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A poem inspired by domestic violence
I wrote this a few years ago. Feel free to comment or critique. It was inspired by watching a movie about a woman who stayed with a very violent man as well as what I've seen in life.
The Final Blow The hand falls down The angry man turns She hits the ground Feels the fire and burn She can bear the hurt, Even take the shame Till she feels like dirt And hates his name Felled ‘neath his blows, And forgotten dreams Worthless she knows Are her silent screams She opens the door Finally leaves her foe She can take no more It was the final blow |
This was very, very good! It has a good flow to it, and a nice pattern. Not all of it rhymed exactly, but it was always close enough. Good job, keep it up!
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Ummmm, it all rhymed. Not sure what doesn't...
If you like this form, level the lines, all the same length. 5 syllable lines, perhaps? Not sure if you want to work in iambs. Perhaps a more stressed meter would fit better for the small lines. If this were pentameter, maybe iambs would work. I don't know, up to you. I don't usually write formal verse. Overall, good emotion, but needs more concrete description. Keep it up! |
Oh, sorry, maybe I should have clarified. "Turns" and "Burn" don't rhyme. I think "Down" and "Ground" count as a rhyme, but I'm not sure. Like I said, it's very close, so I'm not surprised you didn't notice.
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