Various poems I wrote
 

Like the title says these are some poems I wrote. Feel free to critique or simply enjoy!

Like A Flower
Those who are like petals,
adrift from their stems.
We are all petals, swaying the breeze.
Unlike the petals they can go back again,
but it's hard.
The glue is needed-
where is it.

I've never had that fear, of losing my stalk.
I've always been rooted in the ground.
I've always had some place to drift back.

I'm not one of those who drift away,
who can't get back.
Begging the other flowers to let them stay
they're something different now
they've been touched by dirt
how do they get back home?

Back to security, to security.

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Ode to Breakfast

Music for hunger
the crisp pop of the toaster.
Time to eat pancakes.

----------

Side Glance
On cursory glance, you look like someone I once knew.
But you're the same.
I swear you don't act the same
though you have a similar face.

I swear I caught a side glance of
you,
but everything is changed now,
gotta think this through.

I keep seeing familiar faces
on the stairs
but I see differently now,
I can only stare.

I've changed so through the years,
have you stayed the same?

On a cursory glance I thought I saw you
but it wasn't the you I knew at all.
I took a side glance-
all the people I see day to day
just don't look the same.

----------

Nearly Perfect
You were my first kiss, but it wasn't true
If I was a different girl I could have loved you

You had everything I would say I wanted
kind and polite, with those hazel eyes.

If I had been another girl I would have loved you.
I swear I would have.

You're still not over me, my cruel play.
I thought if I tried hard enough I could overcome that empty heart.

You were perfect for me,
but obviously I wasn't for you.

You loved animals, you loved to sing.
You had your problems, but who doesn't?

I should have loved you,
but I can't control my heart.

Thanks for your submission! First poem seems a bit discombobulated. The last stanzas are good. It's the first one. It talks about those who are like... but then we are all petals. I think you meant "in the breeze." Second line, I'm confused about the go back. Go back from what? What makes these petals unlike "all" of the others. It goes exclusive/inclusive. It should either be everyone is like a petal or only some and stay that way. Or describe what makes the drifting petals special. Hmm... puzzling. As I said, the rest of it is good.

Breakfast clean and easy. I like it.

Last two poems I can relate to seeing familiar people all the time to not falling for the guy who should be "perfect" but I can't bring myself to feel the same for good reasons, if I may add.

Thanks for the input! I think I made the first one when I was half asleep or something? I think I wrote it down quickly so i wouldn't forget it, lol.

Yeah, it was a very odd situation.

I agree with Snowberry's statement. That part threw me off as well in the first poem.

I like Side Glance, and Nearly perfect.

Second Stanza in Side Glance:
You could probably put the you on the first line, and it wouldn't mess with anything, just make that part easier to read without having to move the eyes down a line for one word. Also, not every stanza has 4 lines, so it wouldn't mess that up either making it ( 4, 3, 4, 2, 5) Which to me has a nice flow to it.

Sounds great to me

If it were me, the flow sounds better when you move the lines around slightly. Switching line "kind and polite" with line "if i had been" possibly leaving off "if I"

I really like this one, but there's something about the flow that's throwing me off in the bolded part. I'd almost say just keep it as 'you' to match the flow of the other stanzas

no comments here.

-brake sound- Uhhh.. I have no idea what to say about this one. No advice is popping to mind to help with it, but again the bolded part seems to not quite fit the flow.

Again, doesn't quite fit the flow of the piece.

Overall, it's a fascinating poem, and I believe well on its way to becoming a masterpiece. Sorry if you didn't want the poem dissected like that. I probably shouldn't have taken AP English. ^^;; I love writing poetry myself, and this is the kind of critiques I personally like receiving so that I can improve on my work. Hope it at least helps instead of sounding mean. It's just what I personally see, and might change had I written it.