I can't stand it! (Long)
 

I guess I just need to vent. I try to be an extremely understanding girlfriend, daughter and friend, but lately I can't take it anymore.

My mom always finds a flaw in everything that I do, every single thing could have been done better, and no matter what I do, I'll never reach her standards. She is a wonderful mother, when she's not yelling her head off and calling me useless. She compares her childhood (which was terrible) with mine (which is incredibly easy in comparison), and keeps saying how everything comes easily to me, and how I don't know how to appreciate anything. The thing is, over the years, she seems to be letting everything rely on me, and I don't like having ALL the responsibilities of the house, specially since she's here all day every day, and can do it too. She even fights when I'm studying because I'm not cleaning or doing housework. My friends and boyfriend agree that she's not being reasonable when she fights, she's obsessed with cleaning.

My dad is somewhat of a control freak. He's laid back, but when it comes to going out, I barely can do anything. I can't go on dates with my boyfriend without taking my brother as a chaperone (which is annoying since my brother can be very immature and just makes things awkward). I can't even go to the family room, which is the room furthest back in the house for a little privacy, with my boyfriend. Said room doesn't even have a door, so as far as "naughty" I can get, maybe I can get away with making out for a few minutes. Not that big of a deal, really. I can't do anything without his approval, and even then, I feel like I'm a disappointment to him and to mom.

My friends have slowly turned their backs on me, and I guess I'm at fault here. Last year, I suffered from depression, and just wanted to lock myself up. I'm still trying to overcome that, but I really don't feel like socializing with anyone. I lost my best friend of seven years, too, which hurt a lot... but she's a special case.

She has a particular way of seeing things. If its not about her, its not worth her time. Its harsh to talk like that about her, but over the years, its something I learned. Around a year and a half ago, I was at her house goofing around, when I went online on Facebook and added a guy I recognized from High School. We never really talked, but on those rare occasions that we did, I found that he was fun and cute, so I thought we could at least have a decent conversation now that we were out of all the High School drama. Once she saw who I was adding, she immediately started telling me how she already had him and had been flirting with him for a while. I laughed it off, because she flirted with every single guy that payed attention to her...

To my surprise, the guy messaged my best friend a few minutes after talking to me, asking about me. He asked if I was single, about my personality, and basically a background check. My friend, call her Dani was actually happy for me, because no guy had ever taken a real interest in me, at least enough to at least give it a shot as a boyfriend. One thing led to another, and in no time, he and her were going out together so he could buy me gifts that I would like, getting advice on how to approach me, all the while he talked to me, trying to be all Romeo smooth and fun.

To make things short, I ended up falling in love with him, and said yes. He is now my adored boyfriend, but my best friend is no longer my friend. She got involved with my boyfriend's best friend, and ended in a very abusive break up that haunted her enough to consider self-harming. She blamed my boyfriend because he was the one that introduced them, and even though it wasn't his responsibility, he apologized. Dani never got over it and kept her anger towards him. She started to trash talk my boyfriend to me too, telling me all sorts of negative things, such as him being useless and unable to do things for me on his own, how she always had to be there for him, and how she was always unappreciated or ignored when I wanted to spend time with him.

Her relationship with the guy, call him Ed, ended because she's too obsessive. She texted/called him over 9 times in the span of two hours! I know this because she was like that with me too, until my boyfriend once said outloud that she was like a stalker, and she got offended. She didn't change her behavior but got irritated. She called my house if I didn't pick up my cel, my dad's phone, my grandma's phone, or if not, she'd come over unannounced to "make sure" I was okay. The thing is, she got obsessive about calling on the particular days and hours that my boyfriend had to come over, the few hours I had with him during the week, and she wanted for me to spend them with HER on the phone, knowing full well he was here.

I got mad, started ignoring her, and after she stood me up a few times whenever we made plans to go out, she got the hint. It wasn't a clean break up, but at least now she's not breathing down my shoulder, trying to get me to do her will. It was an unhealthy and clingy friendship, I know, but I can't help but miss her. Was I wrong for cutting it off like that?

