Chi, do you have by any chance a bleeding hearts belt? I've been looking for one for a while now.

And, holy crap, only 190 days to go! So close! =3

Feeling much better today Chi. Yesterday I don't know what my issue was, seriously, but I felt like a wreck.

I need a few cups of coffee in me though to wake up. Still feeling a bit groggy.

Crap.

...and stuff.

*pokes kin* You having a bad day today now? I'm sorry if I spread the shitty-day virus.

No, I know exactly what my problem is. :)

What's that?

Btw there was two incidents of chka chka last night and I tell you what that really seemed to help whatever the hell my problem was. Lots of cuddling too. I missed him. I've gotten so damn use to him here all the time with furloughs, or at least being around people and this whole weekend has been rather lonely. :<

I managed to get a little chka chka myself, actually.

I'm just pissy about some exchange stuff going on.

exchange stuff? *wonders what is going on now*

Personally, I think a lot of things are well over priced...it sucks since once an item goes for x price, everyone expects they'll be able to get it for x price and it's like no maybe that person is mad.

@htownwera14
I don't have one that I'm actively selling since it's so new. If I did sell it, I'd ask a lot more for it than I should. (Like a March set or 2.5-3k, which is ridiculous. You can find it cheaper in the market. You should be able to get one between 1 and 1.2k. :yes:)

@Strawberry
It's not me you backed out from. >>;

@Hime
I have a V-Day 2008 set, but not a belt. :3

@Haru
I do indeed. Do you have some March sets for offer? :yes: (I know they're not out yet.)

@Izumi
Two rounds? Yeah, maybe the two were correlated. I think we all (at least the three of us) get a little cranky when it's too long. :XD

Yah. Aaron gets REALLY cranky if you starve him long enough. I mean really cranky. There's been times where I've really not felt up to it and he'll get all whiny and unbearable. :P Really not a good way to convince me, and I've flat out told him that kind of behavior isn't gonna get you anywhere. :P

Whining turns me off too. The only time I don't want to comply is if we go to bed when I'm exhausted. Which unfortunately for the past month has been often, but I'm getting better. Less sickness, less fatigue. You know, save for whatever has been going on this weekend.

Aaron says that pregnant women usually have higher libidos...I think if anything it'd put me off. I dunno. You find any difference?

The reason I find it hard to believe is any hormonal birth control KILLS my libido. Eventually, after taking it for a long period of time, I just kind of lose it. I'm more likely to initiate stuff too when I'm not on anything hormonal too...so he had to weigh the lesser of two evils: next to none or condoms. Trust me, he struggled.

They only have (well, tend to) higher libidos after the first trimester. My drive has been DEAD. It's impossible to think about it when I'm gagging half the time. They say by the end of Week 13 or so you pick back up and have fun.

During my teen years while on birth control I had no drive, either. I think after we're done having children one of us will get "fixed". I can already tell you he won't want to go back to condoms. >_>

I think that's a typical guy thing...they sit and bitch and moan about them. I turn around and say hey would you rather take something that makes you gain weight and make you loose any interest?

Aaron has been throwing the idea around for some time, but hasn't asked the doctor yet as he doesn't want to have it done and end up a huge war between us over it when I decide I can't live without having a kid. I told him until he WANTS one too I want nothing to do with it. It isn't for the sake of me, you know? My biological side is starting to kick in and when I see other families with their kids it makes me slightly jealous...

I said to Aaron in the car last night I really hope I didn't pick the wrong field to get into. And he said if anything hopefully I'll get to play with all the kids my heart desires and then I'll be more than willing to go home and be happy there isn't any waiting for me so I can have a peaceful evening. I said well as long as I can have all my flashy toys, that might not be a bad idea. :P

It is about you too, though. If you feel this might leave a big hole in you for life, that's a big deal. A huge deal. But on the flip side of things, I also can't envision me being okay with having a kid if Cole wanted nothing to do with it.

I keep wondering if Aaron would once you were actually pregnant, but I don't know him. You do, and you can gauge it far better. :hug:

It is worth seeing how you feel in this type of work. If you work in an atmosphere where kids scream and throw fits all day, you may very well be glad it's just you two at home.

I still say you have tons and tons of time to figure it out. Don't tell yourself it's over yet.

That's what I keep on telling myself, to take my time and hopefully when and if it happens I'll be able to enjoy it to the fullest. I really want to make that hypothetical child know how much I love it and how much I want it to be a stable individual. I said to Aaron though given our genes we'd be giving the kid it'll either want to kill me or kill itself. (Suicide runs rampart through his family, where as my side there seems to be the whole mother/daughter relationship strain..)

Speaking of which, I spoke to my brother on the phone last night, without either of my parents there, and he said to me you know I do think mom was extra hard on you. He's like you always bite when evoked, but at the same time she always gave you a much harder time than me. He also went on to say even though he loves mom dearly he really doesn't understand what dad sees in her as she has some less than quality traits in her. We got into a very deep discussion. I told him how much it would mean to me if my dad would of just ONCE turned around when mom was on one of her tirades and said "Diane, you're being too hard on her." in front of me. Just to show support and the fact that he realizes it too. I told him once why doesn't he stand up for me and he says that he will never side against his wife - I will leave the nest at 18, but his wife is meant to last until the day he dies kind of bullshit. I'm sorry, but there are times where Aaron has said to me "Come on Tara, I think you're being a little too hard on the kids and I'm going to step in and overturn the ruling." right in front of them, but at the same time he more often than not agrees with my standpoint, and shows a lot of respect in front of the kids to me. Both of those kids do respect me, and do know that irregardless of me not being able to punish them physically that crossing my line will come with consequences. I try my hardest to be Authoritarian in my decisions, always given a 'why' if asked..."because I said so" is not a valid reason.

