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Kids and Religion
Is it right for parents to teach a child to believe their religion?
For religious families, it's traditional to teach their offspring the family's religion. At a young age, these children are taught to believe what their parents believe. However, some may call this "brainwashing" and "infringing on the child's right to choose his/her own beliefs." Your stance? Also discuss: -Should parents teach a child to follow their beliefs or let the child discover religion on his/her own? -When is the right time to bring up the topic of religion for a child? -If a mother is of one religion and the father is of another, what should the child be brought up with (if even taught religion at all)? -If you have/will have a child, what was/would be your course of action concerning religion? |
I do believe that it can be taken to the point of being considered brainwashing a child or forcing your beliefs on them. It's just a matter of how you do so. I know that I was baptized at a very young age and went to church as a young child. Pretty sure I didn't have much of a say if I wanted to go or not. But it didn't bother me. I enjoyed my experiences there. Mind you, I had been to a church where I didn't like how the sermon was conducted. I don't believe the pastor should have to yell at people just to get the message across.
Parents, or at least my intention, should be accepting and willing to help a child find the religion that they are more comfortable with. Taking your child to the church you go to and/or discussing your beliefs is a great start in opening that door for them. I don't expect a five to ten year old to really know which religion they want to practice but I think they would have some idea. Most are going to follow in their parents' footsteps until they get older and get a better grasp on it. Right time to bring up religion? I'm going to say that it would have to vary depending on the child. I would think perhaps when they get old enough to start school. If both parents practice a different religion, then I believe that the kid should be brought up with both. Then when the kid is old enough to decide which religion (or if they choose a separate one), both parents should be willing to go along with their decision. As for me, I take both my sons to the same church that I go to. If they decide that they want to go to another, then I won't have any problems with it. The three of us started going because I had went a long time (close to 10 years) without going to church and I wanted to go back. I felt that it would be something that my boys could learn from and would be a positive influence on them. |
First, it is important to recognize that in the United States minors possess an incredibly limited number of actual "rights" as we would generally consider them, for a number of reasons: they possess little or no real world experience and are in no way qualified to make major life decisions for themselves. Also, parents of minor children are held legally and socially responsible for the actions and behavior of those children, and most major religious institutions recognize this and have established in one form or another what is generally termed "age of accountability," which is the age at which the religion expects a child to know the difference between right and wrong. This age is different for different faiths and denominations (for example, I believe the Catholic AoA is or used to be 7, while the Jewish AoA is 13, i think.) This age of accountability is often commemorated by some form of coming of age ritual; Communion, Bar/Bat Mitzvah, baptism, etc.
In many faiths, notably Christian denominations, it is also considered the duty of the faithful to spread the message and invite others to the fold. This process will naturally occur within the home from parent to child. A parent will teach their child what they believe; religion is no different than philosophy on race and gender relations, importance of education, or any other philosophical standpoint the parent might wish to impart upon the child. It is a parent's right, within reason and decency, to make decisions regarding the raising of their children by the means they see fit. Do I believe that parents should stonewall or forbid their children from investigating other avenues of faith and spirituality for the sake of the parents' religion? Absolutely not. But neither do I believe that parents should forego teaching their religion to their children because later the child might decide to believe in something different later in life, when he or she IS capable of making life decisions. As far as which parent's religion should be taught to the child, that's a decision that should be made by consensus between the parents, but ideally both religious institutions would be given equal opportunity for exploration, though that does create the potential for an orange vs. green kind of situation. |
I think parents have every right to try and teach their parents about their religion, and grow them up with the intent to make them believe the same.
