She carried a strange fan that she had found on this world; its edges were very sharp and it had a streamy scarf dragging behind it.

It was a strange fashion accessory, but a lethal one, so she wouldn't deny it. She was pleased that she finally had something that the girl's friends wouldn't recognize and fear.

They'd be in for a surprise when they came for her. She smiled, tapping it--closed now--against her leg. HER leg, not Jexica's. This was her body now, and the girl wouldn't be getting it back.

The elevator shook and stopped. She blinked, surprised. She tried to prod it, but realized that her power was failing.

This....

No...

She sensed the girl's friends above. They hadn't been fooled. They were waiting for her.

Storyline: Gaia Story

Influence: Current Mene Avi. (It's got Vicktoria's fan.)

It was what was in his eyes every time that she heard him scorn Jexi. It was what was in his voice, what she feared to hear if she ever revealed her true self.

She knew that, eventually, she'd have to at least show up--in one way or another--which was just another reason for practicing astral projection. She'd never managed it before, so no one expected her to really have it down now....

Just like you, only sweeter..... Better... She couldn't stand that idea. She knew why he was feeling this way, but she couldn't stand the idea of him saying it--the horrible lie that it was--she didn't want to have to deal with it. She knew what Traves had done; that was enough for her.

He was ready to be done--a many-year, decade, century relationship at end because of one bastard's shenanigans. She couldn't stand that, either. She knew that he'd understand, eventually....

Hoped.

Storyline: Gaia Story

Influence: Thanks for the Memories-Fall Out Boy

She was there that night as a dancer, joining and mixing with the crowd. She'd evaded Michael and Traves--it hadn't taken much--and was with them, within the music. She'd always loved it, always wanted it, needed it--her drug, her life, her music. None of the old things were important; no one dreamed of harassing her, no one dreamed of looking at her strangely. She was one with the music.

They were all with the music, with the movement, with the swinging and the swaying and the life. It gave them life--they gave it life--

She could feel them looking for her, but they were still far away. They'd never understand the joys of the music, the thrill of making and becoming, of it molding with you and knowing that you had created beauty. The staying with it, swaying with it, knowing that you were responsible for it--it was held to you--it was yours. No one else's.

She loved it. She loved the feeling that she got from making it, from dancing to it, from becoming it. And they could never understand that.


He felt her, felt her moving farther and farther away. They were all slaves to the beat, slaves to the music. "Please.... Don't stop...." They panted and they were obsessed; she didn't get that this would kill her.

Storyline: Gaia Story

Influence: Don't Stop The Music-Rihanna

This was why he walked, why he mourned, why he was what he was at this moment... They forgave him, some of them, and he knew that he didn't deserve that much.

He needed her to forgive him--hated her for that--and knew that she never would; hated her for that, too. Without her forgiveness, it was all just empty words. Any contrived romance aside, she was the one he'd hurt the most. She was the one who had the least reason to ever forgive him. She was the one who never would.

He'd never pour his heart out to her; could never trust her that much because he knew she'd never trust him. But he was sorry. Oh, how he was sorry--sorry for everything.

Most of all, sorry that he'd been so very bad. Sorry that he'd been so susceptible to the horrors that he'd caused, to the things that he'd always secretly wondered if Bhen brought on himself. Sorry for hurting her, for hurting them all, sorry for the year that was gone.

He was sorry to them all--couldn't explain it, couldn't fault their anger and hatred, couldn't make it better. But he wished that he could.

Sorry doesn't make it go away. She was hard and unforgiving--and he DESERVED that, he knew that she would probably never change, he didn't want her to. But he wished... He wished....

He was sorry. He knew it would never be enough. He knew they'd clash again. He knew he'd regret this, all of it. He was sure that they wouldn't be able to separate the two. He didn't look forward to it.

Storyline: HSC

Influence: Sorry-Buckcherry (lame name)

Jexica looked at some of the photos that they were picking up from the planet--the idea was to blend in, not to stick out so obviously that no one would talk to them for years. She took a look at the chests--she took another look at the chests. "Bugger," she sighed.

