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Discipline versus Abuse
Discipline versus Abuse. It's a very twisted concept, children are calling the police on their parents for the slightest thing, and parents take advantage of calling wolf to commit true abuse. What is the difference in definitions nowadays? Does it depend on how we've been raised? I believe that may be true. Parents try to reason with their children, give them "voices", or gently reprimand them. What happens when the child gains too much control? To be honest, if you're the parent, shouldn't you know what's best for the child and execute it? It's true, the child may resent you for a little bit, but isn't the eternal quote, "I know you did it for my own good." a world-wide mantra for children to their parents? Why should the child be able to threaten the parent, when the request isn't outrageous and neither is the disciplinary choice? A child should be given a chance to express their opinions, but in the end it all rides on the responsibility of the parent.
When will parents learn the difference between getting the message through physically, and it just being enough. To harass and hurt a child for every little reason suggest possible control issues, and mental instability. For parents to pass off their obvious abuse as discipline, it's almost monstrous. However once again it brings this question into play, "What is the difference?". Nowadays the line between the two is very thin and blurred. Sometimes too much attention is given to the situation, and the child is ripped from a parent that didn't commit abuse. Or, too little attention is given, and the child suffers immeasurably, sometimes to the point of death. And then, what of the rising situations where the child begins to fight back (or begin abuse on their own behalf). In several situations (if not most), the child at generally a teen or adolescent age will retaliate. Sometimes it's for self-defense, sometimes the child takes offense even when the parent hasn't done something. Then there's the part people hide, where the child gets big enough and begins to attack the parents upon no provocation at all. Is that "discipline"? Is it "abuse"? Can we truly call the child beating the parent abusive? When you say it, it seems almost completely alien to the tongue, but it is happening. I will be honest. I believe in the saying "Spare the rod, spoil the child". I know I will spank my children if they get out of line, as they get older and bigger, I'll probably only be able to get their attention or discipline them by a sound backhand across the face. To CLARIFY, older and bigger means when they're big teenagers who have raised a hand to me unprovoked (child on parent abuse). That is the ONLY time I would ever strike my child anywhere other than their rear. I know that I will never spank them out of rage or anger, so that it would keep my mind clear. I'd only do what was necessary. Losing control is a deadly thing, especially in this day and age. I'd also never want my children to resent me, I want them to know that they misbehaved and they need to pay the proper price for it as an adult would. Therapy is not so bad an idea for people who have suffered from abuse whether as the child or the adult. A common fear parents have is becoming like theirs, and yet there is a way to help it and several don't. Whether it's because of money or time, isn't your child worth it? Getting help from other people or a therapist doesn't make you crazy, it means you want to heal because you love your family. If ever they damaged something, I'd discipline them but I wouldn't spank them so hard they'd have welts or bruises. Just some red marks that would probably fade away in under half an hour. I'd also make them work off or pay for whatever they'd broken or messed up. For me, it sets boundaries and lets them know that not only now but in the real world people will not just let them off as easily as other children are. If they got older and got into serious trouble, such as arrested, I'd leave them there in the jail for a night, if it happened again two nights, so on and so forth. I am not going to baby my children, I am going to let them know that if you do something wrong then you need to pay for it, they can't just get off scot-free because of parents or anything else. I refuse to coddle, but I will love them. I believe that physical discipline is fine, as long as it only includes the rump, and isn't inflicted till the point of welting, bruising, or bleeding. Later on in life since they'll be larger I'll probably have to resort to slapping or holding them down, depending on how awful my children will be. However I know, that smacking will always be a last resort. I believe that grounding and chores does have an effect to a certain extent (at least until the child becomes too cocky and unruly). I believe that kids, children, teens, young adults what-have-you, who throw fits over being spanked as I have just described are spoiled babies (to put it bluntly). In a sense it's a lesson to take your punishment, you've done something wrong and you need to understand and accept responsibility for it. If it goes beyond what I think is fine, then I consider it abuse. Using anything other than the palm of your hand such as a fist or other object is also considered abuse in my book. For a child, abuse would be bruises, welts, cuts, bleeding anywhere on the body. When it gets to the point that you either enjoy disciplining them or it's purely out of anger, that's abuse. It is not abuse to quietly give them their amounted punishment without injuring the child and then send them to their room. I believe it would also be good to come in a little afterwards to hold them and let them know why this happened and what they learned. For young adults, abuse is the point of beating, bruises, or anything I described for a child, especially broken bones. I realize that in tussling with the parents accidents can happen. As long as the injury is not purposely created and afterwards they both talk and calm down. I myself have personally experienced abuse as a child and young adult. However, I will not be an extremist and completely rule out the 'sparing of the rod' technique. I will also not allow my rage from my childhood or anything my child may or will cause to transpose into my discipline. As long as my children will know that no matter what, we never disciplined them out of rage, self-hate, resentment or anything else, I believe that my self-restraint and collective attitude will create very happy childhoods. To me, you need to know when to stop, and I've defined my lines. But what about the rest of society? |
i believe in smacking your children, often the fear of being smacked is enough to get them to behave anyway.
