Self-Confidence and Esteem: Is It In You?
 

I think one of the keys is realizing you're no different than anyone else. Everyone's unique, but no one is more special or something. You alone are not expected by anyone but yourself to be the best looking, the thinnest, the best artist, the best at every single little thing. You're just as human as anyone else. If you wouldn't think less of someone else for failing to live up to perfection, why think less of yourself for the same thing?

Second key is recognizing that everyone else's opinions on you don't mean shit. Someone else thinks you're unattractive, uninteresting, bad at something? Fuck that guy, who cares. You've got one body, it's the body you're stuck with, and you're every bit as fabulous as you want to be. Self-esteem so often is influenced by external forces, so it's really about realizing that those external opinions don't matter even the slightest. Like, if I wear something that someone doesn't like... that sounds like a whole lot of their problem. Not my problem I'm not attractive to them, because hey, my purpose in life isn't to look pretty for some stranger. It's to do whatever I want, what makes me happy. And that goes for everyone. You're not here to please other people.

You've got it backwards, though. If you say "if I'm just this, if I'm more that," you're never going to be happy with yourself because there will always be something "wrong." Right now it may seem like "if I fix X, I can be happy," but that's because X is the biggest thing to you. Even if X is eliminated, you'll find a Y to be unhappy about that stands out to you more now that X is gone. Maybe you'll be thinner, but there will always be something else to be unhappy about. You've got to learn to be happy where you are now, or it's not gonna happen.

EDIT: In a stroke of good timing, I just stumbled across this quote that illustrates my point better than I did:

When it comes to self-esteem for me it depends on the person. Everyone in the world gets the confident (sometimes cocky) me. The one that can talk on stage. The one that can stand up for something before an audience. The kind of person who's not about to back down. But when I'm around my boyfriend? I lose it all. I'm weak. I'm vulnerable. And I don't have that courage and confidence I have elsewhere. I just never feel like I'm good enough for him and I'm always questioning myself. I wish I knew why it magically turned off around him. I really dislike it.

I have a lot of people who know me in real life who think I'm super confident with great self esteem. If you get to know me more...you really know it's a mask for the real me. I work hard in everything I do because I feel like I can always be more which really seems as though I have very little confidence and self esteem.

I've become better over the years. I know there are things I'm good at and I understand that now. I used to think everyone was lying to me for years when they would compliment me in some way XD I'm over that now...but still am working on the confidence and self esteem.

I'm sorry you're feeling insecure, I hope you find good vibes here!

Also I think it's very human to not be super confident all the time, and also depends on the mood, people you hang out with at the time, I mean some people make you feel amazing, like super confident warrior lady, some people make you want to bury yourself with blankets and pillows (and sometimes ice cream and cigarettes). Even people who are usually confident have their moments of weakness.

Cherry Who also has really good points there!

In my case I stopped worrying (too much) (and love the bomb). I am a pimple and it's ok. Sometimes I just fake it (Sasha Fierce type of thing maybe?) and when everyone else sees me as confident, I get confident.
I also am very critical about my art, but I only see that as a strength as it keeps me from being lazy and keeps me pushing to be better!

Hope you have a wonderful day!

I doubt myself. Everyone says I'm sweet and a good person but no one knows of the dark and sad thoughts I have going on in my head. I have done things I am not proud of and have never told anyone and I feel like I'm living a lie sometimes. I get jealous easily of other people (especially other women). I see how I have grown and I am a little proud of myself. But most of the time I still feel like that dorky tall girl with the glasses in the corner of the class room who barely speaks a word to anyone and only has about three "friends", who really aren't friends at all and wouldn't really notice if she was there or not.

Meh.

Someone send me something cute and happy to cheer me up?

Cherry! You have such good advice.

As for me, I don't know... I had one phase when my life was just the worst,
but I felt like a completely different person. My confidence and energy were through the roof,
and then I got my life in order and I lost it somehow and just got sooo depressed afterwards!
I'm more stable now but I still find myself wanting to get that spark back.
I have to remind myself that it's in me somewhere, but it's not something I can summon.

On a normal day I'm mostly quiet and awkward. [gonk]
Anyway, for everyone with low self-esteem, don't beat yourself up too much.
I think for me it's easier to be happy if I'm not so concerned about myself and I change my focus to helping or getting to know other people. There's no point to being so self-conscious anyway, it's not like anyone is the center of the universe. [boogie]

Someone wise told me - hate is the best offense. It smashes, crumbles and shatters any kind of low self esteem you have inside of you. And this someone isn't afraid of anything and doesn't give a damn about anyone's opinions. Deep inside he hates himself but he doesn't show it the slightest.

I personally can't pull it off, because my hatred is directed towards myself mainly, not others around me, so..

