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-   Poetry (https://www.menewsha.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=128)
-   -   its not that good but yeah (https://www.menewsha.com/forum/showthread.php?t=78169)

Tsuki-chan 11-17-2007 01:24 AM

its not that good but yeah
 
The flower so cold
Will wait for the day
Of the warm Spring breeze
No matter what though,
I shall wait here forever
Until the breeze shall blow

Tsuki-chan 11-17-2007 01:26 AM

im still an ameture, i made it on the spot

Equivalent Exchange 11-17-2007 01:45 AM

Please try not to double post.

Quote:

Until the breeze shall blow
I think the 'shall' in that line is unnecessary. It messes with the rhythm of the rest of the poem.

Tsuki-chan 11-17-2007 03:39 AM

meh too lazy this was just because i was bored *yawn*
i'm tired and such........ i am really bored yawn
I wrote this cause i was bored.....

lilaithia 11-17-2007 07:17 PM

I think that's very good for having made it up on the spot. :D


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