My Mum used to beat me, for the most stupid reasons often enough, i know now that it was because she couldn't really cope with raising me on her own, and it was her way of dealing with issues, but it made me hate her. Even now, at the age of 35 i will never forgive her for what she did to me as a child. but i still stand by the fact that children need to learn discipline, and a single smack will often deter them from doing whatever they were doing again. wherever you go people are going to abuse their children, regardless of the laws about discipline, there's no way to stop abusers, apart from chopping their hands off maybe.. :? but laying down laws to try a stop a minority of abusers, threatens the entire nations stability. Here in Britain kids are absolute monsters, because no-one can discipline them anymore, and these are the future generation that will be leading the country :shock: i hope i'm not around to see it. maybe they should bring back corperal punishment in schools, it had been phased out by the time i went to school, but i talk to many 40+ year olds who ended up getting the cane at school, and they all say it put the fear of god into them and they behaved after that. i think a lot of the problem these days is poor parenting skills. children are becoming parents, and they have no idea how to bring up their own kids, so they let them run wild. i see a lot of young girls with push-chairs in my town, screaming at their kids to shut up, makes me very sad :( |
I agree that most parents need to be more tough on their kids, but there is a difference between discipline and hurting your child. It's not good for a kid to live in fear, but it's also not good for them to have absolute control over their parents, because that causes problems with authroity later on in life.
I think that it's one of those things that you have to take on a famiy-to-family basis. No outside party can really tell you how to govern your family, because they won't really be in the thick of it. I don't like corporal punishment, though, so I won't be hitting my kids. I'm more of a "take-shit-away" gal. "NO PS2 FOR YOU!" xD |
Bravo on your opening view. I haven't seen one written that well in a while.
Anywho, onto the topic of debate-- I believe smacking is okay. It seems some parents have a twisted view on this though. It's not okay to smack your child if the offense doesn't call for it. Making a show in an open place is a call for it, but that doesn't mean beating them from frustration. (Especially if they are young, that can lead to smacking and hitting in school.) A good example of discipline gone wrong was the mother who was caught on camera beating her child in the parking lot of a Wal-mart because the child got a case of the screams. Bad, bad move on her part. She should have known better. I'm a firm believer that starving your child from dinner is not a way to teach a lesson. It will either make them feel as if they shouldn't eat or that they should eat as much as possible (binge eating) in fear of being denied dinner because of a bad test score. (A bad reason to smack a child) Grounding only works when you know the child enjoys something in their room too much. Then again, it never worked for me because I was inventive. I had to be since I'm an only child, you find limitless ways to entertain yourself in your room when you're all alone. Kids are changing from when I was younger. More disrespectful and exposed to more at younger ages. It's sad really, because people are trying to protect the innocent from all the harm in the world, but it can only work so well. |
I do not personally believe in corporal punishment. I know that studies show that physical punishment (with school age children) is the least effective way to modify behavior. On the flip side, I agree that parents need to be more strict with their children in general--but this does not necessarily mean physical punishement.
About the time a child enters primary school, physical punishment stops working as well and punishment has to be increased to acheive the same results. Fear is not a very good control... eventually that child will either do something drastic to rebel or will buckle under the pressure. Neither are good. It's a bad sign when children strike back at their parents--physically or emotionally. And remember, even if it's punishment, violence begets violence. Parents need to be firm, consistant and steadfast. A strong will goes a long way. When I was a small child my mother used to smack my hands, but I was never spanked. When it got to the point where I used to be snarky about getting hit, I was assigned chores. The worse I behaved, the more chores I had to do. The better I behaved the fewer chores I had or the more help I would get since there were some chores I always had to do regardless. I was never grounded-- I was not allowed to go outside, talk on the phone, play, listen to music, etc, until all of my chores and homework was done and done correctly. I would have to do this same ammount of work every day until my mother felt that my appologies were sincere enough, which trust me, never took more than a couple days. This worked with me and all five of my siblings. |
yeah, learning to treat children like humans helps a lot, a lot of younger parents seem to treat their kids as if they're a burden,or they ALWAYS snap at the, whatever the child says, so it's hardly suprising that kids grow up with a bad atitude now.