However, if the child clearly isn't interested, or doesn't care, or doesn't agree, the parents shouldn't force them to believe, or ridicule them for not agreeing, because it can be damaging to their self esteem or personal belief structure. Present their (the parent's) beliefs to the children, in a respectful way, and their children will either be receptive to the message, or not. My parents were of two religions (Mom - Christianity, Father - Judaism), but weren't seriously religious, so I got Christmas, Hanukkah, Easter and Passover. I also had to go to church during important holidays like Christmas and Easter until I was 10 (my mother's choice), but never was made to go to Sunday school, or Hebrew school. I think the parents should teach their child what they want to, but that they should both agree, mixed messages are confusing as shit to a child. My parents had a casual take on it, and so it was never a big all important deal. In fact, it mattered more to my family's nannies (who would harass me about my Atheist beliefs), than me or my parents. My sister, who also had a roughly similar upbringing, does believe in god. I just don't. But, she's not 'really' a christian (she never goes to church, doesn't own a bible, I'm sure she doesn't know what 10 commandments are, and other important defining features of Christianity, ect), though, I'm sure if I asked her what her religion was, that's what she'd say, because it was our mom's religion, and she got on better with our mom. If I have kids, and I have complete choice in the matter, I will probably raise them telling them that science is the answer, but, I will also teach them about other religions. or I would like to, at least. There are lots of religions, and they are very extensive. If they don't agree with me, then fine, whatever. xD |
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I think it's okay for parents to teach their child a certain religion, as long as they don't go crazy with it. I also think that until the child is old enough to decide for themselves (around 17 or 18 years old, in my opinion) they should follow the religion that the parents have taught them. I think religion should be discussed with the child when they old enough to actually understand it. Having parents of different religions can definitely be complicated, but I think the child should be taught both. And then when they're old enough to decide what religion they choose to practice, they can do so. My boyfriend is from India and he's Catholic and I'm Christian and we've agreed that when we have kids, they'll learn both religions and choose when they're old enough. Personally, I think as long as my kids understand the religion they're choosing and have good reason to choose them, it's not a big deal. Of course I will answer any questions they have about any religion and I won't force anything on them. Since I'm not a huge religious person myself, I don't really go to church but I think it's nice to know that God is watching over me and to have faith in Him and also that it's nice to pray, especially for others who are in need. That's probably the extent of what my kids will...I guess you can say...practice?
When I was younger, my mom and grandma took me to church every Sunday and Wednesday and I was taught Christianity. I'm thankful for that since I believe that it's the religion for me. Even though they taught me that, I have every right to choose another religion if I believe I need to. |
I don't believe in teaching a child that a certain religion is the only right way. However, I see no harm in parents bringing their children up in the culture/environment that they themselves have established--provided that nothing about it is actually harmful to the child. When the child is old enough to start questioning and forming its own opinions, then the "decision" of whether or not to follow the parents' religion should be left completely up to that child. I do feel it is detrimental to a child (not to mention to the family structure/relationship) to try and force beliefs or to "brainwash" in such a way that the child grows up thinking he believes something simply because he was told to by his parents.
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I don't believe it's bad. I mean, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink, right? After a certain point in their life, generally adolescence sometimes earlier though, the child has to think about it for themself. Their is ALWAYS a choice, because you cannot instill faith in someone, it's something one must have/find for themself. |
It's not a bad thing per say for a parent to introduce their kids to a certain religion.
My parents never showed us a 'right religion', we were in a Catholic Elementary school, but my parents taught us kids to seek information and figure out what felt right for us. Both my older siblings and I found things we didn't like about the Catholic faith (at least what they taught us in school), which encouraged us to find a religion that suited us. I think really, thats the most logical way to approach religion with kids. |
I grew up in the church with my mother and my two sisters. Well, mostly my one sister since the other wasn't born for most of my childhood. We've been to about 3 churches regularly throughout my childhood and I belonged to various youth groups. My family is Christian. As a kid I enjoyed church. I liked Sunday School, youth group, and the sermon. My favorite part was singing.
My sister, however hated church. She found it incredibly boring. She never liked it. My mom would ground her if she skipped and stayed home with our dad (who at the time did not believe- hes been saved for several years now). My dad's response for everything was "listen to your mother". As a result of this, my sister is agnostic. It just pushed her further and further away. My littlest sister absolutely loves church. She has many church friends and lots of kids for youth group to actually be fun (when I was young it was non-existent..). However, I've been through several church splits. Now, I just don't go to church because I don't like my parent's church anymore. The church I grew up in when I was little isn't even running anymore. The one we moved to later changed pastors and since we didn't like him we renovated our own building. I didn't like the changes so I decided not to go. I would just sit there and can't wait to leave... Eventually I just found excuses not to go. Anyway, I think its perfectly fine bring a child up in whatever religion you are as long as both parents agree on it. My father was fine with it so obviously my mom took us to church. However since my sister hated church more and more as she reached her teens they should have let her stay home. She would have eventually came around. I know now though she attends an addictions meeting thats Christian-based since she got a dui. Shes not addicted to alcohol though; she was partying one day and got a dui so shes required to go to it. But either way, I just think that there comes a point where you have to accept things as they are. I think age 10 or 13 is a good age to decide when you want to stop going to church. For one, depending on the child; they are able to stay home by themselves at age 12. I know during the splits we visited other churches. However my mom went back to all her friends and my littlest sisters friends leaving my sister and I to feel disregarded. Neither of us had our own cars then (still don't- hers got repod) so we were stuck and just ended up not going anymore. There were plenty of friends our littlest sister could have made at the other two we visited. Everything was better about them. |
It depends the attitude of the parents. My parents were from two very different denominations of Christianity and I attended alternative sundays schools and went to church school. But despite that I was allowed to have my own opinions and explore different religions. I think when children are forced into something they don't believe in then it becomes child abuse. When I eventually came to the conclusion that Christianity wasn't for me, my parents accepted that and didn't make me attend church. I guess it could be summed up as parents recognising and allowing their child to be an individual.
