Menewsha Avatar Community - Critique Please

Alright, so I'm entering a writing contest soon and I really need some opinions. I don't think I'm a good writer or anything, but I would like to have a shot at this. But I don't want to apply if what I thought of is really the most idiotic idea ever. So would some please tell me there thoughts on this?

Quote:

“Come on! Come on!” the petite, faerie like, brunette jump up and down excitedly as she motioned with her hands towards the doorway. The three other teenagers with her rolled there eyes at one another as they put on their clothes. First sweatshirt, then gloves, then scarf, then jacket, then remove sneakers, then put on boots. Then they were ready.
“Calm down, Vivi!” the other girl of the quartet said as she slammed a hat atop of her blond locks. But the brunette with the mischievous attitude and a pixie-style haircut would not be dissuaded from her excitement.
“But I want to play in the snow,” the animated teen said as she rocked up and down on the heels of her boots. “Brian, will you build a snowman with me?” she asked as she looked at the taller of the two boys, who was looking at her with a bemused look in his dark eyes. “If I must,” he said finally, a tone of mock yielding. He then turned to the other male, a smaller brunette with similar angular features as the girl who was currently jumping up and down. “Save me!”
The other male laughed at Brian’s words and sent him a pitying look, “I warned you not to ask her out.”
“Let’s go! Let’s go!!!” Vivi said, ignoring her boyfriend and her brother’s banter as she pulled on Brian’s hand. “Let’s have a snowball fight! Amelia and Jeremy against Brian and me!”
“I think we should humor her,” Amelia said as she started walking towards the door. “I mean… We hardly get the chance to actually see this much snow!” She opened the door and a gust of cold air blew into the room, causing Vivian to yelp and pull her woolly hat over her ears and her scarf over her mouth and nose. She in fact looked like a little marshmallow, which happened to be slightly roasted, thanks to her entirely white outfit and her brown boots, which could be seen only slightly from beneath her white pants, and her brown eyes, which peeped out from between her white scarf and hat. Without any warning, now that she was completely bundled up, she rushed out the door and into the snow.
“I love the snow!” the other three from outside as they rolled their eyes at one another about the exuberance of their friend, sister, and girlfriend.
“Vivian, don’t go too far from the building or we won’t be able to see you!” Amelia said with a laugh as she stepped outside, followed by Brian and Jeremy, and saw that Vivian’s outfit was nearly indiscernible from the snow. So indiscernible, in fact, that Amelia didn’t realize as she walked around that a certain large clump of snow was moving towards her. Well, she didn’t realize until a snowball hit her square on her face. “Oh, you’re so going to get it!” the girl clad in red said as she knelt down and made her own snowball. She threw it in Vivi’s direction but threw too high causing it too fly right over Vivi’s head and it ended up hitting Brian, who had been standing behind Vivian. Brian looked at Amelia, who shrugged apologetically and bellowed out a war cry, “AMELIA!”
Twenty minutes later, the snowball war was finished and Vivian had actually managed to coax her boyfriend into carrying out his promise as Jeremy and Amelia sat on a nearby bench, commenting on the structure of the snowman.
“No, you’re making the head to big, Vivi!” Amelia called from her seat as she kicked snow with the toe of her black boot.
“If you want to build it, you come here, Ames!” the pixyish girl said as she glared at her friend.
“Yeah, Ames,” Jeremy mimicked his sister’s high tone as he elbowed Amelia, causing her to elbow him back, causing him to kick snow at her, causing her to throw a snowball at him, causing him to push her into the snow and, thanks to his grace, landing atop of her, causing them both to laugh as he rolled off and the two lay in the snow, just looking up at the sky.
“Brian! Put the head on! I can’t lift it!” Vivian whined as she tried to lift what she had been working on for the last fifteen minutes. Brian looked down wryly at the girl and the large ball of snow and shook his head. He tried to pick it up several times and only on the fourth try was he able to pick it up. However, Amelia’s words held true. The minute he placed the head on the middle ball of the snowman’s body, the whole thing started to crumble beneath the weight.
“Noooooo!” Vivi said as she looked at her hard work crumbling into dust. “Oh well! Let’s build another one!”
The other three looked at one another and Jeremy cleared his throat. “Viv, we have to go,” he said softly, causing Vivian to look at him and pout.
“Fifteen more minutes?” she begged, fluttering her eyes at her brother, who shook his head.
“We have no more time, Vivi, you know that,” Brian said softly and the girl sighed as he put an arm over her shoulder. “We’ll come back next year.”
“Promise?” the white-clad girl asked and the dark-colored male nodded in response. “Alright,” and with that, she started trudging through the snow, back towards the edifice with the three following behind her. Once inside, they each picked up small duffle bags and walked to various stalls, closing the doors behind them. When they came back out, they were no longer wearing anything resembling clothes to wear while playing in the snow. Jeremy and Brian were wearing white tee shirts and jeans, Amelia was wearing a red tank top with a black mini-skirt, and Vivian was wearing a pink tank top with a pair of brown shorts. The former three wore flip-flops while Vivian’s brown boots were the only thing that hinted to the fact that the four had just been playing in the snow. They each walked towards a door with their bag hanging over their shoulder and when Brian opened the door, they saw the rest of their classmates who started to greet them and asked them how their day in the snow was.
The group walked outside with their classmates into the blazing heat and boarded the bus. Brian and Vivian took a seat, Vivian facing the window, looking back at the complex as the bus started to roll, until she lost sight of it. Then she turned her face down towards the bag in her lap as she took out the pair of gloves with which she had built a snowman only moments before.
“Damn.” Brian looked at his girlfriend, startled that the girl, the one who missed her childhood so much that she had never truly grown out of it, used such an expletive. “I hate global warming.”