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I believe in spanking if it'd done right. And, this is a big issue for me since I am going into social services.
I believe that spanking is healthy for a parent child relationship, if it is done to show that it is a punishment for a misbehavior and is explained that the child did something wrong. I think a parent should sit their child down, explain what they did, why it was wrong and for that they are getting a spanking. Never should a parent spank a child while they are still angry, that's why you send them to their room for a bit, so you can calm down and get your thoughts together. It's not abuse to spank your child on it's behind, but I think that most people are afraid to punish their children because the system is so uptight about a lot of things. I know there is good reason, trust me. I've seen things that are so awful you cannot understand what would bring a human being to do that to another, let alone a child. It can be a bonding expirence, I was spanked, even with a wooden paddle at times, it never damaged the relationship between me and my parents because I knew I deserved to be punished for my misbehavior. They never sat me down and explained stuff to me like I suggested, but I don't think all children who grow up being spanked turn out bad. Of course there are ways you don't go about doing it, like I would never suggest the paddle my mother used on me, or anything other then a parents own hand, and even then you have to be really careful and aware of your own strength. My father never spanked us, I think because he was a much bigger guy. He was a construction worker and was built. But, he stepped in when he had to in way of discipline. Spanking is a parents choice, it's their children, they decide what will be in their best interest within certain lines. AND the biggest thing here is how does each child react to this? No child is going to have the same reaction to punishment, I was spanked because it worked for me. My brother was put in timeout because to him that was the worst thing they could do. It's the same everywhere. What works? Spanking? Timeout? Chores? Toys taken away? |
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I believe in spanking children. You can sit a 2 year old down and explain until you are blue in the face that climbing up on the counter and throwing all the dishes out of the cupboards is wrong -- but it isn't really going to make sense. A quick smack on the butt along with having them help clean up the mess is a much more effective solution.
Physical discipline doesn't ruin a child. I have three teenagers, every one of the were smacked on the butt when they were little. Not one of them has grown up abusive or hateful. When they deserved it, I would spank them. The key to effective parenting is showing (showing, not telling - words are just that, words) how much you love them. Discipline is about love, l love my kids -- and they know there are boundaries. There are limits to what is acceptable behaivor, and they know I expect a lot from them. My theory is, if I don't expect more -- how will they ever know they can achieve more. Abuse is a completely different animal than discipline. Abuse is about anger, not love. Abuse is about the abuser -- not the child. It's about power and intimidation -- not about how to teach a child what is acceptable and what isn't. Abuse is about pain and fear, not boundaries. And teaching a child that is never acceptable. Whether it is physical or emotional (can you have one without the other?) abuse, it has never been an effective method of parenting. When my son was in the third grade, they had an officer from the Sheriffs Department visit. He explained about abuse, and how if any of them were being abused, or knew of someone who was -- all they had to do was call 911. My son came home that night, we all sat down to dinner and he refused to eat his bread and butter. As usual, when any of them refused to finish, he had to sit at the table until he ate it. He then informed me that not only did he not have to eat his bread and butter, but he didn't have to sit at the table either. And there was nothing I could do about it -- because the sheriff person had told him that if I 'hit' him, he could call 911. This I believe is the reason why parents are afraid to spank their children. |
When I was little, I had the occasional spanking until I got older. Instead, I had an abusive drunk stepfather whom bossed every one in the house around. If our grades we're low, he'd scream in our faces for hours or if we accidently harmed his real son, we'd be choked and thrown across the room and threatened of his use with the fists, some of the time not just threats. He scared the living shit out of our entire family. Our mother didn't do anything about it because she supposedly "loved him".
