I think the hardest part of a parent-child relationship is that you have to remember that they are people to. They have their own distinct personalities and flaws just like everyone else. They have interests and likes and dislikes and friends and people they don't like and whatever. We tend to see our parents as OUR PARENTS. To us they are old, often old fashioned, and just plain weird.

Now I'm saying this as both a daughter AND a mother (to a child that is probably not much younger than you).

I can't say my mother and I ever really fight or fought when I was younger. She is very withdrawn and moody and our interests were (and in some cases still are) on opposite sides of the spectrum. I would rather have my eye pulled out than tell her about my boyfriends or what I did at school or who I talked to because I didn't feel like it was her business. When we did talk though we would talk for hours (and we still do).

MY daughter on the other hand... she has the same views. She doesn't tell me about her day or who she likes or what she did during the day. She is very private and I respect that. We do argue though and sometimes it turns in to a screaming match because what is important to her at that time is not so important to me and when she looks back on it she might actually see it wasn't that important then either. Then again, I am human and I make mistakes. I yell when I shouldn't. I don't listen when I should. I get tired and cranky. I want time for me without kids bothering me all the time. I imagine it is the same with your mom. Maybe she is struggling because she wants to be who she was and she has lost that person somewhere. Maybe her job stresses her out and she has no coping mechanism like friends or a hobby.

Maybe you do need space away from her. Some people have a great relationship with their mothers from a distance. Put them in the same room and they fight like crazy.

She must be doing something right though. You seem to be mature and sensible. You are literate and probably comfortable and have nice things. Of course you had to have put some effort in to it as well. If something were to happen to you she would probably be right there pacing around and worrying about you.

I think though that as you get older your relationship with her will get better. Then again, if it doesn't you do have the option of not speaking to her. It will crush her deep down but no one said we have to talk to our parents forever.

Jurupamae- What you said really rang true to me, and I am grateful that you took the time. I understand that she is a person, and that she has feelings, and her own personality, but what I cannot cope with is her inability to act as the more mature person, and back down.

She cannot, or is not willing to make personal sacrifice for my growth, or for sheer kindness. I realize that as my mother she sacrifices a lot for me, but she often announces that she is tired or bored when I am trying to talk to her or do something with her. She doesn't seem to want to engage in my life when I try to prompt that.

She is very blunt, and tells me the things that no girl wants to hear. She tells me that I am fat, and that I need to slim down, and stop eating as much. I only weigh 115 lbs, but she wants me down to 105 lbs. She tells me that my ideas are 'childish' or 'dull' if I am talking about writing. She tells me my clothes look bad.

She constantly degrades both my self esteem, and my sanity. I feel as though living there is slowly squishing the life out of me, and I don't know what to do. She is unwilling to go to counciling, or listen when I try and sit down and talk to her.

It's hard for us old ladies sometimes but then again I'm only 35 so I'm not ancient... at least not yet :wink:

I'm still young enough to go see AFI play live, old enough to know when a man is BSing you, young enough to still go out and party but old enough to pay for it for two days afterwards :lol: Then again I am not like a lot of parents because I have done LOTS of things I shouldn't have and will tell kids about it. I'm not one of those "I never did anything like that" parents who put on this holier than thou attitude. Hell yes I did it and I'd do it again if the kids weren't with me! I might do it differently since I'm grown but I'd still do it ;)

I remember telling this one kid about a bunch of us in Mexico carrying his father back across the border because he was too drunk to walk. His father wasn't thrilled because he never told his son about stuff like that but it was satisfying :twisted:

I'm no good at offering advice for dealing with parents but I can suggest maybe there is something that she likes that you might want to try talking to her about. My daughter still rolls her eyes at me and thinks I'm SO weird and wishes I would shut the hell up when I am talking about something she is not interested in or am lecturing her. We find common ground in talking crap about her grandpa or pointing out the ho's in the mall or the random freaky people who talk to themselves.

She might need counseling. I can't really say since I don't know but maybe there is common ground somewhere.

*hugs* dont let her get to you. we cant control who are parents are. but we can control who we will be. just remember how your mother was and be sure to be better than that when you have your children. (:

Re: Parents
 

my relationship with my parents has it's good moments, but they are few and far between... if i wasn't a bad procrastinator, iwould move out.... tomorrow... but i have a few things i would need to do first, find a place to live, GET A JOB and make sure that place to live is affordable...

I am really close to my mother - we've always had a good relationship. I mean, I went through the typical teenage angst, but luckily never too bad and it didn't last too long. But she's been the kind of person I've always been able to talk to and in fact, I talk to her a few times a week on the phone. She's more than just my mom, she's also my friend. And I can only hope I'll have the same relationship with my own daughter!

I love my mother. She drove me crazy while I was living with her, especially through high school, but now that she no longer has the stress and worry of being a single parent, she's calmed down quite a lot. True, she still worries (and she was absolutely convinced that I was going to get kidnapped and sold in the white slave market when I went to China to study, especially if I forgot to email her at least twice a week), but she's not quite so overbearing anymore. And she's said time and time again that she's glad she gave birth to a clan of geeks... we never really gave her the wide range of trouble that teenagers are famous for giving to their parents.

I think she likes me a lot more as a person, now that I'm grown up and somewhat equal. Plus, she's a lot like me, which helps.

Now, my dad... I love him too, but when I was little, I used to worship him a little. Disneyland dad complex, I think. Now, I see he's just a really big child... and a somewhat selfish one, at that. He'll do anything for his kids, as long as it requires a minimal effort on his part. So... he'll send both me and my sister to China, but he won't drive the twenty minutes down the mountain to come see us or actually pick up the phone to call us. He passes messages down through his wife, who works down here in town at the university... a truly lovely woman who I hope to hell never gets tired of his whims.

Hollie, remain resilient. Your mother is sadly like my best friend's. I really hate to say this but before you leave completely from the home, give her a true piece of your mine. Let it come to reality that you have given up on any type of relationship for not lack of trying, but her lack of interest. If she questions that, give her some instances. Don't let her stop you. Maybe a little space will snap her into reality that she's done more harm than good. :(

*Hug* I'm here to help you if you need anymore.

I don't live with my parents, but I have a great relationship with my Mom and talk with her on the phone about every two weeks.
She wasn't happy, and still isn't that I insisted on moving 1200 miles away from her to a different state, but I love my independence.
She came and visited me last July and we had a great time while she was here.

Lucky.
Mine are dead.

My relationship is pretty okay.We have our up and downs, but i know they are the ones who love me the most in this world. Yes, they drive me nut at times but they are still my greatest treasures in life. Maybe not really my dad, because he really drives me nut >.> but i know he cares about me more than i care about him.

i've got a pretty good relationship with my parents. we've had our bad times, but overall, they've always been supportive in what i am doing with my life.

i'm actually moving out this friday--8 hours away from them XD
it's going to be nice getting a break from them.

The only things I have in common with my mom is loves of shopping and tennis. And I still only like to go shopping once a month tops. But we still get along because I know she works hard to help me get on in life. Even if I don't like her methods, they're better than a lot of kids parents'.

I love my dad. He's goofy and geeky, but super nice. I can't depend on him to remember anything, but hey, what can you do? Besides, I'm too much like that to be able to complain about it.