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-   Poetry (https://www.menewsha.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=128)
-   -   My Sad Poem (https://www.menewsha.com/forum/showthread.php?t=63160)

Raijuta 07-09-2007 02:43 AM

My Sad Poem
 
Well i just wrote this... maybe you all can tell by it's words that im not doing so well. No matter...
Im not much or a poet but i want to share this... it's my emotion, so please enjoy.

"Broken"

Fragments of time pass in a day,
sparks of memories flash before they fade.
Time has lost it's grip on me in this river of dismay,
still dreaming in this bed i have made.

Grasping for a hold,
reaching out in need of a hand.
This place is so cold,
without you to help me stand.
Left without a soul to be sold,
my dreams fade like footprints in the sand.

Words spoken seem so empty and hallow,
with hopes for a better tomorrow.
I'm still drowning in the shallows,
drowning in my river of sorrows.

I'll fight to survive,
because without you i'm dead.
With your voice to keep me alive,
it's sweet sound still rings in my head.

New poem:

"Confused"

Clear cold water flows from sad eyes,
sorrowful heart sheds rose cold lies.
Twisting thoughts spiral confusion,
see whats not meant to see is my delusion.
The path not yet felt feet of the damned,
to move on the inevitable, or to stand?
Haunting memories of sunshined rays,
lost soul wonders a world without days.
This desert rains crimson drops,
foul blossoms death blooming crops.
Reaping all what was sowed,
from this world overflowed.
Bleeding pools of sadden cries,
drowning heart soon to die.
Burning sun of blacken spears,
piercing pain filled eyes of tears.
Seeing light is but a dream,
faded hopes lost in this confused blood filled stream.

Lemon_Junky 07-10-2007 03:18 AM

I love it
it's so deep and well writen i love the words you use
i think they have a strong impact
thats my opinion anywayz =]

Apado 07-10-2007 10:13 AM

Pē likes is very much 8D

She applauds you for using the right words for your poem~

Raijuta 07-10-2007 08:51 PM

Thank you
 
Thank you very much for you positive comments. I really never gave any of it much thought and just wrote what i felt.

Gabriel Nocturne 07-11-2007 08:27 PM

Oh wow...those are really deep. I think I like "Confused" better though. Something about it just seems to pull at me more than the other. I like how you were able to use rhyme schemes with them too. I've never been able to pull those off at all. I do pretty good as long as nothing inentionally rhymes.

You are truely amazing.

Raijuta 07-11-2007 08:44 PM

Thank you
 
Thank you very much for your kind words. I to like Confused more.... because it mirrors my emotions.

Gabriel Nocturne 07-11-2007 08:46 PM

You're welcome. And thank you for helping me find this forum area. Perhaps I should post some of my own works in here eventually.

Raijuta 07-11-2007 08:47 PM

Yes
 
Yes you should, and please let me know when you do ^^ i would love to read your work ^^

Gabriel Nocturne 07-11-2007 08:48 PM

Yes. Of course I will. :)

Raijuta 07-11-2007 08:50 PM

-_-
 
well my Lilim was on, then she just brushed me off and left ; ; maybe she will be back... she might of got busy

Gabriel Nocturne 07-11-2007 08:52 PM

yeah, I saw a post that said she was only on for a little because someone needed the comp. I'm sure she'll be on again soon.

Raijuta 07-11-2007 08:54 PM

yar
 
Yah, i think i might be off soon so i dont know if i will see her on here. im just gonna give her my gold as i always do ^^ then watch some TV

Gabriel Nocturne 07-11-2007 08:56 PM

XD

Yep. Have fun then!

Cyndel 07-11-2007 09:46 PM


Those are nice. You showed me the first one already.

...*shakes head* You are a depressed little cookie.

psyrien 07-12-2007 06:07 AM

Aw, *hugs*. I'm sorry you're feeling depressed. ...but one thing that can be said for your depression is that it inspires beautiful poems. I bow to your ability to follow a rhyme scheme, which you pulled off magnificently.

Raijuta 07-12-2007 07:34 AM

Thank you
 
Thank you Psyrien, your comment is felt. I'd much rather not be depressed, though if my words help people then so be it. So thank you again for your support.


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