Cloud's 'Not So Sure She's Sticking Around' Thread (Invite Only)
 

Take TWO at a PRIVATE INVITE ONLY thread.
DO NOT post in here unless you were invited in here by ME personally.

Rules:
Be Nice to everyone.
Bullying is NOT tolerated at all. (same goes for Trolling and the likes of that)
My word is law - I'll add as I see fit.

Invite List:
Chikyu:
Ava The Vampire:
CrimsonShadow:
llonka:
SuperZombiePotatoe:
Liquid Diamond:
hummy:
Silver Storm:
Tom Hiddleston: (Mules are allowed to post as well as long as I know who it is.)
(More will be added as I see fit)

Please don't make me regret coming back... :/

Welcome back, Cloudie! :)

It's good to see you around again!

We'll see if this works - I'm just hoping this won't come to bite me in the butt like it did last time with the mocking and people posting when they were invited in. If that happens, I may throw my laptop across the room through a window, no joke.

It's not a guaranteed thing, me sticking around.

Hey Cloudie!! How are you doing?

Eh... kinda meh, honestly. How're you?

I really am hoping this isn't a mistake me coming back... :/

I'm okay. Dealing with a kid who thinks he's sick... [stare]

We also have a house spider crawling around... *shivers*

Why does he think he's sick?

I'm just sick and tired of having to 'act' happy for EVERYONE. I can not pretend anymore.
-.- You all get your happy ever afters, I just get jerk after jerk either pretending to be my friend, or wanting to be my boyfriend, only to stab me in the back time after time... -.- I'm so freaking over all of this and I'm at the point of just GIVING up on all of this. -.-

And it's worse than anyone knows... I'm JUST OVER ALL OF THIS. -.-

---------- Post added 06-17-2015 at 10:36 AM ----------

And the next person who tells me that I like Drama and all of that... I may just SCREAM at them.... -.- Is it too much for me to ASK for someone to just TREAT ME WITH FREAKING RESPECT!! -.- Apparently these days that's too much to even ask for... -.-

Says his tummy hurts.

Well I'm always going to be your friend. I'm sorry I don't talk to you outside of Mene as much as I should, and I if I get like that, you can always send me a message! [hug]

---------- Post added 06-17-2015 at 12:38 PM ----------

Have to go for now, hubby will be home for lunch. :P

I'm just SICK and tired of being the one to try 100% to keep in contact with people.... Sorry, I'm not going to be the one to try 100% if the other person isn't willing to meet me half way at least... I'm sick of being the person who is EXPECTED to do ALL the work. -.- But whatever, I get it.

---------- Post added 06-17-2015 at 10:43 AM ----------

Yeah, I get it... why even bother with little pathetic me who isn't worth anyone's time unless it's just to COMPLETELY overlook me...... You've got bigger things on your plate. -.- But whatever, I'm used to it.
People say sorry, but don't really try and then expect me to try 100% and they don't even try. Story. Of. My. Life.

I feel like it was a mistake coming back. -.-

I'm back!

So have you done any sewing lately?

Yeah, just ignore my last post. Typical.
Because apparently how I feel doesn't matter.
Why do I even try? Guess it's time to go and bury how I feel.
Sorry for EVEN trying. -.-

And nope.

Cloud, I'm not ignoring you. I just don't know how to respond.

gotta go parents showed up

Story. Of. My. Life. Why do I even try...? -.-
Sorry for saying anything.
Just don't bother to say anything at all - that's what most people do anyways.
I should be used to it.
WHY even bother anymore?? -.-

I. GIVE. UP.

Coming back was a bad idea.... -.-

I hope you aren't leaving again, Cloudie. :(
Did you get my last email? I think I sent it, but I don't know if you responded yet.

I don't think anyone is ignoring you. :(
I hope you do decide to stay.

I responded to an email last Friday, I've not gotten anything since then. I would have responded if I did get it. I took ages to respond as we were on Vacation ALL last week with no internet service.

Yeah... well no one even commenting on that post and IGNORING it... Yeah. Ignoring how all of this makes me feel.
But whatever.
I'm considering just abandoning this thread and leaving again. -.-
Coming back was a REALLY bad idea. -.-
People miss me, yet expect me to be the one to ALWAYS message them first... Sorry, but no. I'm sick of being the one to always have to message someone first. -.- SO freaking over it. That isn't how friendship works. I'm tired of being the one to try 100%, and then as if Sorry makes it all better when I get ignored.... Sorry, but the word sorry doesn't mean anything to me unless the actions prove it. Sorry is just a broken word with broken promises.... that I'm SO SO SO FREAKING SICK OF HEARING. -.-

I didn't mean to make you upset. I just meant that I get focused on something, like school and that's all I can focus on. I've not been feeling well lately due to my high blood pressure medicine and am lucky to get online these days. Today I feel pretty good, but tomorrow could be different. Past couple of days all I have wanted to do is sleep, I may get online to check on things, but don't have the energy or brain power to reply to anyone. To add to it, the boys are home for the summer and hubby thinks we should be cleaning all day. It's nothing against anyone, nor do I intend to ignore anybody.

Like I said - like I matter to anyone who actually has other things - I'm just a meaningless person. Who isn't worth people's time.
Whatever.
Sorry, I hear excuses, even if they aren't meant as that. Because saying something like how I need to be the one to contact you - sorry, I'm SO tired of being the one to try 100% instead of people meeting me half way... But whatever. Not that how I feel matters, right? -.- I GIVE UP.

