I don't understand why he doesn't want anymore kids. Anyway i can ramble on about this forever, but i don't want to say bad things about your husband as i have no idea the connection between you two. I guess it's just i feel quite strongly about it, i just feel that you shouldn't have settled, especially if it's something you may want in the future. It's really sad to hear is all.

Well Roachi it was something he was very sure on, and he had the operation about a year ago with my consent. He knew I wasn't happy about it totally, but at the same time I told him I strongly believe having kids is something that each partner must want...One of my parent's friends told me that when I asked her why she never had any kids with her husband.

To be honest it wasn't fun when we would have pregnancy scares. We'd both get really worried as we knew it was going to turn our world upside down. For the better, but at the same time we knew we weren't ready for it. I'm still not ready for it, and there's so much stuff that needs to be fixed first before I would willing want to.

I guess if it becomes a strong enough urge we can look into adoption. Otherwise I guess it's something I won't get to experience. It's a bit late now, and I guess it's just as much my fault as I should of put my foot down. I could of said to him I wasn't comfortable and he would of backed down. At the same time he was fairly hell bent about having it done.

When you first brought it up I was very careful in my word choice because it wasn't my life/my decision. It's just... "settling" most often leads to unhappiness. But, you say you guys might adopt in the future. I agree that it's best to be fully prepared. Either way I hope things work out in the long run. Just remember you are worth your wants.

Yah I know it's sensitive ground...

I don't think I could bring myself to split from Aaron though. I know I bitch a lot but he does take good care of me, and I love him to death. I love my stepkids too. I just wish we could cut the ex wife out of the picture. I think I would be happiest with just us 4. *sighs*

What you just said there goes both ways. That both partners must want it or Not want it. But it's more like you've gone his way rather then the way you feel deep down. The way you talk suggests you have just settled, and you've given in to what he wanted more then what you wanted. To be honest in some cases, when your younger you don't really think too much about having kids. It's not till you get older and see your friends having kids, and then realizing you don't have much time left before your not going to be able to have them, does the actual realization set in. And it tears relationships apart. I've seen it happen before. Either that or people remain in relationships and become miserable because their needs and wants are not being met.

I know you love your husband to death. And to be honest if my partner couldn't have kids i probably would settle for not having kids. But this is a choice your partner has actually made for you. It was either that, or you lost him it sounded like. So he pretty much gave you an ultimatum. Which i just think is rather sad. Because like Chi said your wants matter too. And i just have a feeling from how you talk that it's something you would really want in the future, and your sad that it may not be for you.

But yeah anyway i will shut my mouth now lol.

Nah it's cool Roachi. I know I probably should of put more of a fight up, but like I kept on telling him the only way I would want my own kids is if I could be a stay at home mom. I want to make sure I was able to give them all the love and attention they would need, yet I still would want them to financially be well taken care of...and well the situation we're in it would never happen. It would require major sacrifices and well since my husband has said from very early on he never wanted kids to begin with (yet he loves his two kids to death). In fact I remember when we first got together we had a major pregnancy scare where one of the condoms broke and he was seriously freaking out. (He wanted me to sit in a bath of water and wash it away...I told him get real. I know that was his irrational fear speaking at that point.) I told my mom point blank that I think it has a lot to do with the miserable experience he had with his ex wife that scares him shitless. The only power she holds over him now is his kids, and it's almost like a prison sentence feeling counting down the years until she's no longer able to really mess with both of us. (Trust me she's tried...She's tried to tell me crap to make me split up with him -- everything to his dad was a druggie, wife beater and alcoholic (true), that he had tried to commit suicide (true), that he himself was a wife beater (false, 3 years and NEVER once has he laid a hand even near me. Not even play fighting/wrestling.), and then tried to tell me something that I had to get clarification on. Apparently he was sexually adventurous in his teen years and well I rather not get into that one, but it was true too...

Anyways he's about ready to wake up and he'd probably would be pissed if he read that last part...

Ahh i see, well it's your life hun. As long as your happy. I hope he changes his mind one day though, for you. :)
Ahh i hate ex's. Some people can never accept that their partners have moved on, they make their lives and anyone new that comes into it a misery. I've dealt with crap like that before, it sucks. :(
So how old are the kids anyways?

They're nine and eleven...soon to be twelve in august. They're growing up so fast!

Man I really need to get some sleep. Tired as hell but I've been really struggling with sleep lately.

Like Roachi said, it's your life, and so long as you're happy that's all that matters. I'll shut up too. XD

At least you get along with them. I know with some kids, their mother or father will poison their mind and they end up hating the step parent.

