Menewsha Avatar Community - Oh god, everything was perfect and now this.

I seem to either be very fickle emotionally, or I'm just too attached to people/things. I name my yugioh cards for pete's sake. Actually, I don't know who Pete is. Anyway, I digress. So I've been with a most wonderful boyfriend for the past year and 2 months. We're such an amazing team together, some people assume we're already married. However, I have alot of...skeletons in my closet, alot of things left unresolved. It's my fault I can't clean it out. I've been trying for the past four years.

There was this guy that I was seriously in love with. He was introduced to me via my best friend and we hit it off like instantly. He was extraordinarily handsome, smart, artistic, sensitive and a perfect gentleman. And he ended up liking plain ol' me. At the time, though, he was up in Cali with his family. He said he'd come back and we'd go on a date. Oh how I dreamed of that date every night, the things that could happen, the moments we'd share. I've always dreamed about running my hands through his curly hair. His hair was so beautiful, it was like..a sheep's wool and it was jet black. Anyway. His father died around the time that he was supposed to come, so of course he had to stay. He's Hispanic...and most Hispanics are very close knit with their family. Okay. So I waited. We kept in contact always. Long story short, he had a lot of emotional baggage because he went through a lot and....he decided that it was best to keep it away from me in order to protect me. But in the long run, that meant pushing me away. He had a crazy, violent, possessive ex. After maybe...a year....we stopped contacting each other. And I didn't really..strive to hear from him after that. I was so upset, yet my heart ached everytime I thought about him. 3-4 years later, he returns into the picture. The only problem is, I was dating the guy I have now. But even though I was dating someone, I couldn't help but feel a certain longing for the guy. We talked and stuffs, but eventually his family pulled the same card as a friend of mine's did. Trying to bribe him with the idea of moving away with family. Well, he succumbed. He left...before New Years. But a funny thing happened. I was working, right? And...I saw this really attractive guy in a white jacket and jeans. I couldn't take my eyes off of him and my breath caught in my throat because he looked just like him! My mind immediately rejected the notion that it was him, simply because there's no way he'd be in this backwater county of mine. But my heart ached, my soul felt that it was him! And he kept staring at me, but neither of us really made a move. I was afraid I was mistaken. So...I just went home with a burning chest and a headache. Two weeks later, I find out that it was indeed him. =/ Fail. Anyway. After that, I'd talk to him here and there via my best friend, but that's about it. Just recently, however, he sent me the most heart-felt apology over what had happened between us. And he told me that even though he had not realized at the time that it was me, he was glad to have been near me. And he made note that my long hair was beautiful. My cheeks turned flaming red. I was so embarrased that I should blush so terribly over someone I should have forgotten years ago. And now he's back in my life and I don't know what to do with myself. I've just become cold lately. Even towards my boyfriend, I can't even bring myself to touch him. T_T Not without feeling a measure of discomfort. I dunno what to do...