With time, things worsened. He eventually had the cops called on him and he fled the scene. We havn't really spoken to him much afterwards. My mother divorced him shortly after, and things became a little more peaceful. I didn't enjoy the time spent with him. He makes you feel stupid and inferior compared to his superiority. His abuse was too extreme to be called discipline. When I'm older, I won't let that sort of thing happen. I'm not one to abuse. If my children ever get out of line, it's to their rooms where they're meals will be sent. If they attain too much power, I'll ship em off to bootcamp for a few weeks to learn respect and true discipline. I can't understand why a parent would torture their children for the bettering of their feelings. It's unfair and childish itself in its own manner. |
@Amarillo Sky- Well said! I grew up in a house like that, and I think I can safely say I've turned out a lot better than most kids my age. At least, I HOPE I can say that. >.>
But yes. Sometimes a good swat on the butt is needed to get the message through. It doesn't have to be hard. Just hard enough to get the message across. My dad gave me a good spanking all the time as a kid, but you know what? Most of the time, I DESERVED it. I was the neighborhood troublemaker when I was little, and I got what was coming to me. If what I did was really bad, yes, it would be hard. More often than not, though, my spanking was only forcible enough to get the message across that I was doing a bad thing. I actually got spanked a lot more than my little brother did, and you know what? The roles have pretty much been reversed. While my brother hasn't done anything BAD, per se, he's the kid that brings my parents more headaches these days. I WISH my dad would give him a good swat, honestly. Yet one must look at kids these days, and see how the LACK of discipline is really ruining kids these days. It's honestly disgusting, and is one of the prime factors as to why I'm choosing NOT to have children. I don't want them exposed to this sort of crap. It's not fair to them. |
It's a hard choice but my personal belief has always been that physical punishment is the kind of thing you do to an animal. Something you aren't able to properly communicate with when they do wrong things. On this note, I think parents need to put more time into their children. Scareing them straight works, but so does spending lots of time molding their character and making them understand why they are in trouble for doing bad things, and what's bad about what they did. Obviously a child is going to have trouble understanding these kinds of things, but if they don't start learning the basics then, what happens in the future?
To me, sending the child to bed without dinner sends the same message a "spank" does, without giving them the mental image of being spanked. And by "without dinner", I mean you give them a glass of water and a piece of bread and put them in their room for the evening, taking out toys and other fun activities. You aren't straving the child, that would also be abuse (as in, it wouldn't be any better than spanking). This method takes away the delicious dinner they could have been having, yet keeps them from being painfully hungry or anything like that. In disipline, it's always best to stay focused on the main goal, making them understand what they did and never (or try never) to do it again. The actual punishment just helps give them motive. In the end, a good disipline strategy would result in them thinking, "I shouldn't do that because it's wrong", rather than, "I should do that because I'll be spanked". At first, it'll be hard to get the first reaction, it's pretty much impossible. As time goes on, it'll be easier. I'm not necessarily against other parents spanking their children. This is more my personal view on how I believe I will raise my children. There are a lot of people who use spanking as a method and it works and the child turns out great. So don't think I'm saying my way is right for everyone. Talking about parents in general, I just mean that's how I see parenting when I think about it for me. Does that make sense? On another note, I hate those kids who run their parents. It's just so pathetic of the parents. They think the kid likes them better, but that's not the case at all. The kid learns the parent's a pushover, loses all respect... how many friends do you have that you don't respect? Probably little to none. It's just not how it works. You know what's best for them, as an adult. Explain it to them, because I loathe parents using the phrase, "Because I said so." That's not an answer, it just a lazy way of getting out of parenting your child. Even if the child doesn't understand right away or doesn't agree because they don't understand, they still deserve the explaination. It may be obvious to you that they need to go to bed early, but to them, they might be confused or just forget the way things work. Their kids. :P Back on topic, explain your decisions and when you both grow up, they'll be your friend. Let them run over you at age five and they'll be doing it forever. Worst is when the parents complain about the stuff their kid has, music, clothes, video games, posters... when YOU BOUGHT THEM. Gezz. :P Okay... [/rant] |
Based on my personal experiences, I tend to think about my punishments as an abuse... But I realized that they're doing it because they want to protect me from bad habits, influences...etc.