Ohhhh Roachi....Dear, Dear, Roachi....She has tried numerous times to defile me, and you know it's just kinda has a reverse effect on them. She tried to tell them that they didn't have to listen to me, heaven knows what other tripe. Oh she's told me that I'm lazy and I didn't watch the kids properly, yet somehow I was a slave driver. Meh.

It's nice though cause Aaron has ALWAYS enforced that while they are at our house that my voice carries just as much weight as his, and they have been told off for even saying anything remotely inappropriate. I remember that one time when we first got together when Tristan blurted out something about me being fat like Cinnamon (the cat we had) and he got immediately yelled at and sent to his room. He never once again said anything at all mean to me since.

Pam...she's only gotten lippy with me, recently at that. And I think that's more of a pre-teen thing and well I'm finding that a BOATLOAD of fun. Ohhh just you wait, Chi! Terra will be hitting her teens eventually and you will be absolutely loving it. /sarcasm :XP

Actually, the whole "teens are horrible" thing is a social construct. It can be avoided. I'm curious if we can avoid it with Terra. I know exactly when and why I turned "emo" on my mother and the world as a teen. :)

It's a hard situation to be in, Krissy, and I'm sure they didn't consciously realize what they were doing. My step daughter will sit and badmouth her mom and I make sure to tell her that saying negative things about her mom does NOT make me feel better, and that I know its her mom and she's entitled to love her too...(even if I can't stand the woman.)

And Chi, I'm all ears....tell me more?

What, my angst? I was soul-sucking painfully in love with a broken heart and I was either mocked, disregarded, or ignored all together on the home front. I was raising my sister's kid and my needs were never addressed, period.

I remember being 100% comfortable talking to my mom about ANYTHING from birth until just before high school. Anything. Then the talking just stopped. When you're literally left emotionally isolated to "figure the world out", what you're left with is often misguided. Once I got my head out of my ass, life got good again.

I clearly remember shutting down and holing myself up in my room days on end. I moved enough to shower and eat once a day for a period of three months or so. Ditched school completely. She didn't put her foot down and make me go, either. I didn't want to go anyway (:XD) but still.

Now that I can look at his beautiful ball of joy, I can also see the mind frame of her never growing up, if that makes sense. That somehow, she'll always be a baby and never have to worry about peer pressure, fitting in, beauty image, sex, sexuality, relationships. I'm going to try my best to keep my eyes wide open and realize her concerns are absolutely valid and she needs input. She needs a safe haven, regardless of her taking it.

And there will be times she won't take it. She'll reject us. That's fine. She just needs to know we're here if she truly needs us.

I know it can be possible to do. I look up to one of my peers, as her 13 or 14 year old son felt safe enough to break down and cry about losing his virginity to his girlfriend of 8 months. It was a sweet story in the end, even though at the time my friend was internally freaking out. Key word: internally.

@Krissy - I *think* part of it is wanting to make me feel better, as I'm sure that her mom probably feels good hearing the negative stuff about me and thinks this is what I need to hear. I try to encourage her to talk about her family, her life and what's going on in her world and try to help find something positive about it all despite how chaotic life can get. She's *so* incredibly sensitive to fighting, and even if her dad and I get into a debate (with nothing at all physical and no yelling) she will try to step in and break us up. In fact she tried to do it when my dad and my husband were having a good political rant as it was making her upset. My mom luckily got her attention and took her up to the store to get her out of the house.

@Chi - God you sound almost like a carbon copy of me in some respects. OK I know I told you that my parents haven't been supportive, but up until age 11 I had a pretty awesome life and was a happy kid. I hit my preteens and my parents stopped being there for me emotionally. They weren't being active in my life, and I basically spent the majority of my pre-teen and teen existence holed up in my room, in my bed either sleeping or playing videogames or glued to the computer. I spent the majority of it feeling depressed, isolated, unloved...insert any negative adjective in this space.

I think I finally have pulled my head out of my ass...but it's taken me to get a bit older and gain a different perspective. I just hope we don't make Pam or Tristan feel that way. Pam I worry about as she has been showing signs of being withdrawn and almost mildly depressed.

@Krissy
I agree. It's hard to distinguish debate versus fight. Some adults can't do it properly, so I can't imagine how difficult it would be for a child to figure out the differences. :(

@Izumi
I got my head out of my ass... hrm... 19 maybe? Somewhere around there. And then when I started college the experiences there expanded my viewpoints greatly. I reflect upon things often, so I'm hoping I don't lose touch in another 10 years when it's most relevant for Terra.

Wow I did some college...and I don't think I got my head out of my ass until fairly recent....when I moved out with Aaron. I guess it's up for debate. :lol:

Growth is individualistic. ;)

*kicks up* :3

Still on a hunt!

Somehow, I think the Jelly Head will be out of grasp. :P

Still looking!~