We miss you too! But I totally understand. Insomnia is frustrating. Especially when you're not getting enough sleep for other reasons as well. Lack of sleep just really takes it out of you.

Don't feel too bad, Livi, I missed like 3 or 4 days of the event, because I had a deadline... And that always makes me too cranky to socialize... with anyone.

Then I missed seeing you for more days than that, and finally remembered you posted in here, so hey, just saying hello again and sorry for not being around...

When you have time for chitchat, could you do me a favor and tell me how you became such a caring individual? I know it isn't just having little ones, because I've known a mother or two who was as cold as ice.

Did you just have a good upbringing, or what?

I couldn't do it, honestly. I respect people who can, but I have enough problems just managing my own slack backside...

Vera! Hello darling! How are you?
I am sad that you missed some of the event cause of a deadline.

Oh, I'm fine, and there will be other events, and I intend to be around for them.

I'm just happy I got to do part of it, I really got to see the super-awesome side of a lot of cool people.

I am too! Cause I got to know you a lot better! :D

Aw, you flatter me!

I only wish I brought the goodness you guys do to this place.

But give me time, I sometimes have to work my way up, but I'll get there!

Awww, you're so sweet! *hugs*
But you're pretty gosh darn awesome!!

Yeah, but mine took a lot of work... and therapy, lol.

I appreciate seeing it naturally occuring in others, it reminds me it's already there and not everyone has to struggle for it.

Well, if it makes you feel any better I had to work all of my life to learn to say the word "no". I had no spine up until I was about...20.

After what happened to me, it took me until thereabouts just to want to say yes to anything again...

I praise my human resilience. I deserve to.

I basically missed all of the event except for like a day. My girls have been keeping me. Just.

It's just who I am. I did have a pretty good upbringing. In a loving and caring home.
But honestly, I don't have a straight answer for you.
I have my own problems. That eat at me sometimes. The main one is that I lost my twin brother just a few months before we turned 21. I'm just good at not bringing them up all the time. But catch me in November or March around my birthday, and I'm a bit more of a mess emotionally. [yes]
Sorry for the short response - I'm using my phone to get on real fast.

Steel: yeah. It does make it harder. For sure!

I am glad that you're getting better, Vera. *hugs*

How are things going today Livi?

Awww, Amane. Some day we'll invent a way for you to send those to me!

I spiked a random fever last night and had to take ice packs to bed with me to sleep. And today I'm nauseated as all hell. And I have tutoring and the kid really can't afford for me to cancel at all.

*is Vera posting from her mule account, in case it isn't apparent*

I know all about the early loss thing, my first serious relationship (or what I thought of as one at the time) ended rather abruptly in suicide. I took it very personally for a long time, and it was years before I could admit it to myself that it wasn't my fault somehow.

As for raising children, I know better than to even try, because I'm certainly not fit to be a mother.

It's the sort of thing I imagine sometimes, but reality is different, and I've learned to tell the one from the other, at least for the most part.

I admire anyone who can do the job and still hold it together without becoming an addict or losing their grip. Some people are better at it than others, and I'm just glad your little ones have one of the better people for a mommy.

I know my parents did the best they could, and I don't have the paranoia thing anymore where I feel like they just wanted to be rid of me, but if my mother had ever been as genuinely nice as you are, even once or twice, I'd have felt a lot better growing up around her.

Oh goodness, Vera! That is such a very hard thing. My cousin committed suicide on Mother's Day and his mother is still very much not okay.
I am glad that you have realized that it isn't your fault in the slightest.

I'm all whiny today because the air conditioner is not working and I'm miserably hot. And sick. My fever is down to 99ish degrees, though. So...yay.

Oh my god, please do get better soon! Being sick is no fun, and it sucks on top of that!

Well, it seems like I may be better by tomorrow. Fingers crossed. My fever yesterday was 100.3, so 99 is an improvement. But the lack of air conditioner on top of being sick is just killing me. I have no heat tolerance. It's summer. In Texas. It's not a good mix for sure.

Maybe the extra heat will help the fever to be over sooner, or something... And I know about nasty summertimes, I live one state over from you.

It's hotter than Hell's attic here when it isn't raining for 12 hours in a row. Then the sun comes back out, and we steam like lobsters.

Steel: Mmm... kinda sorta, but not really. Yesterday - I did see your post, but had no energy to even respond. [sweat]

I'm sorry to hear that the AC isn't working and that you're sick, hon! [hug] That's never any fun! Hope that you feel better soon!

Vera: [hug] Oh dear, gosh. I'm sorry to hear it! I'm glad that you're able to come to terms with that. My twin was killed in a hit and run accident, and the last thing that I ever said to him was out of anger - I'm working on getting over that, years later. [yes] Some days are harder than others, but I make do.

Not all are fit to be parents. My little sister is one of those people - she loves kids, but she doesn't want kids of her own. At least my older brother and I have given mum grand kids. [yes]

I do have a wonderful support system that I heavily rely on at times. They're all wonderful and I couldn't do it without them all, my hubby (the kid's daddy) being at the top of that list.

My mom got a lot more clingy and super family oriented - not that we weren't before, but it became more so after Carlie's passing. She doesn't like that our oldest brother lives so far away - he's two states away. [yes]

Anyways, I have a bit more time - not totally - but mum has Becca today, and Sophia is amazingly asleep for a bit, so I'm sneaking on.

Vera: Yeah, today it's supposed to be 98 and tomorrow 100. I'm really hoping I can coax the air conditioner to at least give it a shot. Otherwise I may just send the dogs next door and live at the coffee shop. I'm considering running errands right now just to be in the air conditioned car.

---------- Post added 06-27-2014 at 11:06 AM ----------

Livi: I totally understand sweety. I just assume that if you don't answer it's because you needed to deal with the kiddos or get some sleep. [yes] And thank you. I really wish I could just rest like I normally do when I'm sick, but I can't with the heat.

That is pretty much how my life goes these days - you've summed it up pretty well there. xD [lol]

You're welcome. Heat really doesn't help any. Hopefully y'all can get the AC fixed soon? [hug]

It's set to be completely replaced on Tuesday. I'm just hoping I can coax it along until then. I've got it unplugged right now so it can cool down and reset the relays which aren't working correctly. I'm gonna run to the bank and enjoy my car's air conditioner real quick. Be back in a bit ladies.

It looks like I'm just going to have a really hot weekend. It's trying to kick on now, but it isn't managing. I think the relays finally gave out. I'm going to leave out extra water for the dogs while I'm gone. I'm really hoping they don't overheat. It's not supposed to rain, but we have clouds that look like it might, so I'm just gonna really hope that it does. Rain cools us off for a day or two.

Yeah, the rain only cools things down for more than an hour or so here, unless it's on for days... in which case everyone's just as miserable, and the internet cacks out.

I've been trying to make sure our ACs are tiptop, apparently they're only a year old or so, and usually just need cleaning. Lots of cleaning... it's like a week without cleaning before one of them starts to strain and put out warm air...

We've got that wonderful combination of humidity, dust, and particulate matter that I like to refer to as invisible flying mud.

I even feel like I'm still dirty after a bath if I didn't scrub out the inside of my nose...

Actually, for almost 3 or 4 months after coming here, I was sick with some horrid pneumonia-like thing, and everyone just told me it was normal.