On to my boyfriend. A few weeks after we got together, he admitted to me that when he was in High School, he used to do weed with his friends and get drunk. As friends, I knew about his drinking problem, and told him my opinion on it. It made me worry to the extreme, and I didn't like him being under some influence that would make him lose control. As a new girlfriend, the weed problem hit me pretty hard, though Dani had already told me about it in hopes that I would break up with him. I reassured him that I wasn't going to leave because of it, and he confessed that he still did the drug with his best friend/Danis ex, but was not addicted as Ed was. I wasn't sure if I believed him, but I tried to let it slide as his own choice, which I wasn't going to agree to, but it was his problem.

We got together on early December, but with my parents being so conservatives and just plain odd, we agreed not to tell them until they were used to the idea of me being old enough to have a boyfriend (I was 18 at the time). That meant that we spent Christmas and New Years apart, and to my dismay, he spent New Years with a friend at a bar, getting drunk. I got extremely angry at this, but tried not to show it, because really, it was New Years, and considered overreacting.

He wasn't studying, didn't have a job, didn't do ANYTHING but mope around his house. I talked to him, supported him, and convinced him to do something about it. On Valentines Day, we made our relationship official, and since then, he partied less (or at least got home around 11), started to study, I took him so he would get his Learner's Permit, and he found a job. The job happened around November, but because of it, he stopped studying to save some money. He wanted to switch majors and I understand that. A change of heart, I guess. I was really proud of his progress, he seemed to be getting more mature, stopped wasting time with his friends (by wasting I mean getting drunk or stoned), and while he still hung out with them, I could tell he was changing for the better. I never pressured him to do so, but let him know that when he did those things, I was hurt, because I feel uncomfortable to be with someone who relies on substances to feel better about themselves. He was becoming a better man.

His job ended around December 23, and everything was fine and dandy. He was saving up for his own car, was somewhat getting along with my parents and brother, and seemed to have some priorities in his life. He seemed like a well put-together 21 year old. But once he finished his job and the Holidays begun, he visits Ed on a daily basis or with Tito, who are very big potheads... If not, he's with Joey, who's a very heavy drinker... Though Ed and Tito drink a whole lot too. In short, I feel like he's going back to that time where he was moping around, goofing off and wasting time.

He treats me wonderfully, I'll admit it. He loves me, I know, but I don't know what to do. I adore him with all I have, I really do, but it just hurts a lot. I'm a freak when it comes to hurting yourself, and to know that he's doing that just infuriates me. I also notice that he's becoming more distant as he grows closer to his friends. He used to talk to me, even sneak into my room at night sometimes, just spend time with me, but now I seem to have gone into second-to-best. Today was one of those days that he went out with his friends, and though he told me he was just going to his grandma's house (who is Tito's neighbor) or go out with his friends for some pizza and be back soon to come over, he ended up coming home at 1am. Drunk. Don't know if stoned, to boot. We had made plans to meet up tonight, and he blew them. When he finally called, it was just awkward silence because I was too upset to actually make conversation, and he... I don't know, he sounded cold. We just stayed on the phone for around half an hour, until I said "Hello?" and realized he had passed out.

I just feel so alone and betrayed. I have no one to turn to, and I'm desperate. I just want to have someone there, but I don't want to contact any of my friends, because I've been away from them for so long... Plus, they're more in contact with Dani than with me, and I'm afraid that she had said some mean stuff about me so I look like the bad guy for breaking our friendship like that.

I cope with all of this by locking myself in my room all day, crying and just staring at the roof. My boyfriend used to try to cheer me up, and honestly, just knowing he cared was enough, but now he's so distant its like he shrugs me off, only to sweet talk me again, then goes to his friends and becomes a different person.

I love him, and I know he loves me too, but I don't know what to do...

As far as anything that your family tries to do or say, they can't stop you from being with him. So just try to ignore anything that your family may say about your relationship.

Though for your boyfriend, it sounds to me that he is depressed and can't do anything with his life since he just lost his job. So he is seeking comfort by doing weed and getting drunk. Though that is not a good option, and he could be avoiding you because he is upset about the matter. Either way, you should try to find a good time to just talk about the whole situation and see what is really up. He was doing really good up until he lost his job, and you should reassure him that he can get a new job and start off from where he was, and that you will be there if he needs you (which I'm sure that he will to get back up on his feet). But if it gets to the point where he doesn't want to change what he is doing, and you get tired of dealing with what he does, then maybe it will be better to break things off. You shouldn't stress so much for someone else who doesn't want to change when you already have your life and issues to deal with.

