You've Just Won the Powerball!
 

First things first: I'd hire an investment firm.

Then, I'd go back to school to become a master prop artist, carpenter/molder. Then I spend all my time making things like this:



and this:



and also:



After learning all the DIY skills I've spent hours watching and idolizing on youtube, I'd search for my fixer-upper dream home in Irvine OR Chino Hills, CA and fix it up and fill it with a whole bunch of custom nerdy awesomeness, because why not.

This way, if my investment firm fails me, I'll at least have a trade I love instead of being a government lackey.

I would play off all my student loans then go back to school and get my masters. Then I'd buy a house and put it beside my mom's. And that would be it.

Wow, if I could only spend it on myself? I would buy at least one house, at least one car, various electronic gadgets, travel the world...and I would also buy a ton of things "for myself" that my family and friends can "borrow" for eternity.

I would hire a lawyer. Just straight up have a lawyer on retainer. One with an actual firm, and THEN I would buy myself a big enough piece of land that I could build a home for me and a bunch of my friends and family as well. After that, student loans are bye bye, and I would invest just enough that I wouldn't have to work until I managed to make a writing career happen. Just living comfortably I suppose. The idea of literally not having to work my ass off to survive sounds fantastic.
I might buy a couple of properties to rent out as well actually.

I WILL BUILD A HAREM AND LIVE A LIFE OF SIN. :I

Dang, yo, I wanted to buy my parents a house! [gonk] What's with this restriction of selfishness!

Okay, well, I'm over it.

First thing's first, I hire myself a financial adviser and a therapist. I'm not blowing this, and I'm not letting it make me any more nuts than I already am. After that, pay off my paltry student loans (community college, woo!), and find a nicer place to live. New furniture, new wardrobe, no more $7 mascara that burns my eyes... Probably adopt another kitty, to be honest. Get a new car - nothing crazy, though. Probably just a Toyota or something. Modest, safe sedan that gets good mileage and doesn't need much maintenance. After blowing some on modest fun things (no jetskis or mansions), I'll do what my financial adviser tells me to do. You know, like... invest or whatever boring stuff. [roll]

OH YEAH, AND I'M FLIPPING THE BIRD AT MY STUPID GROCERY STORE JOB. I'M DRIVING UP TO THE CORPORATE OFFICE AND TAKING A STEAMING POO ON THE OWNER'S DESK. BECAUSE HE'S A BIG OLD JERK WHO YELLED AT ME ONE TIME WHEN MY DEPARTMENT WAS MESSY BECAUSE MY MANAGER HAD LITERALLY JUST GONE INTO LABOR. So fuck that guy.

BUT I would get bored (and probably make poor financial decisions) if I had no work to do. So I'd probably find myself something part-time. Something fun-ish. Or learn to paint, whatever.

I know, you only asked for the first thing I'd buy, but maybe I've been thinking about this for a few weeks. [ninja]

Ooooh a therapist. Good call Cherry!

No therapist for me *shakes head*

A car with heated seats and steering wheel. A house. A top tier computer... umm... I'd probably put the remaining 398m in the bank and live off the interest for the rest of my life.
If I got bored in life, I would probably start a company of sorts. Not sure what kind though.

Man, Poet's got his priorities straight. What's the use of all that money if your ass is cold on the way to work?!

LOL I cracked up laughing after reading this

It's so true... and heated seats are amazing! Like hell with heating the rest of the car... heat ME!

Make sure the passenger seats are heated too because I'll be riding shotgun!

Well yeah... I want ALL seats headed [lol] if I'm loaded I aint skimping on the passengers. Though of course they would need to be both pressure sensitive and have an on/off switch for any who wants it off.

Additionally that car would have plates of solar panels installed into the roof to charge the battery of the car. Basically so the car is unable to be stranded due to lack of gas.

I'd deck out that car like crazy... *cough*engineeringmajor*cough* and I'd probably install a trauma kit so extensive that it would put a hospital to shame *cough*pharmacymajor*cough*

Haha poet I want you on my side in the zombie apocalypse. You and that car.

Holy cow, you are both an engineering AND a pharmacy major? :O

I'd buy several nice boats and a bigass island. I'd invest in several major tech companies and promising startups to keep my profits rising, and hire someone reasonable to watch my investments. I'd build a house on my items and keep enough emergency provisions on it to last a few years if necessary. I'd spend nice days outdoors, living off the land, building mud huts, fires, eating food I find growing wild, and generally become a survivorman. If I ever got tired of living outside and wanted modern comforts, I'd return to my hut and work on a game.

I would probably do this for a year or two, welcoming friends and allowing them use of one of my boats to visit my island. Once I tired of this life, I'd return to the world, check on my startups, nurture the ones that had succeeded, and probably start some crazy tech research project with the money I'd made.

Yeah, I went to be an engineer, couldn't get a job, so I went into medical.

Speaking of apocalypse. We could all move to Pkero's island and wait it out. [lol]

That sounds like a good call, Poet. And wow, Pkero you have thought that out!

Pkero is going to be an angel investor! We can all ask him for money to fund our companies 8D

My island is open for everyone; just bring food, your survival skills, and your party pants. [lol]

Oh man, I am always in my party pants. Let's bring this.

Survival skills though? Use some of that money to get rid of the poisonous snakes and all first please XD

But make sure there's a healthy number of king snakes to ward off bandits :D