Menewsha Avatar Community - what do u think of my story so far?

A very quickly revised version:

Beautiful Nightmare was walking along the balcony, when she heard Twisted Illusions calling her.
"Oh Beautiful Nightmare," and again, "Beautiful Nightmare!" He yelled with a deep voice. "Hello beautiful Nightmare," said Twisted Illusions. "How is my wonderful girlfriend doing on a fine evening?"
"Oh Twisted Illusions, I'm good. How about yourself?"
"I'm fine, thank you for asking." He paused, "By the way, I am going to go to a party and I was curious to know if you would like to accompany me?"
"Oh, wouldn't I love to come to a party with you? Of course I'll come."
"It would be a delight to have company like you," he replied.
"Thank you," she smiled, "and may I ask when is this party?"
"It's at a quarter till seven tonight, so I'll let you go and get ready. Be quick."
"I will, and thank you for inviting me, its quite an honor," she courtesied and led him inside her spacious home.
"We should get going soon," the handsome man responded, "It will take us almost an hour to get there, so we need to speed up the pace. I apologize for such a spur of the moment invitation."
"Don't worry about it." She started murmuring to herself, "Oh my what shall I wear tonight? Perhaps my casual black silk dress.." The young maiden's voice trailed off in thought. "I think that shall be fine, don't you agree?" She turned to him, an expression of needing approval on her delicate and pale face.
"Yes, I think you should wear that, it would be quite lovely."
"Splendid. May I ask for your approval again Twisted Illusions?" The man nodded and smiled, then she continued, "I think I shall wear my black gloves and my black high heels."
"I think that would go quite nicely with that stunning dress of yours."
Beautiful Nightmare went into her dressing room to get changed. She slipped into the dark silk dress, the fabric hugging her curves. She pinned up her luscious hair, as black as the night sky, and then slid into her black pumps. Nightmare lifted the silk gloves out of a drawer in her dressing room, and quickly but carefully slid them halfway up her forearms.
"Well, I'm ready now. We should start making our way to the party."
"Sounds good." He held out his arm, and she put hers over his, and they made for the banquet.

Overall, the story is very bland. There's no real setting (just a balcony), the characters are poorly put together (including the names), your grammar and punctuation was pretty poor, and as you progressed the story became harder to follow. For example, you switched from Twisted Illusions to Disturbed Angel with no explanation as to who was who.
My biggest thing was not using quotation marks "--". This drives me insane, because when not used, the conversations become hard to follow, thus, disrupting the flow of your story. But, in some stories, the authors choose not to use them. I'm reading a pretty decent book called Plainsong for a summer assignment, and the author doesn't use quotation marks. Instead, he incorporates the conversations into the paragraphs with the use of capitalization alongside "he said"s and "she said"s.
An example from the story:

Quote:

Guthrie laughed. That sounds like him, he said.
Don't it? Harold said.
It didn't take him long, Raymond said. I imagine he was about finished anyway.

Even though there aren't quotation marks, its still easy to follow. Sometimes you have to reread it, but even so, its much easier to read that than

Quote:

Yes I do think so very well wont you say yes I say very well then. Well I think I shall be on my way to the party.

See the differences? Try saying what you write out loud if you aren't sure, and only take breaths when there are periods or commas. That'll help you figure out where to put them.

Now, when I said there's no real setting, I meant that you only told us there was a balcony. You didn't say what time of day it was, whether it was a balcony on a castle or an apartment, how high up it was, whether the balcony was gracious or if it was only small enough for one person, etc.
Now, keep in mind, the revised version of your story above doesn't really do that either, but I was mainly trying to fix your grammar and punctuation. If I was your full-time beta or editor I'd incorporate different settings with vivid descriptions and splashes of color and better traits for your characters.

Overall on a scale of 1-5, I'd probably give it a 1.5 or a 2. (I'm never mean enough to give 1's and 0's).