"It's easy enough," she muttered, "for you lot. All that you have to do is look rather muscly. I've got to get an entire new wardrobe."

"Sorry?"

There were compliments and suggestions and polite offers. There were envious looks and side glances and worlds of excitement. But it was damned uncomfortable.

She went back into the room that night with Michael. She unzipped the dress in the back and unhooked the front.

Enough fabric for a few shirts, a few small paperback books, a few flasks filled with something or another, three or four feather boas, and two underskirts. Plus some extra padding.

Michael's eyes widened as she removed it all. "Ah."

Storyline: Gaia Story

Influence: How NOT to Draw Manga (A "informational" parody that I browsed earlier today. XD This is, of course, a reference to the HUGE chests that many anime characters have. It's a world where they women have breasts that are that big, via specialized breeding or surgery. Jexica has to make a few adjustments to her dresses... ;))

Alone and writing--it reminds me of sugar cookies and the seas. It makes me remember the days when I was a part of something, the days when we were all inseparable.

The days when we were innocent and trusted, the days before you kicked me out. Thony, I'll never forgive you for that. Can't feel them anymore... Zane's so far gone...

There were so many ways to say goodbye, and I never got to do them. Never got to tell you, never got to explain. Driving away, driving away to a new beginning--oh how I hope--we'll get older, get farther apart, I feared this and can't think of it.

You're gone, and I'm gone. There were so many ways to do it, so many ways to fulfill those damned prophecies.... And it had to go that way; for that I'm in exile? Is it really worth it?

Was it?

I'm still waiting--will still be waiting for so long--I'm alone and writing, an old-style pen and notebook, alone and drinking and eating. It's so calm and peaceful; I'd love it if I'd chosen it for myself. We couldn't win...

Yes, we could've won.... But it's impossible now.... I'm gone.

Storyline: HSC

Influence: Back to California-Sugarcult

So many scarves.... A dance of a thousand faces.... Places...

"Oh, baby..."

It was the same, world over. WORLDS over. You had to change it every once in a while--just to fit in with the looks and lingoes of the culture--but the essence of it was the same. Minimal clothing. Seductive gestures. Moaning. Honestly, didn't ANYONE ever want anything more?

Still. It WAS entertaining--seduction was indeed an art; she'd always known that. "Perfection." That was fine with her; if people wanted to whisper sweet nothings to her....

As long as she could get to the Emperor. She had to make her position clear.

A hint of foreignity was always useful, too. She smiled. The old bastard looked interested enough; she could almost tell from just this association what kind of a man he was.

Doing what Chantha requested was definitely a pleasure. The threats? Sure. This old man.... Not old, she knew. Probably younger than her. But still--a lecherous asshole. And a pretender to the throne; an enemy to the deserving (true) king.

Storyline: Gaia Story

Influence: Hips Don't Lie-Shakira

Twisting... Writhing... They thought they wanted him; oh, but they didn't. They would scream under his power--if there was enough of them left. They would twitch and tear... They turned such pretty colors.

Yes; these people were perfect for him, ripe for his picking. They wanted him... They wanted him in the exact way that he wanted them. They were HIS; that was their ultimate desire.

Oh, there might be a few challenges here and there--he could already feel potential resistance pockets. But that was what made it so exciting. Finally conquering them was what gave it the spice, the tang, the.... Flavor. That was what he craved most of all.

He would have the best of the best for a while.... Those under his spell and those who struggled. But they were not, would never be, powerful enough to harm him.

Pathetic humans; they'd crawl in the end. In the meantime, he'd enjoy their willingness.

Storyline: Gaia Story

Influence: Lollipop/Halloween-Aqua

Sitting on the beach.... It's a place inside her head, but does that make it less real? She killed you. She saw you die; do you have any idea how real it was to her? This place inside her head is safe. You're alive for her. She didn't want anything more. It was so easy...