Forget I signed back in... this isn't worth it... AT ALL. -.-

People say they miss me... NO ONE EVEN TRIES REALLY (other than Ava and Chi) to actually take the effort to contact me since I left. I FUCKING GIVE UP. -.- Why do I even try...?! -.-

i'm sorry you feel that way. I was just trying to be friendly and say hello and reach my hand out and say that i'm here if you need me. i'm trying to be a good friend.

I needed friends this entire past semester, yet most people just never bothered to check in... to make sure that I was ok.
News Flash: I am NOT ok. I've not been ok for months.
But whatever... That doesn't matter. Time for me to go back to acting like I am totally ok... Because that's what people expect from me. -.-
I'm used to people not really asking how I'm doing, or saying they are there, yet when I really need people, they're not there... BUT meh... I.Give.up. They expect me to be there for them, and say that I can be myself. YET when that happens... Guess what... They don't take me seriously or just ignore what I have to say. -.- I'm So. Over. All. Of. This. I'm tired of people who make me feel like crap... because it makes them feel better. But whatever. How I feel doesn't matter anyways. Forget I ever said anything.

I just assume everything is okay unless somebody tells me it isn't. I saw you graduation photos. Did it last a long time?

Yeah... I PRETEND like I'm ok as I get so much fucking crap whenever I speak up and say how much pain I'm actually in... But that's ok... I'm used to people NOT bothering to check in and see how I'm really doing.

I'm not lying when I say I have NOT been ok for MONTHS... -.- Yet no one asks me truthfully with actually caring how I am doing. Or when I say how I'm doing... and I am honest, no one even seems to give a crap. So I've given up with being honest with how I feel... Why even bother when people don't care anyways?

Do you consider 2 1/2 hours a long time? (Given how many people they had to go through that was short compared to what it could have been.) Not that I remember any of it... I was so out of it and so overwhelmed.

It is hard for people to believe there is something wrong when we have to pretend otherwise. My dad doesn't believe me about my anxiety and makes fun of me for it.

That's not too long then! About the same as mine. I was kind of out of it too, trying not to have a panic attack. So many people!

Yeah, and EVERYONE shoves their happy family and relationships in my face... YET I just get JERKS who treat me like crap. TIME AND TIME AGAIN. I can not even be happy for people any more. I'm SO FUCKING over people who say 'there is someone out there for you'. -.- I get the message.. NO ONE WANTS ME UNLESS IT IS TO FREAKING ABUSE ME.
You want to know about my two exes who TREATED me like complete crap. Who both stomped on me. Made me feel like the dirt under their feet... And BOTH of them in less than a year. -.- Both master manipulators who feel like they can blame me and act like they don't like that I'm going to school yet saying that they support me no matter what. And then make me feel like CRAP when I chose to spend time doing school work so I could freaking GRADUATE... -.- And it gets worse than that... -.-

Or the 'friends' who say they're there for me but STAB me in the back... and act like EVERYTHING is my fault and treat me like I'm making things up. TIME AND TIME AGAIN.

Or co-workers who treat me like crap and say they are there for me, yet when I contact them with a problem, they act like I'm a FUCKING waste of their time because I am interrupting their PRECIOUS family time. -.- And only make me feel worse, and they've basically abandoned me and NEVER bother to even try to help me out when I don't know the company. She's getting a VERY nasty message when I quit at the end of the month. -.- Or people who are below me, who TREAT me like I'm the dirt under their shoes when ALL I am trying to do is HELP them... YET nothing I do is good enough and they just treat me like I'm the fucking biggest bitch in the world.

And then the people who act like they are here for me, yet they never bother to check in with me and I have to be the one to do all the work if I EVER want to talk to them. Sorry, I'm SICK of that.

And that is all just the tip of the ice burg with what's going on.

So you ask if I am ok. NO I am not OK.. NOT ok at all.

---------- Post added 06-17-2015 at 01:12 PM ----------

Yeah... but when people just treat me like CRAP whenever I tell them how I'm doing... Whatever... Once again this is all my freaking FAULT.. WHY DO I EVEN FREAKING TRY...?!

NO I AM NOT OK AT. ALL...... But why even bother... SORRY I SAID ANYTHING. FORGET I SAID ANYTHING AT ALL.

---------- Post added 06-17-2015 at 01:12 PM ----------

i should NOT have come back.

You say that you're sorry... that you didn't mean to hurt my feelings... but the SECOND that you chose to IGNORE and NOT respond to that post... THAT is the second that you hurt my feelings... and that word... 'sorry' means ABSOLUTELY nothing to me AT ALL. BECAUSE IGNORING POSTS FROM A FRIEND WHO IS OBVIOUSLY NOT OK.... is not how to treat people who you say is a friend. I'm SO over people hiding behind the word 'sorry' BECAUSE it means NOTHING to me anymore. -.-

I'm OVER people who act like it's ok that EVERYTHING is my fault.

I made a COMPLETE mistake by thinking I could come back here... Thank you for making me feel like once again it's my fault because I didn't take the effort to reach out when a friendship GOES BOTH WAYS. NOT JUST ONE WAY.

Thank you for reminding me that apparently this is all my fault because I didn't reach out... when you have the time to get on here and post... yet you don't have the time to reach out to see if someone who you CLAIM is a friend is OK... -.- But whatever. Not that it matters. I still feel like crap, you feel better. Nothing different here.

I had to leave because hubby was coming home. If i'm on the computer when he gets home, he gets upset and thinks I haven't done anything all day.