freinds...LDR/BFF (RANT,BUT STILL A PROBLEM)
 

my bff since grade school, ive been having a bit of jellousy issues since i havent seen her in three years. she came home for chirstmas and i never knew about it untill AFTER the fact, apparently she was spending time with her family- which i can excuse seeing as how they paid her plane ticket. But still.

Recently one of her relitves just died and yet again she flew home for the funeral and such, witch again i did not find out until after the fact. Again her family paid and it was a death so it is a personal family matter.

but still she could have at least called me, i would have paid her for any use of her minutes (she has a go phone)

The part that realy gets me is recently she told me via fb that she was having panic attacks due to missing her family. yet she moved 100000+ miles away with a guy she met online to get AWAY from her family three years ago. They used to make her pay all the bills, and never did any of the work, and her dad used to abuse her, and her sister still makes her feal bad via FB.her brother stole her stuff, her mom never did anything about the brother stealing stuff. they never cared about her education in HS cus they wanted her to just get a job and make $. I drove her home and other countless things for her, my mom even offered to pay to help her get her GED, her family EVEN DROVE HER TO ATTEMT SUICIDE in middle school.

Now all of the sudden she is missing them and they are the perfect family??!! She wants to go home to see them and not me? When it was me that helped her though middle school and the abuse of her father. When I sent her money when she needed it, and contunilay support her and her education via FB. When I was the one that drove her home when she couldnt walk due to a job related injury/staying overtime at work/ rain, all becuase her mom wanted to sit her fat but in front of the TV/computer and blame it on her illness. Let her take showers at my house cus they didnt have hot water, and whould invite her over to spend the night so she could get away from her dad.

The worst thing is i couldnt even tell her how pissed off i was becuase she is greiving the death of a family member. At the moment I am learing couseling methods though school due to my major. We have disscussed greif couseling in class and yet i just wanna tell her she is an idoit. (which is what we normaly do to eachother as freinds)

Part of me wants to do it the old fashioned way like i awlays have, but EVERYTHING in my head goes against the book. In addtion to this, both she and I have had couseling/therapy psychairtist whatever you wanna call it, and we both hate it! So i dont know if I should go with the honest freind or the couseling method, beacuse the last thing she needs is me being annoying and making things worse for her.

at the time the only thing i could do to cheer her up was to tell her about my life, and that i was engaged and that i wanted her to attend the weeding, even if i had to fly her butt up here to see me. it cheered her up but when she could have seen me if she just picked up the phone...i dont know. im not sure what the deal is with her and her family. I know it would be easier to help her emotionaly if i could just spend some accutaly in person time with her but at $400 a plane ticket its out of my bugdet T_T the most i can do is let her know im always there to talk, but seh donest realy ever talk about her problems, like just all out dump them on me. i always find out after the fact, like in middle school, i never knew she wanted to sucide, she was jsut absent from school for two weeks.

She talks about moving back some, and if she does i hope to god she doent move back in with her family. My fiancee and I even mutaly aggreed that she could move in with him, even tho I am in a LDR with him and they would be alone together. There isnt much i wouldnt do for her, nor have tried to. Im just about at my limit....i just cant belive that her stupid family is now more imprtant to her than me even though we practiacly grew up together.

I dont know how to adress this issue of frustration with her, especaly not so soon after her aunt? died. In fact I never even knew she HAD an aunt. and now all the sudden its SO SAD that shes gone. Ive never heard her say one word about her aunt!!!! AGGGGGH!!!!!!

Family is family. Even if you go through tough times, she still may love them all dearly. It's a very difficult bond to break and it's not unusual for children to get lonely after moving away like that. Especially in dysfunctional and abusive relationships, people become dependent on the ones upsetting them and can only get away from them with great difficulty. So her feelings here really are completely natural.

I think that you also have to understand that the times she came home really weren't the best opportunities to hang out with friends. If she returned for a funeral, then that likely occupied all of her time and energy. Seeing you when she felt that she should be with family may have made her feel extremely guilty. The same with Christmas - That's traditionally a time of the year to reconnect with family members and participate in shared traditions around the house. Perhaps she felt that it would have been rude or disrespectful for her to leave them for you.

Basically - I think that you should cut her a bit of slack. If you're frustrated by her actions, let her know that you'd really love to see her sometime soon. Ask if she's planning on visiting home again within the coming months. But how she chooses to spend her limited time home is really her decision. If you two are good friends, I think that you'll both try to understand the other person's emotions and will be able to come to a good compromise about this. :yes:

well those are the only two times shes come home in the past 3 years. we still talk online. but thats it. Its kinda frustrating when she can trust me enough to tell me personal stuff but cant even spend an hour with me when shes home for a week. Id literaly be happy spending any time with her. I realize that they did pay to fly her back home and christmas/funreal stuff, but i dont think they are the best support network seing as how she was having to support them before she left. and its even worse seeing FB posts "oh i am so sad to be leaving my family and happy i got to spend time with them" when i realy want to see her.

If she's only been home two times in the past three years, then I think that speaks even more loudly to why she may want to spend as much time as possible with her family.

But if this is bothering you, all you can do is talk to her about it. Maybe start talking about plans to possibly visit each other or set aside more time to spend with each other. Things like Skype and webcaming can really help with the distance. What's past is past, but two good friends should be able to make time for one another and work through any problems that might have happened.