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Apotheosis- a short story- critique please?
This is a random story I wrote a while ago... The idea came to me in the shower, and I just had to write about it.
Any kind of constructive critisizm would be greatly appreciated. And I'm wondering if I should continue the story, or just leave it at this. It can be found here. |
Though most human's completely ignored their existence, she was not deterred.
Should be humans right there. "After the two-hundred day incubation period, we, what we call, stimulate them." I would change that to "After the two-hundred day incubation period we stimulate them." If you want to keep the what we call then you might want to change it to "Do what we call stimulation." I know this sounds weird, but I get more of a feeling of an elected official than a scientist from her tour guide. I'm not sure why though. That is a really cool story idea. I would really love to read more, if you wanted to write it. Your style is very easy to read, and I think the pacing is excellent. |
Thank you so much... Most people say my style is weird. -.-
Thanks for the critique too, I love it when people help me. :3 |
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