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Kilala's story (under constrution)
This is where we're supposed to post our stories right? Well I've been working on one for a long time now and I've decided I want C&C on it. I want to know what I could change to make it better and more enjoyable rather than a pain to read >< I'm not good at titling either but so far it's called "Powerful souls" Not much to do with souls till the end but yes. It is a fantasy and I made it a long time ago when I was still an amateur at writing. Beware it is really cheesy and predictable. I started the sequel which in my opinion is way better. I will get that one up too :wink: Please enjoy ^^
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One day a fairy named Cristal was playing with her two friends, Avalyn and Stella. All of the sudden two other fairies burst through the bushes and flew over to the girls
"Hi Quil! Hi Shiso!" The girls chimed. "HI!" Shiso yelled. "Hey." Quil said without emphasis. When Quil and Cristal where alone Cristal asked, "How are you, Quil?" "Fine." Quil sighed. "Really? You seem..." She paused, "Sad..." "Nope, I'm fine." He sighed again. "What's on your mind then? You can tell me." She smiled. "Well," He started, " This friend of mine likes one of his friends but he doesn't know how to tell her. The problem is I have no clue what to tell him... Do you have any ideas?" "Sure! Tell him to find her alone and tell her then. I'm sure he'd be more comfortable when they're alone." She replied. "Well that's easier said than done..." Quil mumbled, "Thanks." Quil called for Shiso and they left. |
That night Avalyn and Cristal were stargazing by a pond near Crystals home when Quil and Shiso came to them.
"I need to talk to you for a sec, Ava. Will you please come with me?" Shiso asked. Cristal smiled inside, "So it had been him?" Shiso started walking towards the Willow forest and Avalyn followed shortly after. "Come on." Quil called to Cristal and followed Avalyn through the trees with Cristal trailing behind him. A short ways in, Quil grabbed Cristal's hand and pulled her the opposite way of Ava and Shiso. "Good luck." Cristal called to Shiso in her head, "What are we doing?" Cristal asked, trying not to trip. "You'll see." Was all he said. Soon Quil and Cristal came into a clearing. There was a big rock situated in the middle of the clearing where the stars shone through the branches of the willows. A smaller pond was in the corner of the clearing and a small brook ran through. "Wow! This place is beautiful!" Cristal ran over to the rock. She looked around to spot koi in the pond. "Not as beautiful as you..." He said under his breath. "Hmm?" She quickly looked at him. "Umm, Thanks.. Again. For that good advice you gave me before." He stumbled out. "Oh," Cristal blinked, "Well, you're welcome." Cristal smiled at him and started swinging her feet. "So what did you bring me here for? Couldn't we have waited for them out there?" Cristal was concerned about getting lost. "I..." He paused, "I have a question to ask you." Quil fell silent. "Well, go on. I'll try my best to answer it." She coaxed. "I was wondering..." He stared down at his feet, "Do you have a crush on someone?" Cristal, startled by the question, replied, "Yes I do. Why do you ask? Do you?" Quil just stared at his feet. "Oooo, that must mean yes!" She teased, "Who is it? Can I know?" "Can I know who yours is first?" He asked shyly. She shooked her head quickly "No, sorry." Cristal seemed flustered by the question. "I will keep it to myself then too." Quil was relieved a little. |
MeanwhileAUTHORS NOTE: this part sucks just to warn you
"Um... I was wondering... You know how Cristal's birthday is coming up? Quil and I were wondering if you and Stella had a party planned for her." Shiso asked. "Yes. We were planning on throwing a surprise party for her. Do you have any ideas? We kind of don't know what to do..." Avalyn replied. Shiso and Avalyn sat there thinking when finally Shiso came up with an idea. "We should pretend like we forgot about her birthday and then later that night bring her here and party!" Shiso was excited. "It's a little mean but it's a good idea." Avalyn smiled. They stayed there for a bit working out details and planning. |
Quil paced the ground outside the forest entrance.
"What's taking them so long?" Quil paced "You're making me dizzy." Cristal put her feet into the cool water. "Oh, sorry." Quil stopped pacing. Just then Shiso and Avalyn came out. "Finally!" Quil was relieved, "Ready to go?" "Bye girls!" Shiso winked at Avalyn, "See you tomorrow!" Quil zoomed off and Shiso quickly caught up. "So what happened?" Cristal was very curious. "Oh nothing." Avalyn tried to hide a smile. "Nothing? He didn't try to ask you out or anything?" Cristal was confused. "Ask me out?" Avalyn was the most confused now, "Where'd you get that idea?" "Oh.. umm... Nowhere. Just a thought." Cristal was deep in thought now, "Well anyways, good night." "Good night!" Avalyn smiled and they both took off. |
"Rise and shine sleepy goose!" Stella called, "It's time to go! Hurry! Ava and me will wait for you by the door."
Cristal sat up in her bed and rubbed her eyes. She quickly got dressed and ready for their trip. She met Avalyn and Stella outside her house. "Ready to go?" Avalyn asked. "Yes I am! Let's go!" Cristal smiled. Then they left for the pond. |
"Splish-splash!" Stella splashed Avalyn and Cristal.
They had gone on a hike through the forest and came back for a swim in the pond afterwards. "Hey!" Avalyn and Cristal chimed. They both started splashing Stella and soon they were having a water fight. Out of nowhere a voice yelled "CANNON BALL!!" and huge waves came and pulled Cristal under. They heard another "CANNON BALL!" and a lesser ripple of waves again pulled Cristal under. She shot out of the water and hovered. They watched as Quil and Shiso came up for air. Cristal shook the water off and dove at Quil. She pulled him down as she went under. She then quickly swam to the shore to hide. Avalyn and Stella attacked Shiso with furious splashes as Shiso attacked back laughing. Quil came up looking around for Cristal. He noticed her hiding on the shore and flew over to her. She was watching the others playing. "How come you're all of the sudden paying so much attention to me?" She watched Stella take Shiso under. Quil seemed startled. "Umm... I guess I didn't notice it..." he blinked. Cristal kissed his cheek. "It's ok. I know you're lying. YOu don't have to tell me if you don't want to." She got up, "Well I should be getting home now." She wiped herself off and flew over to the others. "Bye guys." Cristal sighed. Avalyn splashed her, "You're still going to meet me here tonight right?" Cristal smiled, "Yep!" She then flew away. When she was out of sight the others started getting ready for the party. |
Later that evening, just as the sun was setting, Avalyn met up with Cristal at her house.
"Hey Ava." Cristal smiled. "Hi!" Avalyn was excited. "Now what?" Cristal asked. "Put this on." Avalyn replied, holding out a blind fold, "and follow me!" When the blindfold was on Avalyn took Cristal's hand and started running down the path to the pond. To be continued/I need a break |
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