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The Attic
I wasn't sure about posting this... I am super scared about plagerisim and that crap. But I am. If you want to see me stories elsewhere, go to http://quizilla.teennick.com/user/bethanynel813/
Anywho, the beggining of this story started when I was 8, so I love this story, because it shows my progression as a writer. I adore conscrutive criticism, so throw it at me. I have barely read over this, so I imagine there will be hundreds of errors. I will post a chapter a week... the chapters get prgressively longer as they move on (::correction:: Actually, I didn't bother to put in chapters at all after a while, so... ::correction::) Chapter 1: The Attic. (this was written when I was 8, be nice) “I’m going to beat you upstairs!” Annie Fortmigher called to her wiry cousin Sarah, as she raced up the back steps of her oddly bare house, to her also bare room. Annie and her family were moving, and they were taking Annie’s favorite cousin, Sarah, (who was the same age as Annie), and Sarah’s two younger brothers with them. The Fortmighers were taking Sarah and her brothers with them, because they had taken them in when their parents died in a car accident.(Annie’s father died in the accident too) That was two months ago, but the Savers (that was Sarah’s last name) had only been at the Fortmighers’ house for three weeks. Sarah’s two brothers were: Jack, who was two, and Sam, who was only three months old. Annie was an only child. While the two girls were still climbing up the flight of stairs to Annie’s room, Jack came climbing down. Annie tried to stop Jack, but he lumbered past her and went through Sarah’s legs. This caused Sarah to nearly fall, but Annie grabbed her arm, reached for Jack, and caught him. Annie held a good grip on Jack as she climbed the rest of the winding staircase. They met Mrs. Fortmigher at the top. She thanked them, and then started grumbling about how hard it was to watch a baby, and a ‘Houdini’ toddler, and move. Annie and Sarah went passed her, and raced to Annie’s room. “I won!” yelled Sarah as she got into Annie’s room first. Sarah always won. She was a lot faster than Annie, even though Annie was just as skinny as her. Sarah was just a faster runner. The girls finished packing their belongings and brought them to the front door. The moving van would come in an hour. |
so far I kind of like it.
Got some good details could use a little more of description on the characters. =3 |
you wrote this when you were eight??? thats pretty impressive for an eight year old, when i was eight i was causing hell, not writing, you must have been a pretty smart eight year old. lol i see you have a quizilla! ditto! i am totally going to be reading the rest of your story XD
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