There's my two cents, I hope that it helped '-3-

Thanks for replying! :)
The thing is, it's not that he lost his job. Its a job as an electrician, and the company had finished for the holidays. He goes out as a way of celebrating with his friends, or at least, that's what I can see. He told me that he wanted to save money to buy himself a car, and eventually, find a place of his own to live so we can move in together in the long run. I really don't see why after all his progress he just returned to his old habits... I mean, I get the drinking part. Its the Holidays, young people usually do that as a way of celebrating for some reason. I don't know, really... But it bothers me that he seems to be an entirely different person whenever he's with his friends, or is still under some influence. The change is drastic... its just hurtful.

Or maybe I'm just being too controlling over his life? I don't really think this is the case, but at some point someone said this was why I feel so stressed about it.

All you can do right now is just talk to him about the matter and see why it is that he is doing this, and hopefully get him going into the good habits that he started to portray :3

Regarding your family, you can try to reason with them, but if they really are unreasonable, especially if you are not of age yet, it's hard to get through to them. Best thing to do is to work hard and get yourself out so you're not longer financially dependent on them.
My parents were the same, I just took the strategy to ignore them and I criticized them a lot to the point they just couldn't argue back anymore.

Cutting of your friend was not wrong. Tell her to get some help. If she doesn't want it, that is her problem and the problems around her such as the bad relationship are of her own fault. Just make sure to say everything straight out, what was wrong and be clear on the matter.

With your boyfriend, perhaps it's the infatuation wearing off and he just sees you as a part of his life and is too comfortable with you to really make a big fuss. Not sure how to explain it. Either way, talk to him. When communication breaks down, issues occur, no matter at what part of the relationship you're at.

"You gotta keep on keepin' on"
-Joe Dirt <3

Thank you for all the replies :)

Regarding my family, I am of age. In fact, I'll be 20 in July. I just haven't been able to get financially stable enough to move out, and I'm trying to focus on my College studies until I finish (around two more years, or so). I have talked to them, at least to mom, but it always end up in a very emotional debate, where I'm always found to be "lazy, uncooperative, not understanding enough" and the last addition to the list, "a bitch and a slut". It seems with each argument the list grows more and more. I try hard not to fight, and have tried ignoring it, but all I've done is bottle it up.

Dani keeps making a big fuss over how I'm a bad friend even though (or because) I cut ties with her, to the point that some of our mutual friends have tried intervening and making ME reason and do her willing. She had severe depression and a lot of problems, and she was getting treatment, but during her hard times, I was there, only to be put down by her and felt like I was being stabbed in the back. Like I said, if the world doesn't revolve around her, then the whole world is wrong.

I think I know what you're saying, but our "honey moon" stage is long since over. And what bothers me is not the fact that he's not with me as he used to be, but that he didn't have the consideration to let me know that he was staying with his friends instead of coming over. A simple text stating "Hey, don't wait up!" would have done it. I'm just worried that he'll go back to his old habits, and well, I'm not going to lecture him, because obviously, he doesn't see getting wasted as a bad thing.

I tried talking to him, and somewhere in the conversation, I mentioned that I was texting a guy friend of mine. It was around 2am, but my friend was just telling me how he's moving to a different college, and how he's going to travel there (this college is 5 minutes away from mine, and guess what? He's going there with Dani. More drama for the new year! ._. ). Anyway, my boyfriend got mad, or well... jealous. He has been cheated on in his past relationships, but it hurts that he thinks that I would do this to him.

He says that its not me he doesn't trust, but that he dislikes having other guys flirting with me (no point in telling him that the guy wasn't flirting at all. He gets extremely jealous anyway). I have talked to him about this seriously in the past, and he recognized it as his fault. Now, this morning, we were talking and he apologized, it just made him angry to know that other guys would try to hit on me, but that it was something he has to deal with on his own, because he knows its overreacting. I know its because of his bad experiences, and really, he's trying to get over it... but mixed with being stood up, and now have him pissed because I'm texting my FRIEND, it just makes my blood boil.

I cooled off enough, and after some awkward hours, we're straining to keep a conversation. It keeps hitting dead ends, or just in monosyllabic answers. I won't get to see him until tomorrow, and even then, it will have to be in our living room couch, right across from my parents, because we can't even have the privacy of talking without them watching us because we ALWAYS have to be under supervision. I feel like a child at times. :(