Story Idea in need of critiqique.
 

Hello there this is my little concept thread. it's about a story I have in the planning but it needs a lot of help to get fleshes out properly. I'm not very good at critiquing my own work so I'll be looking to you guys for some help

Rules
1. Don't steal my idea please ^-^
2. Be helpful but not cruel ( ie. You character is a mary sue becuase they cannot be beaten and have no flaws , you should do this and this to change her etc etc as opposed to. I hate your characters they suck.
3. try not to massively quotes things when referring to them. just quote the bits you need to emphasize.

Directory
1. Welcome and rules
2. World info and plot
3. Magic
4. Characters
5. reserved

This is sort of a magical person/battling companion type story.

Setting: An alternate world that somewhat resembled medieval times in it's ruling and set ups. Housing is somewhat modernish though and the is running water etc. However rather than electricity everything runs on one form of magic or another.

The main setting is the blank castle the formal home of the blank guard. A group of fusers ( see below) with the ability to fuse their summoned object to another. Each fuser is partnered with a familiar which they fuse things with in battle. A select few of them have the ability to summon objects with which to fuse to their familiar.

plot: 4 Fusers are entering their first year of the academy at the castle. They are partnered with familiars and begin learning about battle( armies tactics etc). They practice their skills, lean new techniques and developed friendships.

Eventually war breaks out and they are sent into real battle where they are tested in all they have learned and where their bonds are pushed to the fullest.

stuff:
1.main char 2 is not a proper person but a failed project. In the country to the east a small faction of radicals desired better fighters and felt that if they could create dual type males with both the fusing and summoning ability they would have a better chance at over throwing their government m2 was a prototype of them but proved unstable and was discarded.

The project has continued and has in it's time produced a few acceptable male secrecy. Their appearance and info about them will be given in due time.

2. Familiars are sort of like pure magic held in a physical form, they can be anything but are usually animalistic.



3 Fusing is complicated basically it mixes the given object to the familiar. An unskilled person could fuse metal to a cat familiar and get a familiar with a metal tail. A skill user controls the fusing process and could create armour or just metal claws etc depending on how much effort and metal they had to fuse with.

Normal magic:

Fusing/familiar work:
A familiar is partnered and bonded to their fuser but it is not for life. fusers can change familiars, trade them and replace them if they die. Particularly talented fusers can work with more than one familiar at once.

After a battle a fuser must undo the fusing within a certain amount of time of they risk their familar being permanently bonded to the object they were fused with. On occasion a fuser will chose not to undo a fusing if that find that a certain combination is always a good addition to their familiar.

Fusions will stack on top of each other but must be practical. you can only add a logical extra fusion. fusions can also be switched at will during battle Unless a fusion is a permanent addition.

Summoning:

main characters

* I need to add a lot to their profiles i know. this is just the bare bones
M1: female, fuser and summoner.http://public.tektek.org/img/av/m08/d15/6/acb175.png

M2: Male, fuser and the only male summoner in existance. his summoning skills are erratic and often do equal amounts good and harm. he comes to the academy with his familiar. sometimes using his summoning skills makes him ill afterwards.http://public.tektek.org/img/av/m08/d15/7/d7ad97.png

m3: female: fuser http://public.tektek.org/img/av/m08/d15/7/ba2a50.png

m4 : male: fuser.nobility and child of guard members. he arrives at the academy with familiar in tow
http://public.tektek.org/img/av/m08/d15/7/25673.png

Extra
related to the avi's i have of everyone in their profiles

the overcoats( or whatever the fuck their called i need to look it up again) signify that a person at the castle is part of the guard in training.

Black is for Dual females. White is for females with just fusing ability .Grey is for Males and the purple stands for transexuals and now dual males ( despite there only being one of those)

The part about fusing reminds me of Animorph. It's an old series, so I'm not sure if anyone has heard about it before.

I think the idea is fine. A little more fleshing out and it will be perfect, particularly the setting and the physics of the magic.

In the fantasy (sci-fi too) genre , it's best to be more fastidious about world-building. You may not need the details in the actual prose, but having a good understanding of the story's world inside your head will make a story more convincing. Try drawing the map of the city/town/whatever on a paper - it works for me.

A lot of fantasies involve magic, but the theory on it differs from one story to the other. I like the idea of having magic replace electricity in this particular world. I'm interested to find out how it works though, as well as all the summoning and fusing. Check out stories which are similar to yours for some inspiration, if you want.

Are the overcoats in the real story as they are on the avatars? Just a thought: The purple coat would be quite a salient difference that would set the main character apart from the others. If this the case, you'll need to consider the kind of impact this would have on the story.

Main character is displaying quite a bit of "Mary-Sue" characteristics (mainly his heritage), but I think, with a captivating personality, the readers may overlook this.

That's all for now. I look forward to the next update of this thread. : D

I love the animorph books ^-^ They were a good series. They weren't any inspiration for this though.

I agree I've got more world builsindg to do. I need to figure out exactly how standard magic ( the kind that provides electricity, heat etc) works. I cannot draw to save my life but i can probably get a friend to sketch oout a basic world map and the castle grounds.

The overcoats are real and yes M2 is going to suffer becuase of what he is. He's going to hate his coat and it's connotation eventually. it will take a long while for him to have faith in himself.

Which main male is sue like?
2 is a special oddity but has the worst control of his skills and isn;t exactly leader material. he's got good points and faults.

4 is a bit of a spoilt snot and i haven't revealed much else about him yet.

I was referring to M2. :]

In retrospect, M4 sounds more of a Mary-Sue. In both cases, I believe it's because their actual personality and flaws haven't been revealed to the readers yet.

Good luck on all the future development! : D

Be careful here: you should have a good idea how your magical technology affects the economy because that affects politics, which is going to change how the world is governed. If housing is modern, is that technology going to lead to higher levels of trade? That would lead to a stronger merchant class, which would make a medieval set-up less likely. You don't need to jot down every last detail--just keep in mind that often, those with the money have a good amount of political clout, so be aware who's making the big bucks.

Other than that, the idea sounds pretty interesting. Good luck writing!

You've got a good start here. Thing about hte world outside the castle as well. How advanced is the culture. Afterall, the romans had something like running water. Your M2 is the most balanced character so far. someone with greatpower needs to have a great disability to balance them out.

Example: I have a group of three for one story, one can teleport anywhere, one is a strong telepath and telekinetic, and the other is a powerful empath. However, the first has to obey every order given her, the second cannot speak and is constantly bombarded by renegade thoughts, and the thrid cannot lie.

See, how they balance out in a way? With great power comes great responsibility. And great faults. Jsut remember that when you finish your character development.

"How advance is the culture?" jolted an inspiration inside my head. My take on it (the question) is as such:

How advance is the culture, sociologically? Is society primitive, whereby communication is limited to the hunting ground (think cavemen times)? What are the languages like, supposing there's one? Is the country politically stable? If so, is it democratic, or autocratic?

I can think of a hundred and one questions, but I think you get my idea. In world building, society plays a large role as well.

Depending on the story's focus on the world outside of the character, different levels of world building is required. In some stories, the focus remains in a particular area (for example, the workplace). Less focus is required on the hierarchy of the government, but more on the defacto one inside the office.

Hope this helps!

Wow you guys have given me a lot to mull over and sort out. Some of it I knew needed doing but i hadn't written it yet but other things i hadn't really thought of. Expect some fleshing out of things over the next few weeks.

*Debates making this her nanowrimo project*

:3

Glad that we've helped. I'm looking forward to the next update! :D I think it'll do well as a nanowrimo project, if you have a good plot for the story.