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I think parents should be allowed to raise a kid into their religion. If the kid has a mind of its own then by the time it's old enough to make its own choices then it will, regardless of how it was raised. I know lots of Atheists who came from religious families and vice versa, if the person is incapable of choosing something for themselves and blindly follows whatever they are taught then that's sort of just to bad isn't it?
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yes but they grow out of it after a certain age, if an adult is still just doing what they are told then they are not making their own decisions and so their beliefs are invalid anyway.
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Teenage years are when children primarily define themselves separately from their parents.
Often challenging parent's views to "test" them. But, younger than that, and children will often blindly follow their parents, yes, but, again, most kids as they grow up, start testing and exploring other beliefs. It's when parents won't let them discover themselves that it starts to be an issue of "brainwashing." Even 'non-religion' though, is sortof of a 'religion'. It's still the parents teaching their kids a certain lifestyle. For some it works, for others it doesn't. |
Also, I just want to add something from the documentary "Jesus Camp," where a boy questions God. He doesn't believe in God, yet he strives to be like his parents and his friends so that he achieves acceptance (I'm guessing).
He chooses to stay with Christianity and forces himself to believe in God because he would feel guilty if he didn't. My point here is that young children would choose to not look for other religions because if their parents believe it, then it must be the right way (looking through the child's eyes). So, if a child was given the option of believing what their parents believe and believing what someone else believes, most likely they'd stay with their parent's beliefs and refuse the other religion instantly. What's more is that the boy in the video believes he is wrong for not believing like the others and he feels like a fake and feels guilty, a sign of internal self-punishment. Your thoughts? |
I think that that camp seems a bit extreme. I've been to several church camps and even the sermons were nothing like that....
But I do get that what you are saying about that kid, however he's young and under his parents' control so he must abide by their rules. It took a LONG time before I could tell my mom that I wanted to switch churches... of course it didn't work and we didn't switch. I would blindly follow whatever my parents believed because I would follow the rules. Rules aren't meant to be broken or so I was raised. Also, I always had God.... I wouldn't know how to function without that belief system. But I do agree that its just odd to not allow a teen to decide for them-self. I especially sympathize with that with how my sister reacted to church in her teens. Making her go just pushed her further... and further and further away from God. Sometimes you just have to let things go and let them come back on their own. Theres a difference between beating someone's ear in and just shining a light. |
Is he happy though, in the end, sharing this time with his family? Even if he doesn't believe in god, you can enjoy the bible, be happy and go to church.
He's still very young though, which means he may not have started to fully identify himself from his family. I mean, you wouldn't really be a christian, but....>< My mom was one of those "agnostics" who go to church. It's not just about god for some people, it's also about community and spirituality, too. At least that's how my mom spoke to me about it, she knew I was very firmly an atheist, but it bothered me that she had just revealed herself as an agnostic, yet went to church. Mind you, I didn't know this until shortly before she passed away. But, she'd go to church on holidays, some weekends. Because church gave her comfort and happiness, even though she didn't believe in god necessarily. But, that said, you wouldn't share those beliefs with your church, because most churches aren't that accepting, and not believing in god is supposed to be a sin. ><;; And he/anyone would probably get ostracized...Which is probably why he feels guilty, because he knows that, and doesn't want that to happen, and I feel sorry for him. Does that make sense at all? :sweat: |
As Religion is, after all, simply a cultural system of knowledge. The singling out of certain systems of knowledge as 'religion' does not reflect a natural and neutral classification. Rather it is an arbitrary and heavily political activity. One whereby the hegemonic group in society seeks to legitimize and justify their neo-colonialism of knowledge. Both historically and cross culturally we can see this process playing out. Linda Tuhiwai Smith in Decolonizing Methodologies identified the role in which scientific thought and research played dominating the minds of, and marginalizing, indigenous peoples all across the globe.