It was almost easier than you, Thony--Thom--Bhen. All of you. You all carry your hearts on your sleeves, hoping that your magic will protect you. But your paranoia, your constant desire to not be too forceful.. Take more than you deserve.... You took less, nearly nothing, and now you're without--everything. You sacrificed your magic and it all came to me. You sacrificed your witch because you couldn't handle seeing your failure in her face everyday. And she left. You let her. Your insecurities won this for me.

There's no way to get her out, Zeale! There's no way for you to reach her! She doesn't want to be reached, doesn't want to be saved. I gave her what none of you could--she's happy. She's safe; at least, she thinks she is. That was my gift to her. You'll fail! You could kill her, you could die! It's your funeral, then...


Sitting on the beach, the words hitting from far away, like a bad dream. Wrapped in Zeale's arms, because it's not a warm beach. Wrapped in him, wrapped the way that she always wanted to be again. The innocence--being loved--she was fine with it, she had been craving it, and they finally let her have it. If the world was ending, he would stay with her. If she was going to hell, he'd go with her. No more random hatred, no more misunderstandings... Just the happiness, the--deserved, SO very deserved--trust...

Storyline: HSC

Influence: Do You Know What I'm Seeing?-Panic at the Disco

So.... Misunderstood. It's not even worth the effort anymore--wasted effort, wasted breath, wasted ideas and thoughts and time--I'm everything I never knew, everything they're afraid of, everything I didn't understand. Don't know it, I'm not it, but I can't keep worrying about that.

Wish I could leave it all behind; I'm the saint they all want to see, yet it's like anorexia and they all hate me. Don't understand; don't want to--can't know, 'm never going to--now I'm stuck in this hotel room. Stuck in here, stuck living in the way I never dreamed I would. Stuck in here, stuck living the way I never could've before... Today... I can blame them all, but I should've seen it coming. I can blame them all, but I really should've been running... If only I'd known; I know I didn't want to know--didn't want to know, and I didn't want to believe it; didn't want to go....

But now I'm here, and I may as well make the best of these crazy changes. Enough spells laid about this hotel room that I don't think any of them could force their way in, not even combined. Enough traps set around for me to know when they're creeping about.

I hope.

Storyline: HSC

Influence: That Green Gentleman (Things Have Changed)-Panic at the Disco

Hidden in, at my lowest point--and you found me.

Sunken down to my deepest depths and so near to my death--still you found me.

Don't know how you knew it was what I needed; didn't expect to see it in you--you found me, I know you did.

Promise not to leave me, promise not to hide away and run.

Promise not to leave me, promise not to turn against you.

When we met.... Fusion of the skies, fusion of black and white, and it's all so crazy and together; all so lovely and dark.

When we met, I knew that you were like no other... I knew that we could make it forever...

Promise to stay with me, promise to love me, and I'll swear that's all I want.

Promise me? Promise me?

Storyline: Gaia Story-Jexi to Michael. I know that it borders on poetry; sorry about that.

Influence: When the Day Met the Night-Panic at the Disco

Not so much these days.... It's what we had, what you could've once expected. It's what you were maybe once entitled to. It's what you maybe deserved a long time ago. But given your mistakes... Too many, too many. No, Maria, I'm sorry. You don't get any more.

No... I swear, I love you so much... I still love you; I'd never hurt you without a reason. I'm telling you, I had a motivation... Please...

All those lies you spewed... You have nothing left to say... I loved you. I loved you until I knew what you were really like. The kind of person who'd...

No, no, I didn't do that to Michael. I didn't. He was--it wasn't me, I'm telling you, we were betrayed, too--

I'm not going to buy that. I loved you so much; now you're burned. Too bad for you. The answer is no, Maria. I remember all of the lies--

"Everything that you think you know is wrong."

I heard you the first time; I'm not going to believe that anymore. You betrayed us? Wait and see what I'll do....

No, I love you. I still do. This--please, no; you've got to believe me.

Storyline: Mah fanfic!

Influence: Until Yesterday-JC Chasez

"I know he'll come back."