I am confident only with my boyfriend. I feel secure with him, i'm not afraid of stating my opinion around him etc.
With others, however.. .I'm really quiet. and shy. and afraid. I hate my body too...

Today for example 2 people at work told me that my cheeks gotten chubbier. \: I wanted to cry. Damn. And it's strange... I'm obsessive about my weight and although I weigh more than 6 months ago, but my scale didn't show me that I gained recently... My weight is about the same.

Also, I work out a lot. I run 10 km 4-5 days a week, so instead of reducing wieght, people tell me I gained weight? It's so frustrating.. especially if I'm trying to lose weight and am running regularly for the last 6 months.

Fuck it. I'm shutting my mouth and I won't eat anymore. Fasting is probably the only way to reduce my weight. Dammit.

@Mogwai: Wtf, wow, the people you work with are jerks then!!
That's just mean. [illgetu]

You shouldn't starve yourself to be skinny though.
Being "skinny" is really overrated, just be healthy!
And it sounds like you are if you're running every day.

Really, weight doesn't matter that much.
Your personality and actions are much more important,
and the people who can't see that are people whose opinions don't matter. [no]
Please don't let them push you around.

@Maxipuff - Thank you for your kind words, you're so sweet[heart]

what about those (like me) Who don't care about what people think, but yet still have self esteem issues?

After recently losing my job I gained a lot of weight, and I suffer from severe depression (Which I do believe goes hand in hand with self esteem). I don't care if I'm called fat by other people. Its what they think, their opinion, but I myself don't like being overweight, so whenever I look in the mirror I feel disgusted and worthless. I don't like feeling tired and none of my clothes fit anymore x___x Lately I'm having a hard issue to do anything as well because its not good enough (not to even mention getting just the nerve to do any sort of exercise...)
I really don't know where I'm going with this ^^;;;; I think I'm just emotionally vomiting on this thread instead of contributing XD

It's no problem. I get frustrated about my weight too,
but I'm trying to grow out of it.
I realized it was just something society
and my mom (especially my mom) were pushing on me
and it's not something I ever asked for or wanted to worry about.

Haters are always gonna hate, just try and learn to filter out the unimportant stuff.
[hug]

---------- Post added 04-10-2014 at 12:02 PM ----------

@Mossy-- I got like that too after crazy life stuff happened. I know what you mean,
I was feeling reeeally uncomfortable and my clothes weren't fitting. So I decided to
exercise more and eat better for at least a little bit until I felt comfortable in my clothes again.
I knew i wouldn't feel any better if I just kept buying bigger sizes. [lol] But that was like, mostly
because I didn't feel healthy. Maybe try a healthier lifestyle for a little while and see if anything changes? Just don't go overboard.

^ you're right... I hope i'll grow out of it one day too...

@Maxi- Yea I think I just need to buckle down and work hard at it...I have been eating healthier I just havn't been moving around much ^^;;; no job=laziness lol

Yeah I know. I hate exercise more than anything. [cry]
I hope you start feeling better soon, though.
Have you tried changing up your diet at all?
I think everyone is different... Stuff that makes other people lose weight
sometimes makes me gain weight. Like fish! I love it but it doesn't help
me at all. [lol] It's the opposite for my husband though.
So maybe you can find something that works for you.

Surprisingly I found a microwaveable dinner option that
regulates my weight. Usually preserved foods are so unhealthy and make you feel gross...
[gonk] My body is weird.

^ lol for me it's the other way around - I work in the supermarket. Which means - I see lots and lots of food all the time. Warm and yummy bakery stuff that came right out of the oven ...
And a lot of time I'm bored there. So when I'm bored- I eat. I need a tremendous amount of self control.

[lol] Oh man, so tempting.
I used to work at cold stone creamery,
a reeeally good ice cream place. [drool]
I think I gained like 20 pounds working there. [lol]

Wait, did you just say you gain weight from fish?? but...fish is...fish. lean meat and all that. how's it possible? (I'm asking because my main meat is fish. I eat at least 3 days a week fish)

Yeah me too XD
Well before hand I would eat chocolate...for a week I think I lived off of hostess cupcakes *dies* Now I eat veggies and lean meats but I'm just regulating my weight...so If I tried I probably could start losing my weight XD...that thought hasn't even crossed my mind! :D
omg I have such a horrible gag reflex when it comes to fish ;A;

I would never be able to work anywhere that has food in it lol my temptations are too high when I work XD

I know, I don't get it either. I wish I could eat fish all day every day, I love it. [lol]
My body defies science. I really don't know.

Seriously though.. I think something that I eat (i'm talking about when I last a whole week eating only healthy foods) doesn't let me lose weight. I'm suspecting the culprit is rice. I think i'll cut out rice and see if it helps. I'll cut out all carbs. Only meat and veggies + fruits for me from now on. Yep.