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In my opinion, the kids feels guilty because he knows that God is the answer and since he knows it is- he feels guilty. In my opinion, it is God calling him back. Either way, I've never had anyone in church treat a nonbeliever badly. I've been to numerous youth groups and ALOT of nonbeliever kids attended to keep out of trouble after school. Or they simply went because their friends did. They were encouraged to believe, obviously since we had lesson time which was a sermon for kids. But, I've never been in a church where someone who didn't believe was treated badly. My father wasn't a believer for all of my childhood. When I was very very young he attended church with us because my mom wanted us to go as a family. He didn't believe and everyone knew that. No one treated him badly. The men around his age wanted him to believe and join their circle of friends. Everyone prayed for him. He was an alcoholic. Fast forward to now. He's a believer now. It just took him time. He couldn't see before how God could love a smoker and an alcoholic (hes not an alcoholic anymore now). He's now friends with most of the guys from a long time ago. However, not all of them followed to the new church. I think the child's biggest fear is disappointing his parents. He probably feels like he'll fail them and make them feel like failures. |
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But, the second I told another kid there that I was an atheist, all of them were jumping down my throat telling me I'm a slut and I should just go be a slut elsewhere. o__O I mean, it doesn't ALWAYS happen, but especially in the case of "very extreme" churches...there's a good chance it will. :( People are afraid of what they don't understand. At least my experience says so. :sweat: Also, yeah. He's probably very insecure and nervous and afraid of disappointing his parents, and most kids his age are. Most kids choose to then reject their parents, perhaps because of the line of thinking "If I don't try at all, I can't fail." You know? But he's trying, and it'll be a tough road to learn to bring together his beliefs and his spirituality. I hope he doesn't lose it as he gets older. |
I really don't think a child should have to put himself through self-punishment over something as trivial as religion. I mean, he's even going to extremes (going to the heavily religious Jesus Camp full of indoctrination) just to fit in. For me, I can't understand why religion should take such a huge roll in his life. In my opinion, he should be worrying about school or playing outside or anything else kids do, but not worrying about his religion. I guess I'm like rawcookiedough in that I find religion irrelevant in a young child's life. A child's mind hasn't fully developed and they can't quite grasp the concept of religion until they get a bit older and start to really question life and stuff. I just really feel like the boy is putting himself through some very unnecessary stress and guilt. :(
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Religion also imparts culture and a belief structure on people which doesn't have to be bad. However, I do not agree with most religion's views of "blah blah you're wrong if you don't believe exactly this." That's silly to me, because you can't ever been 100% sure...But I guess that's the point of faith, huh? If you think about it, religion is just like the government (in some cases, it's part both! See: Theocracy). You can be spiritual, without being heavily religious....And yes, I agree he shouldn't be under stress about it. But, again, he's still learning and exploring his beliefs, and pretty much every kid is stressed out about what they believe, because they're usually unsure and still learning. Hopefully, if he ends up deciding that a belief in god is not for him, then his family will accept him. But forcing him to make a decision, to not be religious, when he wants to be...Is just like forcing him to be raised "religiously." I mean, if you think about it, "non-religion" is kindof a religion in and of itself, you know? Then again, I'm incredibly biased against organized religion anyway. I mean, what I believe "in" is something akin to The Force. :rofl: |
My child(ren) will be raised in a secular household.
If he/she/them choose(s) to follow the doctrine of any particular religion, I will remain secular, but respectful. I will encourage scientific investigation, with the understanding that scientific knowledge is about statistic probability, not absolutes. |
I was taught from birth to be Christian, but never really knew what it meant, until middleschool, when I was briefly agnostic, and experimented with other religions. I learned about every religion I could find, and then decided on Christianity (biblical, and study based).
My point is that teaching your children a religion isn't wrong. And for that matter It's each parent's right to teach them whatever they want. Anyone who doesn't believe in religion wouldn't understand why it's important to people, because they simply don't understand how it could be. To them it's unimportant, and therefore shouldn't be to anyone else. And I'd say general public schools are full of atheist indoctrination, so the camp isn't exactly any worse. |
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