Most children misunderstand the reason why their parents are punishing them for their ill habits/doings. Here in my country, It's children who's reporting their parents. And if not the kid who's going to report it, it could be their neighbor or a childhood-friend ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ |
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I have experienced corporal punishment in my little lifetime, and though I don't hold it against the one who did it to me, I do resent it, and, as an adult now, consider it to have been a gross misjudgement in appropriate punishment. I'm sure a lot of people who end up seriously harming their children through the extreme use of corporal punishment thought they would never hurt a child so badly or things could go so far, but thinking about a future situation and actually being in a situation are two completely different things. You never know what you'll do or what you're capable of until you're actually doing it. Additionally, people are individuals (well, obviously). As a parent I might think "well, I know what's best for my child, and I'm sure they'll get over a slap in the years to come", but I have never once met a person who was wired the same way as another. I don't see how I can know what corporal punishment will do to another person, my child or not, in the future, and considering how messed up some people turn out due to violence, why would I or anyone else want to risk it? The world is a fantastically violent place as it is - how can we can encourage this mindset in our own homes? |
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It's when they get into school that you need to switch tactics because it isn't as effective anymore. That's when they start learning about autonomy, that it's their responsibility to protect their body. It also sends confusing signals to 1-5 graders, this "You can't hit others, but if you hit or do something wrong, I get to hit you." |
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I also agree with the light taps when they are too little to understand anything, sometimes it is the only way. But ONLY if it's the only way. I think you should at least try other methods before you smack. |
I edited the first post for further clarification ...
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I have to agree! Having a 4 year old and a 9 moth old, I can honestly say that sometimes, a smack to the bum is the only way to get through to them! My 9 month old needs it to go along with the firm, sharp "No" so he learns that I mean whatever he's reaching for is not acceptable. As he ages, just saying it should (hopefully) be enough.
About my 4 year old though, now there's a trickier proposition. She's just started Junior Kindergarden this year, and along with all her new experience has come the sense of self preservation against getting in trouble. Her tactic? Lying. Not acceptable to my husband or myself, and we both agreed this behavior needs to be squashed as soon as possible. We tried reasoning with her and taking away her privileges (for up to a week, which is forever for a 4 year old!). In the end though, getting a spanking is what got through to her. What I've discovered is that consistency is key from day one. Whatever you tell them you're going to do you *must* follow through on. So that the day a spanking become necessary, when you tell them "If this ever happens again you *will* get another spanking!" they will know unequivocally and without a doubt that you mean it! That's probably the best deterent you'll ever be able to provide as a parent! And that's my two cents! :P |
Aah
I was spanked when I was very young but when I got a bit older I REALLY did NOT understand why my parents could hit me and I couldn't retaliate when I felt that I was in the right or why what they said was right and whatever I said was wrong... Their best argument was that they were my parents and thus deserved respect. That reasoning never flew with me and I'm a stubborn person when angry :/. Looking back I know that I was probably in the wrong, but at the time I thought I was justified in whatever it was, and a good talk would probably have straightened me out much faster with less fuss. That being said, I don't think a spank is bad as a last resort. But a child really needs to understand why they deserve it. And yes, hitting in anger is usually bad and causes regret later. I also agree that once kids hit the age where they can reason and understand things, the fear approach is not the best option... eventually your kid will also realize that they're bigger than you >_>;; and then you have problems. |
I had a friend back where i used to live that would beat her child. she wouldnt always buckle her in to her car seat, and she would leave her home alone alot. I should mention that this child is 2. She was an abusive mother. But she also abused her daughter mentally. She would grab her face and make her look her straight in the eyes and then she would proceed to tell her daughter that she hates her because she looks like her daddy. That my dear friends is abuse. and the worst kind, because the kid didnt know what was going on.
I think spanking is ok if the crime merits the punnishment. if the kid spilled juice on the carpet... no. thats just stupid have them clean it up and sit in time out of it bugs you that much. If they run out into the street, yes. you want them to remember that there was a pinful punnishment for doing that action. not one where they sit down for a little bit and start thinking about other things. you need something immediately so that they know and remember not to do it again. But spanking needs to end at a certain point. I think middle school. then you should be able to sit down adn talk with your kids about what to do adn what not to do. and if thye do wrong ground them, or take away something they enjoy for a little while so they know it isnt acceptable. My dad still used a belt on me up until high school. I called CPS on him so he would realize that you cant belt your children. it had left marks on me for weeks. was he abusive all the time? no. he wasnt. he really was/ is an awesome dad. but i didnt want my sister to get beat with a belt for choosing homework over getting the dishes done when my mother told me to. it just wasnt going to happen. I talked with him about it afterwords and he agreed that if they hadnt come and talked to us he probably would still be doing it. he didnt realize that you cant solve everything with violvence now a days like his dad did back when he was growing up. times are changing. spanking is ok up to a certain age when the kids can start understanding you better and know how to make decisions that arent based on oooo sparkly im going to follow then hitting to make your point needs to stop and a new punnishment idea should be in place. i also dont think children should abuse the system and get their parents in trouble for nothing. it took me a long time to decide to call on my dad and thats because the marks lasted that long. </3 |
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Honestly, I do believe in spanking. But it depends, both on the personality of the child and the extent to which the child did "wrong".