"Because I said so.." is definitely not a valid reason.

I wouldn't worry too much. I think you keep yourself in check enough that you'll be too WORRIED about isolating your child because you were. It will allow you to break the mold, as it were. Depression is indeed genetic, but, environment plays a factor too sometimes. As of now there's no conclusive evidence that suicide is genetic, but there are common markers in between families. I just wonder if it's a case of observation alone. No one knows.

In short, we just don't know. I could have a growing baby inside of me that will be allergic to every food on the planet and depressed to boot. My mother and sister have had depression, and I know my high school years weren't all that enjoyable.

But we can go on the mentality of trying to protect a child for as long as possible and then something else completely unexpected comes up. It's enough to make anyone nuts. :XD Just gotta go with the flow and let the chips fall where they fall I think.

That's the beauty of life, isn't it.

I really hope that science won't start manufacture designer babies, or what I was talking with the neighbor (who is a registered CNA) being able to make a loved one's body robotic. Talk about morally corrupt.

The reason I bring up the robotic body is because she had a particular nursing home patient who had spelled it out legally to pull the plug if she was beyond repair. Her family wanted otherwise, and argued that every fluttering of her eyelids meant she was still 'there' and fought legally with her still living husband to keep her alive. When the husband finally won the case, they pulled her off the life support machines and did an autopsy to reveal her brain was just mush and the only thing keeping her alive was the machines.

Think, if they could do that, inside the brain, as well as make the person's personality robotic...how freakishly fucked up that would be? We have machines that can run basic life functions, but if one day they were shrunk down to fit inside a person, with the ability to transplant personality into them...it'd be a walking corpse.

I think once the soul is gone from a person, the body is just a shell and the rest should be let go, too. The only way I would disagree with this is if for whatever reason the person wanted to be kept alive, even artificially.

If someone has their wishes that they want to be let go, then by the hell they should be let go. Death isn't easy, but holding on too tightly is selfish and smothering to boot.

I'll be back in a few. I am having the worst craving, ever, and it involves a trip to the store. Whine!! It won't take me long.

You know speaking to CNA though that see this happen on a reoccurring basis I think the biggest problem is the fact that the said person will be dead and no longer pose a threat, but their family could potentially file a lawsuit stating that some wrong was committed. I think it's a sad sad situation though. A lot of these families haven't the slightest problem throwing their loved ones in a home, but when it comes to them passing away they will fight tooth and nail to keep them going. I think if anything they should check themselves in for some counseling. Seems a little backwards logic.

OK see you soon! I'm going to be around a little bit longer (couple hours max I think) to max out my accounts, then I need to get the dishes done and that dreaded fridge cleaned of Aaron's science experiments. Once that beautiful project is done I need to revise that bloody 2nd essay I really hate. I need it done by Tuesday so I can get the instructors input. I really want to get a decent grade on it, but I'm seriously struggling.

I'm back. Cole decided to tag along. xD We now have cereal.

Sorry Chi, I'm back! Hopefully I didn't miss you. I got a call from one of Aaron's ex-employees and shot the breeze with him. We call him 'steve-o'. He's a bit hotheaded and full of himself at times, but we voiced a lot of frustration about kids, the economy and he wanted to pass word about some headhunter guy. I gave Aaron an email to tell him about it and apparently the guy deals with the alternative energy business - right up Aaron's alley. I'm hoping that if nothing else he'll feel better about his work situation if he gets those feelers out and looks for other positions which might actually be more money and better morale. The company he's been with has been financially pretty bleak for many months now and there's been rumors afloat that they might never get back up on their feet.

Awww poor Aaron too sent me an email saying he's still not feeling well and the morale is shot in shop. The lack of machines running has people spooked, not to mention the news has been reporting their losses...makes it sound like they might be doing more job cuts...exactly NOT what people need around here. Alternative energy is suppose to be the way forward. :(

I hope some answer comes soon, and that his job remains safe. What a stressful situation. Meh.

Yah life kinda blows like that, Chi. Got to try and keep ourselves positive...I mean we've gotten this far, despite everything that's happened to lead up to it.

The thing that really has me worried about moving is the effect it will have on the relationship with his kids. Now their mom can start telling them stories about how dad doesn't care about them, then moved off to another state to get away from them.

I think at that point we should tell them we're moving and offer both of them the ability to move with us. Maybe Pam will be able to drive her mother up the wall begging her to let her move and we'll at least get to keep one kid between us. I think in the case of multiple kids in a broken down marriage that it would be fair to split them between them instead of trying to take them from one parent and sticking them with a huge bill. I don't think that's fair.

Gah Aaron's cat is trying to move the screen over the bathtub. I hear here pushing on it. I walk up to the bathroom and she hears me and stops. She loves sitting in the tub, drinking from the faucet. Freakin weirdo.