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It Hurts so Much it Feels Like I Can't Breathe
Every night I cry for at least an hour. Sometimes it happens randomly during the day, but it Always feels terrible. It hurts so much that it's breath-taking at times. I know that I'm not totally alone, but it feels like I am. I just can't describe it well enough. I've had a lot happen to me in the last few years and those feelings do surface sometimes. Other times it just seems random. I am married and my husband is good to me. My life isn't terrible anymore. But I can't get past the crying and hurting. I have tried very hard to just "let go". I have wanted to see a therapist a few times, but I'm not sure. Plus, we can't afford for me to see a therapist at the moment. I just don't know what I should do to until I can see somebody about it.
Any advice would be great, Thanks! |
It seems like you have depression. While I don't know anyone personally who has it, I suggest you do some research of your own. Look for the symptoms, and I'm sure there are support groups out there!
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Hmmm, do you think this is because of things that happened in the past? My fiance is great to me... if it weren't for him then I would fall apart way more than I do.. but it is still hard right now because of family issues that have been going on for well, my whole life. If you are a part of say, family problems, and it hurts too much... then sticking around it is unhealthy to you. I'm not really sure what causes the crying for you except to say that there are difficult circumstances that are weighing heavily on you. If you can think to anything that makes you really scared, insecure, hurt in general, just sit and think about whether or not it is something you need to keep in your life. You have a husband who is good to you. And things are different. I am sure you have plenty of people who care about you very much. That you have things about you that are absolutely lovable. And that they want you to be happy. Wherever there is encouragement and positive feedback, support for growth, embrace it. When I think about my wedding day coming up, even on the day of my next birthday when I move in with my fiance, it is very easy to see myself crying. And it's not pure sadness, really, as much as it is an overflow of emotions. It doesn't mean that anything is wrong with you. And sometimes the things that help you the most are right in front of your nose. So don't forget that while you feel like hiding in the shadows, that there might just be something useful to your happiness right in front of you. Talk about it with your husband, when you two have some time. As in.. "Have you ever felt like...?" and you might be surprised on how much he can relate, or you might remember how much he cares to understand it. I know it's hard to understand even for yourself sometimes, but that is life, eh? Best wishes and vent more if you need to. I'm sure you need it (at least to do it to someone) xP
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It could be either of those things I guess. It could be both. All I know is that it's gotten to the point where I can't move any further until something is done.
Thanks ---------- strange_dreams_512: There are things that still hurt to think about. I mainly feel sad and hurt. I do have anxiety about certain things, but it doesn't feel directly related to what makes me cry. Thank you for the advice and support, it does help! |
yeah.... well when you relate to someone about something it makes you feel more connected to them, so you're not so lonely. So that would be something to look into. It is easy to fall into the patterns of hiding away and crying when something pains you. But there is beauty around you, and it would be a pity if you eyes passed by it in vain. Do you have enough to do that you enjoy in your day to day life? I felt in the mood today to start dancing so I turned on some good music and it boosted my mood. Or sometimes I sit down and draw. But something that always seems to help is spending quality time with those I am closest to. I think mainly because they are good friends. If you feel like you are at a loss for that, I suggest more time with your husband, and if you need it, i will talk to you too.
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I do read almost every night before I try to sleep again. That helps a bit. Time with my husband helps most. We do try to get that time together. He's been working longer shifts lately and that's made it a little harder. It's harder when I'm alone, of course. Being around my other family members (Mom, Dad, Sister) does help at times. It just depends. I do realize that there is beauty around me. I Love Autumn and Winter. They're my favorite seasons. So I try to focus on small things like how much better the weather has been and how pretty the trees look now. So I do try.
I appreciate all of your advice. Thanks. |
That's good to hear ^__^ You will do okay hehe.
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You should also just try to remember. You're married now. I'm sure that your husband will NEVER allow those evil problems to come back. I'm a lot like you, but upon metting my husband and having our son, I have realized, those things can never happen again. I will not allow them to happen. Yes, I've been diagnosed with sever depression, but since meeting my husband, I haven't been depressed. Just do stuff, like your favorite hobbies, get a pet or two, and sit happily and wait for your husband to come home, don't let anyone ruin it for you. You can move further if you try, I personally don't think that you need to see a therapist or anything like that, because I'm in your shoes. Just because I have my son, 3 puppies and 4 cats and live with my mom, doesn't mean I'm NOT alone. I feel alone and very lonely everyday that my husband goes to work. I cry like crazy a lot and he supports me about it. Also, maybe you should try looking into some stuff about empathy. Some people just cry because others are hurting.
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Well, it's nice to know I'm not the only one, though I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. Yeah, I've struggled with depression most of my life. It's just gotten so old. I'm just tired. But I am still trying and good to hear you are too.
Thanks! :) |
I am in the exact same spot that you are in. But my therapist had a great suggestion. He said I should take up a physical activity. I'm about to sign up for Judo, but any activity will work, like going to the gym, the pool, playing sports, etc.
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