But, as I move forward in this little world of mine, I did realize that having that kind of emotions were being unfair to myself. It's not that it is bad to have that sort of feeling but trying to think and ask yourself, "am i happy with this kind of set-up?" We could give you an answers and advices or even suggestion in this questions of yours, yet in the end, you are the only one who could find that answer within yourself. It is all about pulling yourself out.

If I were a friend of that person, as long as I can, i would rather want know it and help her somehow. Thinking that the reason for her to be like that, might be because she is just lonely. That's what i thought off.. hehehe

I'm just going to throw a few thoughts up in the air that may be worth considering.

I personally do not believe in most things labeled a Mental Illnesses. There a lot of different kinds of personalities that could fall under different categories like good, bad and strange without actually being cancers in society.
Only a few hundred years ago people who we now consider to be mentally ill were the very people who were revered and called holy people who spoke the truth. The idea has changed now and these once holy people are locked away from society because they don't fit in to the clear cut holes and roles we are all forced in to once we leave the crib.

Mental illness or not, I don't think a person like this would be a threat unless he or she actually became a terrorist. (But that may also be unlikely, because even if there is a lack of feeling it doesn't mean the person question lacks of morals.)
I honestly wouldn't mind if my friend didn't miss me or sympathize with me. I actually like a blunt and refreshing opinion at the right times. There is a time and place for everything and every emotion or even the lack of emotion. If it was so wrong and unnatural why does it exist?
Why is it so disturbing? Because you cannot imagine it? What if it wasn't an illness at all? It may really just be your friend's personality to be unable to connect and relate to most people.

It is a personality trait to be over analytical and overly critical. Maybe this trait of your friend overrides the emotion. That isn't anything to be ashamed of, I think. It's a common defense mechanism. You could have just taken it to a whole new level.

Oh, and in every relationship you really do get something out of it. Material or not, there is an exchange in every relationship. Your friends are also wasting your breath because they have fun with something you have. You may even be getting the worse end of the stick because you don't feel anything, therefore are not enjoying the time you waste with them.

The Enchanted Tiara: You need to elaborate further on that term. I’ve only taken a General Psychology course in college and have not yet taken Abnormal Psychology.

WeRtheDead: There is no desire to seek out such a vendetta, but alas this is just simply a username based on a play of words.

They would be completely alright with being alone and without romantic relations. They view it as simply a burden to have the emotional baggage and responsibility of another person. Independence is greatly preferred.

Nissa: What would be the difference between a ‘friend’ and real friend?

Yeah I have been definitely getting the “I’m supposed to get help, right?” idea, more so than I actually want to get help.

There seems to me to be a lot more sorrow and suffering in someone’s life than happiness and joy. The balance is greatly off and leads me to believe I’m not missing a whole lot if people are generally suffering anyway. If anything, I may almost be lucky that I don’t feel the emotional devastation other people do.

Jomairah: I’m sorry for the hard times that you had and it seems like you moved forward, which is good. This is not just a funk or phase for myself, it’s a state of being that’s always been there and I can assure you I’m not a lonely person.

masked_egg: Psychology is a new and often mistrusted science. There is still a lot to be learned and a lot that is not understood.

You bring up some very good questions that I appreciate, but do not have answers for myself since I tend to find myself asking similar ones all the time.

I’ve thought about it being a severe defense mechanism, too. I’m not sure though, since I cannot recall an incident that would have triggered it. If it was just a defense mechanism, there must be a time when I didn’t have it, but yet I cannot remember such. Also, defense mechanisms are used at the presence of a threat. With that idea, I should only feel this during times of overwhelming sorry or happiness, but not constantly, not like a state of being.

Oh I do get something out of relations, they’re material and physical gains, nothing emotional, is what I meant. Huh, never thought of myself getting the worse end of the deal though…

As for your thoughts on it being a defense mechanism, that is quite possible... and i'll pm why

It's a good thing to know that you aren't that type of a person, a lonely one....and i agree that there is more suffering and sadness than happiness and joy in this world...Hope I wouldn't offend you or anything with this words,...why not try Ms. Vixen to find those things that makes you happy. Conquer this kind of mental illness...at least your trying to do something about it and not regret later on.

Im sorry if I couldn't be a much help to you...but i am always wishing for you to find those answers:vicky:

You don't need to have some mind altering, world shattering experience to have triggered this mechanism. It could have been stories, events or people you were exposed to. Even if the events, stories or people didn't directly act on you you could have put two and two together and decided based on what you experienced that being more calculating and critical is a better way to go on with life.

I didn't mean just emotional, I was talking about all possible sorts of gain. Which is why I mentioned you could be getting the worse deal by only getting physical and material gain.
Just because you like spending time with someone doesn't mean you can't stick around them for another reason. I myself have friends who I know stick around to use my clothes or my car, but I keep them because I know keeping relations with the girl will help keep me in school. We are also consider each other best friends because not only do we like each other but there is a need for the other.
Another example would be the kinds of people who keep friends because these 'friends' make them look good, they get along just fine and enjoy each other as well. They are friends despite the intent that most people would call malicious.

Every relationship has its own exchange and there are too many kinds to mention. It's a totally normal thing.