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-   -   New Poem I made in Class (https://www.menewsha.com/forum/showthread.php?t=52036)

upinthetrees 04-09-2007 01:33 AM

New Poem I made in Class
 
This is a poem I made in class, just tell me what you think and some critique would be nice. ^^

When Daddy Came Home

My daddy is fighting in the war
Just imagining him dead in the dirt
Brings so much pain
And causes hurt.

My daddy has been gone
For six long years
All this waiting
Has brought so many tears.

Mama was praying
Asking God for pardon
Trying hard not to cry, she looked up
Daddy was in the front yard garden.

I haven’t met my daddy
So I didn’t know what to say
He came over and picked me up
I say, “Daddy are you ever going away?”

He whispers to me
“Sweetie, of course not,”
I begin to sob silently
“My time is up, I’ve already fought.”



This isn't a true story. Please do not steal :)

cyanideislove 04-21-2007 07:01 PM

I like it a lot. I can never rhyme when I'm trying to write serious poetry.

upinthetrees 04-21-2007 07:10 PM

thanks. usually I can't rhyme either, but our teacher said it had to have an ABCB rhyme scheme.

cyanideislove 04-21-2007 07:13 PM

Yeah, one of my old teachers did that a lot too. My current english teacher is actually very leniant on structure. I think she's just happy when we write poetry at all XD.

upinthetrees 04-21-2007 07:17 PM

every month, my teacher makes us write a certain poem on a certain theme. Sometimes it doesn't have a rhyme scheme. I really like my english teacher because she signs the class up for different contests on writing and lets us use our creativity, while my old teacher lived on grammar. my english teacher this year hasn't even let us open our grammar textbooks at all.

cyanideislove 04-21-2007 07:26 PM

My english teacher will put up flyers for various poetry contests, and she encourages us to join. We actually haven't had to write poetry at all this year. We have this thing where we have to turn in a piece of writing every 2-3 weeks, and it can be stories, poetry essay, etc, and lot's of people do poetry for that.

She did make us do a lot of grammar for the first half of the school year, which was terrible. The thing that bugged me the most though was having to read books with the whole class. She totally overanalyzed them, and made us read chapters out loud every class, and we never got to do any writing.

upinthetrees 04-21-2007 07:31 PM

that's pretty cool

wow that must have been horrible. That's what we did pretty much last year except we just read the grammar book out loud and a couple people would always be so confused so while the teacher was explaining the topic for the tenth time in a row, I would just do homework with my friend and joke around the whole time.

cyanideislove 04-21-2007 07:35 PM

That's basically what I did. I doodled, and whenever the teacher asked me a question, I usually was able to answer because it was either about: the book she made us read over and over again, or grammar we learned in 4th grade. And I usually had cool people sitting next to me, so we would talk the whole time.

upinthetrees 04-21-2007 07:44 PM

that's cool.

What type of genre do you usually write? I mostly do poems

cyanideislove 04-21-2007 07:47 PM

I actually just started writing poetry yestrday. Before that I never really tried, cuzz I thought it was too hard.

Mostly I write fantasy, sometimes contemporary fiction, but rarely (reality is just sooooo boring), and occasionally some stuff that might be classified as sci fi. I love writing goofy crazy stuff set in strange places, with random stuff happening all the time (like the back&forth story me and my buddy Lemoni are writing right now).

upinthetrees 04-21-2007 07:52 PM

that's cool. Right now in class, my teacher made us find a picture of someone we don't know and make a character sketch out of just the picture. Then we got to look at everyone else in the class's people, and then we have to make story using one of those characters. I'm not very good at stories but I'll have to try. ^^

cyanideislove 04-21-2007 08:05 PM

I'm sure it will be a very fun project though. My philosophy for those things: When in doubt, make it as crazy and unrealalistic as possible. :]]]

My teacher likes to have us read books, and then write at least one chapter that's a continuation of the story. Those are always fun.

upinthetrees 04-21-2007 08:17 PM

Yeah, It's going to be fun but very challenging. Wow that must be really hard to make a whole chapter.

cyanideislove 04-21-2007 08:21 PM

Well, a chapter is three pages single spaced. At least. But yeah, sometimes the author has such a good ending, that it's really hard to continue. And other times is really easy and really fun.


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