Do you--do you really? He says he's changed, says he's happy, says he's ready to be with me, says he's ready to be saved, ready to be healthy...

No. He goes through this once in a while. He wants to go somewhere else. He wants to be with, in, around, all above someone else. But he always comes back. We're meant to be; we've always been and will always be.

Love's not a game; I don't pray that way and I won't play that way; I run from you and avoid and stay away... You're full of tainted love; I abhor you and despise you and can't....

No? You can't? You want to get away? Fine. Watch me. I don't need you, don't want you, am fine....

No, not that; not that, anything but that. Please don't do that, don't be with him like that, don't--don't--don't--

Touch me, baby. Come back to me, then. Come and stay, come and play, come and be with me. You know you want to. You know you want me. I want you back. I want...

You want....

What?

Storyline: HSC Musical

Influence: Tainted Love-Marilyn Manson (originally Soft Cell, but I was listening to the Marilyn Manson version. -nodnod-

You know I've wanted you and just you for a long time now.... I've wanted to be alone with you--oh so long. I can show you beautiful things, take you to dazzling sights. You'll think he was second-best at last. You'll love it, my girl. What do you say? Come with me. Let's mix with them all. I can do it better; we can do them one better and we can laugh and laugh and laugh. We can do that, I know. Come on, come on. You want me, too.

I don't.... (Look away. See them gentle, see them touch, see them giggle. See the innocence. See the sickening sweetness. See... See... Them.) I do. I want you. (And I know they see me, too. And she's trying to distract him, and he tries to go along... And you're not that bad of a guy; you're a decent enough one. And we've all been together enough.... Nothing new, nothing old...) Let's find a place, a decent place; let's go down the hall and let it all begin. I'm under your spell, baby.

I know the place. Come with me. Let me take you on a ride.... (I know she's doing it for them, and I don't really care. Part of this is for them, too.)

Influence: Puttin' On the Ritz-Taco (again a remake).

Storyline: HSC Musical.

Would she ever be able to return to her true self? Probably not. She was aware of that. She hoped, but at this rate there might be nothing left. As the days and weeks wore on, Traves' powers grew more accomplished. It was possible that he would discover how he had achieved his deception and be able to reinforce it.

She was also attempting to draw him out more; attempting to get him to commit an indiscretion in front of Michael. That would do it, after all. She was hoping.... Oh, how she was hoping....

And she was also trying to keep their relationship down. Any time that Traves felt attracted to her in his presence--he'd notice, if only a little. That could be enough.

But, no. Michael was trusting. Damn, damn, damn.

And whenever Traves found it convenient, he wanted to taunt Jexica. Of course he did. Then, being the off-balanced bitch that she supposedly was, she'd go crazy and he could cower behind Michael. Bastard.

She hated him.

That would never change.

And eventually.... Eventually he would pay; he would restore Michael's mind and return to where he belonged.

The dust.

But in the meantime, she was stuck in this charade--stuck in this fake world of candy and strobing and, although able to play with his emotions, still stuck in a part that she did not enjoy.

Influence: Thx fr th Mmrs-Fall Out Boy

Storyline: Gaia Story

He came in. Loud--the door hit the wall, bounced a few times. I could see what was in his hand--seen it more than enough times. Self-righteous prick; trying to get me to fear him with a gun? Like I'd come crying back to him with that.... How many girls had he run off to find "happiness and contentment" with before this last one? I go off with someone else during one of these brief spans and he goes crazy. Figures.

Ranting about what we deserve... Well, I'll grant you that maybe being in his bed with this one was maybe going a bit far. Maybe. But he doesn't get it; he hurts me and I hurt him back. Nothing horrible beyond that. Maybe a bit twisted, bit angering, but nothing horrible.

He shakes the gun around, and that's when I realize that he isn't just him; he has a ton of shit in him. Don't know everything--can't smell it all, hear it all, sense it all--but there's more than him here. So maybe he's not just trying to scare us. Maybe he's....

Damn....

