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Creative Criticism wanted
i wanted to post a few of my poems and get a little feed back. Please dont say "its trash and its horrible" give me a little insight. pleases and thank you~!
~To be~ To be loved. is there anything else like it? is there any way to be insured it? is there any way to live without it? To be hated. is there any way to ignore it? is there any way to stop it? is there any way to destroy it? To be unknown. is there any way to be revealed? is there any way to make a seen? is there any way to simply be? To be famous. is there any way to go back? is there any way to denie it? is there any way to hide it? is there any way to simply be? ~The lost child~ She was the one that was beat down, She was the one who was lied to, She was the one no one cared for, Whispers of lies, Whispers of rumors, Whispers of hatred, No one is there, No one cares, No one needs you, Your worthless, Your nothing more then a waste of existence, Your a freak, They're wrong. All you needed was a friend, All you need is that one person to be there till the end, All you need was that one person to talk to, to love,to be there, Without that one person the girl was lost, Without you think hate, think escape, think suicide, Without you just keep praying for the end, With that one person you are stronger then them, With that one person the possibility are end less, With that one person you can do almost anything for today, tomorrow, and forever, So is it I who is the girl or is it you? So is it I who is the friend or where you mine? So will you be there for me just as I always will be for you? ~Hurt~ We've fallen apart I've got a broken heart why cant we go back to the start before this long awaited depart then you hurt me and i hurt you the way i never wanted to we used to be close we used to be friends but all the changed with its end we had some fun on this great run but it has to be gone it has to be done then you hurt me and i hurt you the way i never wanted to So i would cry, beg, and plea in hopes that you would forgive me I was wrong to believe in that a false hope and thats a fact then you hurt me and i hurt you the way i never wanted to ~the dream~ Consumed by insanity hearing nothing but profanity crying alone at night searching for a light Trying to find the answer feels like dieing of cancer yet I am wrong life still goes on receiving gifts i shouldn't tried to deny them but couldn't to leave them in this place would be such a disgrace so someone take my hand and lead me to another land one without sin or sorrow and would last longer then tomorrow filled with people and happy faces that know sweater graces where you don't have to lie to feel like you can fly a place like that would be a steal if only suck a place was real so for now i dream of this place unseen ~Let us fall back~ Let us fall back. Into the places we used to be into a time where sleep came peacefully into a time where their was no drama and their was no lies between us we walked hand in hand down this old road where no one knows just where it goes Let us fall back. To a time where it was to hard to look Where we blushed when we spoke this love was so hard to control Yet it was so easy to trust So easy to be together so easy to be in love Let us fall back. Before this war before the fight that divided us before the lies and the drama before we where separated before this long awaited divide before the hurt Let us fall back. Just once just for a moment just to remember how it felt when we where together in love for what should have been... forever. Let us fall back. ---------- ~why do you not~ Why do you not answer my call, Or try to catch me as I fall? Why do you not call my name when I am near, And make it seem as if you want me to disapear? Why do you not look me in the eyes, And try to put on a vage disguse? Why do you never come near, Though you call me your dear? Was it something I did that wont let you be glad, Or was it something I said that made you so mad? Or did the whole thing fall through, because of something I failed to do? Is there something I can try, So we can see eye to eye? Please do not leave me here. With everything so very unclear. |
honestly i think your poetry is a bit immature, it seems like you rely too much on the rhyming scheme and fall back onto simple rhymes. a rhyming dictionary may broaden your spectrum a bit. they're quite easy to find online. the poem: let us fall back i think is your strongest. |
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