Menewsha Avatar Community

Menewsha Avatar Community (https://www.menewsha.com/forum/index.php)
-   Writer's Conference (https://www.menewsha.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=95)
-   -   Apotheosis- a short story- critique please? (https://www.menewsha.com/forum/showthread.php?t=167980)

iLickmimes 08-14-2010 11:28 PM

Apotheosis- a short story- critique please?
 
This is a random story I wrote a while ago... The idea came to me in the shower, and I just had to write about it.

Any kind of constructive critisizm would be greatly appreciated.
And I'm wondering if I should continue the story, or just leave it at this.


It can be found here.

fairywaif 08-24-2010 07:27 PM

Though most human's completely ignored their existence, she was not deterred.

Should be humans right there.

"After the two-hundred day incubation period, we, what we call, stimulate them."


I would change that to "After the two-hundred day incubation period we stimulate them." If you want to keep the what we call then you might want to change it to "Do what we call stimulation."

I know this sounds weird, but I get more of a feeling of an elected official than a scientist from her tour guide. I'm not sure why though.

That is a really cool story idea. I would really love to read more, if you wanted to write it. Your style is very easy to read, and I think the pacing is excellent.

iLickmimes 09-05-2010 12:02 AM

Thank you so much... Most people say my style is weird. -.-

Thanks for the critique too, I love it when people help me. :3


All times are GMT. The time now is 12:46 PM.