Influence: Wake Up Call-Maroon 5

Storyline: HSC Musical

The death that I had was peaceful. Yours was anything but... How can I help but to feel bad for you? I know what you've gone through better than anyone else here; I relived it all with you. I felt it all with you. I saw your shock and your horror at who you could turn into--and I wish that I could've known you for longer. Your death came fiercely, but at least you were granted the one that you love to stay at your side. I was not given that much. I was killed over and over again as a sacrifice. I am bound by you--you hold us closer to the prophecies, and it's difficult to see your death as anything but a necessary evil. You were the one who was always on my side, more than the rest--you were the objective one. I wanted to protect you, even when I'd seen what a bastard you were. I wanted to help you, especially when I saw that they wouldn't recognize your changes. I could feel you. I am sorry.

You've gone to be with her now... But you're still with us in everything. You're still with us, even as you leave us alone. I don't know if you'll ever truly be unbound from us. It's impossible for me to say for certain; the prophecies aren't as clear as I would like. Nothing is. I saw your nightmares. You saved me three times--me, no one else. Thank you. We owe you for everything.... I'm so sorry.

Influence: My Immortal-Evanescence

Storyline: HSC (re:Lili's musings @ his death)

I don't think that we would've worked out anyway. It's taken a long time to realize this, but it's true. I don't think that us as a core group would have necessarily worked out so very well, and I don't think that us as a couple would have been great. But we end up as good friends, and that pleases me. There's still a thread of loyalty--perhaps that is a core group and I'm wrong--and it's all that's there for us, but it's still something and it's something more than the rest of us have. It makes me happy in a warm way. We end up giving each other only what is deserved; there's nothing false there. We understand. We are us; we are also individual; we trust each other and it's beautiful.

Yes; you give me your best and so I'll reciprocate that for you. It's what you deserve. And even when we're abandoned by the rest of the world, I'll stand by you. And I think that she will too....

Influence: My Best-Vanessa Carlton

Storyline: HSC

You don't seem to understand it. I have been searching; all my life. Ever since I discovered the truth, ever since I discovered what I could and could not do... There is significantly less of the one than the other. I am more than you seem to expect and more than you seem to believe that I'm capable of. You should know that there's more than you believe in; you should know that there's more than you can see. You should be aware of the truth--you, of all people.... And you tell me what I am; you seem to believe that you understand my limitations. You are truly so wrong... I know what you feel, I know how you play; I know what you are attempting to do here. And you won't believe that, you won't believe what I can do, won't believe what I'm doing, are too hollow to accept me. I wish that you would... I know it all, I can do it all, I have the power of a god, and you still sit there and call me a powerless fool. You wish that you were more than me; I realize that you are scared of my power and scorn you for it.

Influence: Wanted-Vanessa Carlton

Storyline: HSC

It's a nightmare. I know that. They've turned on us again, but this time it's the world and we're left here, all alone. You grasp my hand and give me one last miracle--

What else could I do?

--and in this moment, thinking more of the dead than the living, I wonder how Thom is, and if there is any reality worse than this one. He would know, I'm sure. I wish we could escape permanently. Watching you cough up blood every morning is a horrible enough punishment, Lili; you're dying, and I know it. And I'm your last hope--your only hope--and I can't do anything. I'm hating my helplessness again. It seems like I'm fated to hold you as we waste away into some other place (and hopefully it's superior to this one).

Not like people change. You stay here, stay alive. I'll go. I have to. I may die. The world eats itself and me. The world hates--the world wants me back inside of itself. The world wants me gone and crumbling, and I'm inclined to give it its one wish. It seems that I'm all that's left--

you're not

--but I know that there's still something to fight for. Something to fight for, as Thom fought in the last minutes, as you know. Even though everything seems dead, seems hopeless. If nothing else, I'd like to watch them scream--

sadist

--as they're devoured by their fear.

Story: HSC AHS
Song: The Beginning is the End is the Beginning-Smashing Pumpkins

It seems so wrong that anything be bright at all. The reds, the yellows, the greens--the vibrant colors--I want them dulled, gone, turned to blacks and greys. After what happened, that anyone should think of love and happiness, I want it all to darken.