Some offenses are "spankable". I put a lot of emphasis on manners and respect. So if my child EVER decides to act rude (not like, occasional talkback, but swearing and cursing, or pulling and scratching guests after repeated warnings), that is instantly a spankable offense. I'm very firm about that kind of stuff, as my younger cousins are extremely rude and mortifying to be around. I don't want my children shaming themselves because they're so ill-behaved. Repeated, serious offenses deserve a spanking, too, like lying, stealing, cheating, etc. And some other ones aren't so important, and don't need a spanking. For example, doodling on the walls. Most effective method? Give the child a bucket of water, a sponge, sit there, and calmly watch him/her (ineffectively) clean up the wall. My parents did that to me, and I NEVER drew on a wall again. I was too busy feeling mortified/upset with myself. Or ripping apart/doodling on books? My parents just sat me down each time and had a talk with me. Eventually, I grew out of it. A lot of the smaller offenses are due to childhood curiosity, in my opinion, and they right themselves as the child matures/grows up. It's SO not worth a spanking. Spankings should be used as a last resort, because if you do them repeatedly, they lose their power. When my parents spanked me, I KNEW I had done something really, really wrong, because it was such a rare occurance. And parents who use spankings as their main form of discipline strike me as very, very inefficient. Obviously, they don't understand their child's psyche enough to discipline their child effectively besides using force. Seriously. Anyways, yes. There should be a test before adults can become parents. My father is an EXCELLENT parent, but my mother is another story. She's a much less effective disciplinarian... x_x;; I love her, but still... --- PERSONAL RAMBLINGS ON THE TOPIC: I really hate parents who spank their children in public. Spankings are for the home. Not for the public to watch and stare at. I sympathize more with the child than the parent, because the parent is showing his/her inefficiency at raising his/her child, and also destroying the child's self-esteem. If your toddler is throwing a temper tantrum in the middle of the store or in the restaurant, it's really not appropriate to go and slap the child across the cheek. First off, if you were a good parent, your toddler would be slightly more well-behaved. I don't EVER recall throwing a temper tantrum in public. EVER. Because my parents had already instilled in me a sense of manners and respect. I also don't care HOW exasperated you are with your child. Screaming at them and slapping them does NOT solve the problem... A simple glare works, because everytime I toed the line of propriety out in public, my mother gave me this awful look. ^^; And I stopped whatever I was doing. I hate parents that pinch, and parents that use anything more severe than a clothes hanger to spank their children. Rulers are okay. Belts and sticks are not. I don't care HOW lightly you go, I've seen the aftereffects (not on myself, but on my cousin). Bruises, bruises, and more bruises. And spankings should be for the clothed bottom, or for the palms of the hand. Not anywhere else. ><; EDITEDIT: These are just my thoughts. They're not meant to offend, or to judge anyone who does these things. I've just seen the result of children with parents who did this to them, and yeah. It makes me so angry. ><;; |
I believe in grounding...but grounding by work, not by time.
Example... If a kid throws a temper tantrum, warn them, if they continue, assign shittyass homework. Like math. "Grounded till you finish 80 math problems" would've been worse for me than most other crap cause it's annoying, it requires effort; time passes. Math doesn't. |
I personally believe that some children need to be spanked. I work in a day care and I see kids all the time that I know their moms and dads are just loving the child to death. One girl threw a huge temper tantrum and started to kick her mother because she was taking her home. I told the mom to get dad and just let her sit on the ground and pout. She did and everyone who walked by looked and giggled at the girl because she did look very silly pouting and sitting in the middle of a store floor. Dad came and scooped her up and she still tried to hit him. I knew that girl needed alot more discipline.
