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Neverwhere (Rhyme-repetition peom, would like crit.)
For people who might have seen this on other forums, somehow: yep, I post it everywhere.
It's my masterpiece. Let's see what you guys think... for all I've posted this I've never gotten any actual critique on it. In return, I'll critique your poetry if you give me a link. x3 Neverday It was a neverday An everyday Today - tomorrow - yesterday Day in, day out Around, about - What matters is what matters not And some forget Those who forgot They who forget can never lie But cities - every city lies It lies of truth! It lies of lies! And yet upon those lies it lies So self-imposed against the skies. But I do lie! I lie of truth! I lie of lies! And yet upon those lies I lie, Still self-imposed against my skies! But in that city I did stand And in that sky above my head Suspended flocks of stars had sped Upon a chain, a dangling sun Had spun and spun, around, about, All inconclusively in doubt - And there I stood! And here I stand! I am, I am, I am. |
No one replied to that one, so have another one. xP
Back when I believed in god. I think I was six. Quite a long time ago, - not as long as a snake Or as old as the snow. I think I was six And a week was too long - not when summer was short, and a child always wrong. I think I was six, And I said - make it end! - And the week didn't last, It just got up and went. I think I was six, And I knew a blue horse, - it was made out of wood, But it could've been worse. I think I was six, And I said with a nod, - Don't tell them, my mount, But I think there's a god! I think I was six, And the horse said, I see! - But it didn't have eyes, And it forgot about me. I think I was six, But I'm not any more. - and the rocking-horse lies all alone on the floor. I think I was six, And the horse's far away, - but does it believe there's a god, to this day? |
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