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-   -   She Becomes a Dot. (https://www.menewsha.com/forum/showthread.php?t=77184)

.~.Secret.love.~. 11-08-2007 03:37 AM

She Becomes a Dot.
 
I see her across the street
She waves as if to say Hello
But does she really mean goodbye?
I watch her as she hastly wonders over to me.
Her cool soft skin brushes aginst my own blazing hot flesh,
As she pulls me into a tight, but tender embrace
Her soft lips brush aginst my own
I can smell her soft sweet lillac perfume
Her peircing blue eyes look into my own dead brown eyes
I watch her soft lips twist into a wicked smirk
Fear courses though my veins
Her cool soft skin peals away
Revealing her true form
Blazing red flames dance on her flesh
I watch in horror as she becomes nothing more than a dot
Soon I start to wonder if she was ever really there
Or if she was just an illusion
But on thing remains
I can still smell her lillac perfume

Princess of your Heart 11-08-2007 03:46 AM

Oh How lovely!!! <3 did you write it?

.~.Secret.love.~. 11-08-2007 04:44 AM

Yeah I wrote it like a year or two ago.
It was part of my assignment.
But I really liked it.

ForkoFried 11-09-2007 03:51 AM

really good and symbolic!
i like it! even though i normally don't like un-rhymed poems, this i really like!

.~.Secret.love.~. 11-09-2007 05:43 PM

Thank you!
I'm super happy. I think I'll post a few more poems or something.

ForkoFried 11-09-2007 10:43 PM

cool! that would be great!
and maybe could you critique my poem? <3
you don't have to though, lawl!
it's still on the first page.

iViolent 12-07-2007 11:24 PM


I think it would be more interesting if she disappeared completely, not just a dot.
A dot means you can still see her, a small dot.
Shes still there.

I loved the part,
"She waves as if to say hello,
But does she really mean goodbye?"

Nice job.

oHsoDemandinG 12-22-2007 11:38 PM

I agree with iViolent. That part really caught my attention. Your work is good. Please post some more.


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