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`Haru 10-08-2007 07:20 PM

1000 Words
 
1000 Words

I stood there. Speechless. Just watching him hurt you. I was wanting to help... But couldn't.
__________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ _________

"Akira! Akira! Wake up! Say something. Please!?"
I fell to my knees holding him and whispering in his ear the same words. Over and Over again.
"I love you, Don't go. Please, Please don't go" I gently stroked his hair while holding his head on my lap. Tears streaming down my Face. I looked up and over towards a tall man in a dark coat watching us. "What the hell did you do?! Tell me?! Tell me now!" I said as I stood up slightly clenching my fists. "Oh him? He desevered it. But. That wasn't enough, What he did to me... was much worse. The man said in a deep voice. I could tell... He was crying. But for what exactly?
I looked back down at Akira and smiled sadly, tears still falling like rain.
I looked up. And the man was gone. Akira's Black Shirt torn around the sleeves and blood dripping down his arms. I reached for his hand. It was cold and pale... "What... Could he have done?" I couldn't help but wonder.

------2 days later------
My name is Kumiko Watanabe, or Kimi for short. I'm more of a cheerful girl then anything... But, Two days ago that changed.
My Boyfriend got into a fight with some thug in a dark coat... I thought... It was my fault... But the last words the man said were; "What he did to me... was much worse."
Ever since. I haven't come out of my room. I just sat on my bed, Looking at pictures of "us" When we were happy "together".

"Only 3 days of Summer vacation are left. I was supposed to hang out with Tara and Hiro... But for some reason, I don't feel like it." She spoke softly to herself.
Kimi got off her bed and walked over to the pink phone in the corner of her room. Dialed a number and place it upon her ear. Fiddling the cord with her finger.

"Hello?" Said the voice on the other line. "Hi... Dad?" I said as tears yet again started to fall... "Dad... I loved him... I really did. Loved who? Her father replied.
Akira... He was..." I couldn't finish, Something was holding me back. I tried again and again... But the words wouldn't come out. There were so many things... I wanted to tell him. After a long pause without any noise. I hung up.
My parents had divorced that same year. And when they did, I felt as if I've been cut-off from reality or in a dream. But then Akira came into my life, He was smiling like always... A small smile entered my emotionless state as I noticed a picture laying on the floor. I leaned over to pick it up. I wiped my tears away.
It was the picture when we had first me. We seemed so happy back then.

Kimi turned toward the clock it read 12:07am. I yawned as I walked back over towards my bed, I flicked of the light and lightly layed down, then covering myself up I started to hum. Before I knew it, I was asleep.

X-----Unfinished-----X

I hope I was allowed posting something that long...
Anyway, can people help me with this? I kinda entered in a contest and I need BIG help... I suck at English. xD

NiceOnRice 10-08-2007 08:32 PM

i think its good so far, too much dialoug though, you could use abit more desciption and what not.
^-^

also, I was someone selling fishnet stockings for about 250g ( you can haggel) just a moment ago, whould you like me to send you a link to their sale?

NiceOnRice 10-08-2007 08:34 PM

( the girl is very kind, I'm sure if you asked her, she would hold the stockings for you untill you had enough ^-^)

`Haru 10-08-2007 08:40 PM

Sure thing, thank you very much ^^

`Haru 10-08-2007 08:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NiceOnRice
i think its good so far, too much dialoug though, you could use abit more desciption and what not.
^-^

also, I was someone selling fishnet stockings for about 250g ( you can haggel) just a moment ago, whould you like me to send you a link to their sale?

Heheh, I suck at almost everything except Dialogue xD.

NiceOnRice 10-08-2007 08:42 PM

http://www.menewsha.com/viewtopic.ph...873&highlight=

that is the forum, she is offline right now, but thats what
Pm's are for, right!?
:wink:

NiceOnRice 10-08-2007 08:44 PM

really? I'm terribal at diolauge, but superb at describtion ( of places and people and what not.)
i have a hard time sticking to a plan though, so my stories often jump around, and I end up haveing to go back and fill in all the places whre things don't make any sence, or I have left something out XD
crazy, crazy me XP

`Haru 10-08-2007 08:44 PM

Yup-yup! heheh, Douzu Arigato Gozaimasu!

NiceOnRice 10-08-2007 08:45 PM

no problem?^o)

`Haru 10-08-2007 08:45 PM

lol, description has ALWAYS been my weak-point when it comes to writing, especially describing where something is. ^^;;

`Haru 10-08-2007 08:48 PM

(Thank You very much in Japanese)

NiceOnRice 10-08-2007 08:48 PM

haha, I suppose, if evenyone was good at everythihng, there wouldnt be much variation, now would there?we always have time to improve though ^-^

btw,
Is there like, a " famous quotes topic"?
cause if there isnt, I totaly want to make one.
I used have have this calander, that had all these quotes on it, from famous authers, hystorians to movie lines, and I really liked it.
I thik that would be a neat topic ^-^


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