I babysit a little girl who I adore and love. She got out of hand with me one time and did something really cruel to her brother. I spanked her bare butt till it was pink and it only took two hits on her butt to do that. SHe cried and cried in a corner where I made her sit for four minutes (she was four and I give the child a minute for every year they are for their time outs. A 30 minute time out does nothing because a kid generally forgets what they did and why they are sitting in time-out after the first 10 oor less) and once she got out of time out I sat down next to her and looked her right in the eye and explained to her very simply what she did was wrong and I why she got in so much trouble. Ever since then she has never gotten out of hand with me and never ever does anything really wrong in front of me. This is not out of fear though because she alwayss tell her dad ," When do I get to go to Aunty Merri's? I wanna go see Aunty Merri. Can I go see Aunty Merri?" I also spanked my niece and she gets out of control every now and then, but since she is now older I use time outs more. Spanking just doesn't seem right to use on an 8 year old. She's old enough to take a time out and sit and talk to with and understand what she did was wrong. I know what works with her and time outs are the most efficient now. I strongly hate public abuse, but I have a friend at work who was shopping with their child and her kid was being obnoxious and annoying and kept throwing things in the cart and being a pain in the ass. SHe took his hand and smacked it and said, " Stop that right now." In a very stern firm voice. A lady behind her called the cops on the phone and followed her through out the store. After she checked out there was a cop waiting for her in the line and asked if she hit her child and she said, " Show me the marking." Her son showed the cop his hand and there was nothing there. See we have a law here that you may not leave any kind of markings on your child for more then an hour or such (something like that) So it is not abuse if you leave no markings (I mean physcical abuse) So since he had no markings the cop said there was no problem. My friend then asks the cop to give her the name of the person who turned her in and he said he couldn't but it was her right to know who did and she said she was going to find out and she'd do whatever it took. He said well um its the lady behind you. She thanks him and turns to the lady and flips out on her. She says, " How dare you! I was disciplining my child! He was throwing things in the cart all day and wouldn't listen after I warned him so I smacked his hand. I just smacked his hand. You have damaged my character because I'm not a child abuser I was simply disciplining my child! I have the right to sue you for destroying my character so you better leave now before I seriously consider it!" The lady looked as if she was going to cry and walked away as fast as possible. I hate people like that because they are the type of people that make discipline look like abuse. Sometimes you need to spank your child, but if you leave bruises or any type of markings on them then you know you have gone too far and need to stop and find a new way to discipline your child. |
I never thought that I was 'abused' until I started researching it, and telling people what went on when I got in trouble. When I was little,up until 5th or 6th grade, and I started crying, my mother would hold me down, and yell at me telling me to stop crying, or I'd get a spanking. Now, that only made me cry more, so I would struggle, and unable to get up or move, I could start getting a clogged nose from crying, and a few times it got to the point where I couldn't breathe, but she wouldn't let me up. That isn't abuse in my opinion, just...the wrong decision on her part? Around the same time period, if I talked back, or anything, she would tell me that she would take me to the 'mental hospital' for children who were 'aggressive' or 'defiant'. She was convinced that I had 'oppositional defiance disorder' (aka defying your parents and being a normal teenager). SO when we would get into fights, and I was crying, she would shove me into the car, and drive me to the 'mental hospital' and I had to beg and plead for her not to take me. She always told me that they would keep me for a minimum of 3 days, no matter what, and she always threatened to take me during Christmas, or close to my birthday, or something she knew I didn't want to miss. So around 5th or 6th grade, whenever I would do something wrong, my mother would send me outside for time-out. She wouldn't let me have any books, or let me do any homework while I was outside. Usually I was sent outside between 12am and 4 am, and she wouldn't let me in if I asked, and then she would forget about me, and leave me in shorts and a tank top outside for hours. When I was in middle/high school and I got a cellphone, she would take my cellphone away, because I started calling my father (who lives about 2 hours away) to tell him that she had locked me outside again. She said it was none of his business, so she started taking my shoes away, so I couldn't walk to the pay phone and call him either. A few times it was so bad that I had to call someone to pick me up and spend the night somewhere else. It was affecting my grades, because she wouldn't give me my homework (yes, I could have done it at a different time, so it's partially my fault) and I didn't get much sleep, since I am terrified of the dark (she turned the light off sometimes because she knows It scares me), I refused to sleep on the front porch, so I would be dead tired in class the next day. This happened at least three time a week. There were other things that happened, but I don't feel like explaining them all now. Looking back on everything that happened, I would call it more mental abuse than physical abuse, because it has affected me in a negative way. She also threatened to kick me out about 3 months before high school graduation, and wouldn't let me live with anyone else, even though she complained about how she didn't want to live with me. I'll write more later, heh, that was longer than I thought it would be. |
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