Menewsha Avatar Community - Um...pick one?

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So I have this friend. Let's say her name is Lauren.
And she's recently told me what she's been doing. Lauren started this relationship with a guy, because she "wasn't getting any". Problem was that she told him she loved him and he loved her back, even though Lauren doesn't love him. Lauren loves this girl she's been friends with for years. Recently, the guy has fallen hard for her and she's just leading him on. And he's not making love to her. So she's always upset lately. And then yells at me about it. .__. But just today, Lauren told me that she's actually starting to fall for this guy and yet she still has deep feelings for her friend.
Everything's just so confusing and I hate being in the midst of it all. I'm in the middle of all these lies and she's turning to me for advice [everyone always does] but I don't know what to tell her! I've never been in any similar situation. I've tried telling Lauren to end it with the guy because it'll hurt him since he deeply cares for her and she doesn't feel the same way. Besides that, she's got herself in more crap than she can handle with the guy and things are just not possibly going to work out, I know. As for the friend she loves, Lauren's told her feelings to the girl before, shyly but the friend didn't feel the same way and they decided to keep the friendship going. So for a while, Lauren was down in the dumps and stopped loving anyone, as her friendship with the girl seemed to drift. Until last month they started talking again and Lauren's love for this girl grew again. But I don't know if she's destined to get hurt again. I would recommend Lauren to share her feelings with the girl but I don't want her to get hurt again. The girl had somewhat lead her on before, telling her she loved her [it was more friendly than anything though], kissing, hugging, holding hands and whatnot. And Lauren had already got out of a bad relationship with a guy who wouldn't stop cheating on her the year before. So I don't exactly want her depression to continue any more, she's finally started to be happy again in the last month! Besides, then Lauren will turn to her boyfriend. And I don't like him much. I really think he's a bad influence. He's been ignoring her lately and they haven't had much to talk about so the conversation seems strained. She's told me that she doesn't want to end up hurting the guy because of his background, but I don't see any other way unless she abandons her feelings for the girl and actually has genuine feelings for the guy. :/

Sorry for the long post/rant.
But I wondered if anyone would be able to shed some light on the situation so I can advise her in the right way to go about this problem. Just thinking about it stresses ME out. ><;

It sounds to me like you're giving the best advice to her you can. Telling her to leave this guy because she doesn't truly love him is really the only thing you can suggest.

I mean in the end it is her choice and quite frankly a lot of what you say to her may not even affect what she decends to do. I'm not saying your help is pointless, but there isn't much else you can do but repeating what you are already saying.

I also had a friend, ironically called lauren, who was with a guy she knew she truly didn't love, but she really loved her best friend. For months and months and months i was constantly telling her to do the right thing and she knew she had to .. but she never did.

She's still with him to this day but i think now she does truly love him.

All i can suggest to you is keep telling her her options. Ie, if she stays with the guy her feelings may just be false and she will be liking someone else, thus causing more pain for the guy if he ever found out.

Or that if she left him, she will have a clear conscience and may possibly be able to sort out her problems you mentioned.

I hope i've helped in some way. >.<

I would suggest that this girl, Lauren, should tell this guy that she thinks they should put their relationship on hold for a while. And Lauren should go out and explore the feelings she has with this other person.

If she stays with this guy only because she doesn't want to hurt him, then she's going to regret so much in the future, which can wind up hurting her more in the longrun than breaking up with this guy will. She'll always think "I wonder what it would have been like if I was with so-and-so.." and she'll never be happy with this guy.

If she ends the relationship with this guy, then she has to make sure to be clear that they may not get back together again. If it were me, I'd say something like "I have feelings for you, but I think I may have feelings for someone else, too. If I have a relationship with this person, and it turns out I didn't like them as much as I thought, then it will only strengthen any future relationship we have together in the future. If I don't explore these feelings, they'll always be on my mind, and I'm not sure if I could be as happy in this relationship as I could be. There's a chance we could get back together.. but there's also a chance we wont. I don't want you to get your hopes up, only to have them hurt you if we don't get back together." or something along those lines. I don't know the exact situation (What they're both like, what they're relationship history is, etc.), so I can't be sure if that would help.

Also, if she thinks she wants to end the relationship, even if it's temporarily, she shouldn't wait. The sooner she does it, the sooner they'll both be able to get past it. And the longer she waits, the more she'll lead the guy on.

Anyway, that's my two cents. I hope that helped.

@Spring`Tyme Fresh: I don't think true love exists. And if we should never be in relationships with people we don't truely love, then the majority of us wouldn't be in relationships. I understand what you mean, though. I'm just saying that not everyone will be able to find the perfect relationship; sometimes people just have to find someone they can be with and stick with it.

Thanks you guys. It's nice to have an objective point of view. I'll get around to telling her when she comes online. ^^
Hopefully she can work it out, but she knows she's got me to help her just in case. I can only reiderate my feelings of what I think is right to her, but she'll only continue to follow her heart. And I guess in the end, that's the right thing for her.

Man that sounds really complicated, sure sex is great but I think true love is better. I mean love should stand the test of time, I think she should just be honest with her feelings and tell the guy what is really happening in her mind. It can be hard of course coz he will probably end up feeling hurt and used but at least then she can be honest in the future and work things out in a clearer way.