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Untitled - (Why yes I AM writing this straight from my brain to the forum...) Thoughts welcome!
She sat all alone. The skies were dark long before the sun had set and it was because of the melancholy clouds that filled the sky and threatened the populous down below with malevolent intent. They were supposed to have watched fireworks that day. She sighed and thought about sleeping. But sleep wouldn't come. She doubted it would even if she begged it on hands and knees. Sleep refused to show because she had become so accustomed to sleeping next to him. He was the only reason she felt safe and loved anymore. So much had happened over the course of the time she had spent in her life. She thought about different instances and wished them all away. They meant nothing without the scent of his skin next to her face as she fell deeper and deeper into the abyss that carried with it dreams of uncertainty and fear.
So she waited, keeping herself amused with games and chatting to any other soul she could reach past midnight in the world of the internet. Because it wasn't always time to sleep where they were at. Some of them were wide awake. Much like the city that never slept. The site she was on was much the same. But she wasn't much for staying in one spot. She knew if she did eventually her muscles would atrophy and she'd be left all alone without even the ability to run to find another. So run she did. It had been a while for a lot of things. A lot of things she loved that had been put on hold because of the things that she felt was more important. Looking back sometimes she wondered if they really were. It was like she was chasing an illusive rabbit only to find out by the time she caught it, that it was really a fox... and it had teeth. She sighed again. Looking at the clock and looking back at her screen once again. Almost one. She stretched and yawned. She immediately longed for his company again. His touch, his kiss, his warmth... everything about him made her happy once again. It sometimes angered her because she promised herself she would never put this much stock of her happiness in someone else again.. but she never seemed to learn. Loneliness wasn't something that rushed in, swords flashing and guns blazing. It was something that crept in bit by bit until your entire life was consumed by it. She hated the feeling. Hated it so much she would try destroying herself just to make it stop. She never understood people that needed distance. Not when she couldn't stand to live her life with so much of it. She bit her lip and shivered. Wondering if one day he was going to wake up and realize that he really did need space... But... then she remembered how very much like her he was. Born on the same day. It was more than coincidence, it was fate. It had to be. She had never had more in common with anyone in the world. She had the same weaknesses as him and it was all right because they shared their faults together. Often she wondered if that was a bad sign... because neither of them would be strong enough to life the other one up if one fell. She shook her head and dismissed that train of thought like a teacher would dismiss a bad student. She pulled the blanket up closer around her and stared at the blades of the ceiling fan as they danced in their circular pattern. The whirring of the fan blades and humming of the mini-fridge were almost enough white static noise to make her want to fall asleep. But she didn't want to. And it seemed the longer that she stayed awake the more she thought she could the entire night. But working 20 hours on only 6 hours of sleep was never good for anyone. Even if you didn't work in a particularly dangerous environment. She chided herself. She really should sleep. If she didn't there was a chance she could oversleep the alarm and then what would she do? Job loss in an economy like this could be fatal... and she had her little boy to think about. The little boy that was being watched by him.. what a blessing to have found him. He was constantly telling her the things he did for her were the least he could do... but they were the kinds of things that made her heart sing with joy. She remembered the feel of her skin under his hands as he worked the massage oil into her back. Remembered the feel of his arms wrapped around her when she was weeping hot, wet tears all along his shirt and he kept whispering that everything was going to be all right. Remembered the scent of the vanilla incense he lit just for her as she stepped into the bath filled with essential oils to try taking away her tension after dealing with the bruises she found on her son's neck. Remembered the passion in every touch he gave and the love in every look that passed from him to her. He was pure unadulterated magic and she was the components of his alter. She wanted more, but was afraid to ask. She was never one to push her boundaries and therefore she sat alone waiting for him to put her child to sleep as she sat up, restless and wanting to feel his warmth permeating every cell of her body once again. |
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