Thony tells me that my subconscious magic--that I'm not controlling--is frightening; it turns things black, it makes people look away. It worries my friends. Unfortunately, I can't bring myself to care. I don't want to look at anything else; his grave is filled and until the dirt is unturned to resurrect, I will not let anything beautiful exist near me. I couldn't see it coming--

My fault--

And the dreams, the realistic dreams in shades of poison and crack, those color me more and more firmly into what I decided upon the moment I saw his eyes widen--

Those eyes weren't black in life, but in death, they turned into coal--

I wanted to take out the sun--

Until they're returned, their vibrant shade of green, of blue, of color, everything else must be as black.

Storyline: HSC (Post-Zeale's Death)
Song: Paint it Black-originally by the Rolling Stones, but I was listening to Vanessa Carlton's version.

I look up at you; you’re nothing like him; it’s easy to come out long enough to be harsh and biting, in the hopes that you’ll leave. For the past months, I’ve stayed in my own mind—it’s very simplistic, very calm, very staid. And I could just let your words blow over me, or do my own thing, blow those bastards to hell. But I won’t. I’m willing to go for it. I’m willing to do this that you propose—deal on the real world’s levels, deal with this problem and make sure that it never returns. He left me (because I made him think he should; I wouldn’t influence him further), and I may be ready to begin living again. You’ve at least interested me, and that’s more than I thought might happen again. You’re… Maybe… Maybe I’ll trust you. Maybe. Maybe I’ll go with you. Maybe. And possibly after this we could be friends. Possibly. I’m not making any guarantees. I’m not going to make any statements. But I might be ready to take a chance on you—sometime in the future, sometime later, maybe.
Ready to take a chance again-Barry Manilow
HSCAHS-Lili at hidden!Zeale

Ha. So hidden for months, almost a year--it's time to come out, time to tell everyone the truth. They'll find out soon enough, but it's urgent that the right people in all of their places know the right things. Right person; right her. Yes. I've missed her so, hated myself, hated that bitch more....

If I know my girl, she's got plans. Hopefully this won't bugger them up too much. I trust her. And if she doesn't feel the same anymore.... Well, that's her right, especially with everything that's been happening. She's brilliant; her fire's internal. I know that they've seen it--they wouldn't be following her if they haven't, and they ARE following her. It's obvious in the way she moves, the way that they react, the way that everything happens AROUND her.

Influence: This Fire-Franz Ferdinand

Storyline: Witness

It's dark. She's there, under the light--the only light, the spotlight--I want to hold her, I want to talk to her.... She condemns me. I understand why. I condemn myself. She moves, and I try to catch up to her--but I can't move from my chair. Without me; she's alone and without me, and curses me, and I cannot blame her. She slides and is graceful--pure--I love her, and I remember the times together. Dancing. I am holding her again, and she's warm--in my arms--perfectly positioned; I remember how her body feels against mine. She has beautiful skin and we move together slowly. She makes me high with her presence--

She walks away. She slowly begins to walk into the distance, her hand still reaching for mine. I cannot move. She turns to face me once more--sleeping--with me--dead--

I remember.

Influence: C'est La Vie
Storyline: HSC

I remember Thony's words; more than that, I remember the sensation when it grew. And none of them will tell me, none of them will help me--nothing more than slow theories, no practice, and I can somehow.... There's fear. I know that there's fear. And that just angers me more; they fear me and so they try to tie me down.

I am in control. Yes. If you'll help me, I'll go there with you.

And I know; I know that I have more power than anyone else in the world. It's intoxicating and so sudden; I know why he's afraid. I can understand that. But they can't be--it's so pointless, so crippling; they must let it go. I slowly embrace my power; I now control it and do not let it control me. I am unafraid. They come to understand me--and I come to understand them. They still fear, because I go to the places they can't even dream of. They cannot stop me; better that they not try.

Influence: Unbreakable-Fireflight
Storyline: HSC