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What do you think of my project? :3
Okay for my project I had to write about my life as a Jew in a concentration camp. It is supposed to be a journal but I'm kind of confused about it. Because It's format is a journal, but I sometimes drift off and write it like a book and then end up deleting it all and starting a new in 1st person.
What do you guys think? January 28th 1944 January 17, 1944 The day of my peril. All was well until the Nazi's came. I remember it so clearly although it was nearly 2 weeks ago. All my friends and family members were gathering at mine and my neighbor's houses for my brothers' wedding day.I was out collecting fire wood for the upcomming wedding day. I found a lot more wood than needed and not to far from the neighbor hood. So I was happy that I didn't have to do much work to get my job done. But when I returned everyone was missing. I thought they were celebrating the wedding. So I check a few houses and I can't seem to find anyone. Then all of a sudden while I'm walking more inwards to the town. I see the German soldiers deporting everyone. I couldn't understand it, they didn't do any of the things that they were supposed to do. Like establish the ghetto's and move German officers in. January 29th 1944 The days are torturous and seemed to last an eternity. But I have finally lost all thought of the past. All the horrible sights I've seen in this camp. No human being should ever have to see these sights. I can no longer remember the near past, what I could normally remember was now bits and scraps in my mind. I can never flush out the sounds and sights of death from this camp. Auschwitz, Work camp. This is the concentration camp I had been sent to. I had a terrible job. Of all the jobs I could've done instead inside this infernal camp! I have to.. put the dead bodies of the gased Jews in the furnace. The first few days it was so disgusting, the smell alone could've made anyone throw up with in a 20 yard radius. It was horrible. I'm just glad I didn't have to put live humans in the furnace. I think that alone could split my mind from the small fringes that were still sane. That's only my first 2 entries, I have a long way to go, I need 24 entries lol |
Its not human enough. If it were me I would be writing 'I wanna go home! I want my mommy' every three seconds XDD
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Sorry but it's not believable, I think you need to write about the character's emotions, that way it would come more naturally and with more sincerity. Use fear for example, you know what it feels like, that way you can use it to make your paper sound more realistic.
I also don't think a Jewish person in a concentration camp would say "I have to burn the Jews". And go into further detail, elaborate, and most of all, enjoy it. |
Alright thanks for the help :D Back to the drawing board for me lol :D Good thing I have 2 weeks to work on this lol ^.^
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Don't worry about it sounding "literary". Most journals don't sound like that. Just try imagining for a few minutes the kind of day that a person would have gone through in the concentration camps. What has the biggest impact? Start with that, and just freewrite from there in your own voice until you've covered what you think would have been noteworthy. There will probably be (not necessarily in one day, but throughout the period) concerns about family members, rumors being passed by the prisoners, the horror of seeing someone die in front of you and handling the dead bodies to be burned, arguments among prisoners about whether to attempt escape and risk being shot or bide their time and hope for rescue, and grumbling about the poor living conditions. Plenty of material for a journal.
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