68. morals

my morals are simple
but yet complex
there are things
that we now call a contract
something neither of us want to break
but a rule system
to keep either of us from doing things again
or ever
no drugs
is under it
they are simple
but something the other won't break
it is that simple
or is it
I have a moral boundry
one most think should be higher
than it is
I would want nothing
it is for a simple reason
yes I know there are other ways around it
but no
I am not that way
it is something
I wish was not broken
how it was
the the difference
the things i can get
the difference in it all
the feeling
is something
I will never
be able to change the boundary
or my moral thought on it
ever again
for morals can't become more strict
only less

28. flirt

I don't understnad what this is
for if I think about it
as wanting ot look attractive
I never do that
I just
try to look civil
if it is wearing somethign so others want me
it is never that either
I wear what I want
when I want
if it is wearing a outfit that is reavealing
I do not do that
all that often
and when I do
it is
in my ming
a outfit
something fun
a costume
it is not to flirt
to tease the many guys
for you see
I tease only one
when I can
and that is the one who is willing ot be teased
so instead of other things
I am simply
someone who sits
and does what they want
when they want
with the life
not teasing
or flirting at all

69. biologically

I never thought the day would come
for you see
it was him
who always had everyone
tightly around his finger
it was them
that I was fond of
but saw
that this seemed odd
it wasn't
till many years later
that it showed a face
it was only then
that i started to understand
the chemistry
as he called it
biologically
as I do
that something happened
I had always stared off
in the distance
it wasn't that I do
or I don't like him
it is that I am taken
I had given my life
and many times
watching him
slowly
admiring
knowing he was out of my league
but so that might not be true
for in the end
it was odd
he saw straight through it
and took me down
calling it all
giving the one thing I hadn't had in ages
it hurt to know
how desperate I was
or was he
for he wanted to give something to me
and yet
I knowingly
knew it was not a good idea
in the end
for either way
it can not work
so I will continue to admire from behind
and understand
you are the biologically one
who works with me
that I will never have

100. where now?

I don't understand
what has happened to me
but i walk in
and remember
all the fun times I use to have
all the times I remember
being a fan girl
imagining cute guys
who never exist
idealizing the ones that do
but then reality hit
like a cold rock
on a summer day
it was nice at first
after initial shock
something to think wouldn't be bad to stay
but it dawns on me
I can never fully go back
for I now have things I can no longer have
when I am lonely
I can no longer just imagine someone
I need more
the human part of that
when things happen
I start to understand
I am still blind at times
as to what can happen
but it is also
people are finding things about me
that I never knew
did I want to know?
but now
growing up
I see the path
go everywhere
decisions I could make
instead of blindly taking a decent path
I have to come up with it all
and now
like always
I have to ask myself
where now?
should i go in my life

Okay, hopefully none of these are doubles from your first list. I checked against the one that's up there, and I don't think there are doubles. Well, here you go. Enjoy. ^^

1. “Love me, lie to me, but do not leave me!”
2. Growing up
3. Secrets
4. Intoxicating
5. Skin
6. Playful
7. Irresistible
8. Like a cat
9. “What are wings for if they cannot set me free?”
10. Girl’s night out
11. More than anyone else
12. Playing for keeps
13. Locket
14. Knocking on your window
15. Escape
16. On the verge of something brilliant
17. Bite me
18. Wild parties
19. Underneath your wing
20. Ghost Town
21. Marks
22. Forgetting
23. A time for everything
24. Sentimental value
25. Useless
26. The sweetest thing
27. The popular crowd
28. An outsider
29. Half in love
30. Fantasy
31. Dragon
32. Soft hearted
33. Connotations
34. “Oh! My love, with me you must contend.”
35. Lyrics
36. Sun
37. Vacation
38. Hideaway
39. Distance
40. Living and never loving or living and loving, but losing?
41. Liar, liar
42. Too close for comfort
43. Friends or lovers?
44. Let’s play a game…
45. The concept of forever
46. First things first
47. Taming the shrew
48. Old gods
49. Memories
50. Rebel
51. Inexperienced
52. “Free as a bird and just as lonely…”
53. Swearing
54. Musically Inclined
55. Creativity
56. Hands
57. Puppet
58. “What makes you so special?”
59. Copycat
60. Better off as lovers
61. Wrong
62. Inside out
63. Tuck me in
64. Social Circles
65. Refreshing
66. Tailoring
67. Design
68. Outfits
69. The many faces of me
70. Quality over quantity
71. Jewelry
72. Disguise
73. Baking
74. Just for you
75. Holding on too tight
76. Giving up
77. Learning to fall
78. Breathless
79. Paradox
80. Reason and Emotion
81. Submission
82. The flip side
83. Stuck in my head
84. Too young
85. “Dazzle me!”
86. The Stage
87. “The night is young…”
88. Response
89. Listening
90. “Because I am obliged.”
91. Dark Horse
92. Hiccup Cures
93. Compliments
94. Eyes
95. Bad timing
96. Picture
97. Too nice
98. Bittersweet
99. The road to hell…
100. “As you wish.”

wow, something very very fun to work with, thank you, I will update my new drabble once I am done with the old one.

85. relaxed

I am relaxed to know
that this will not change anything
or so I hope
it is something that scares me
it was something i didn't want to happen
not that night
not while fully alone
it was bad
and scary
there are things I know
things I don't want to know
as to why it all happened
hopefully I gave enough details
that you understand what happened
and where the boundary was
and why I
as scared as I was
begged for you to relax me
it is that feeling
that now lets me even attempt sleep
for I have not been able to for a very very long time
for the issue
is too daunting for me to understand
and it is that
for some reason
is the reason why
I was not able to
just relax

86. memories

I walk into an area
and now
when all is said and done
I am slowly losing
my memories
the time we spent together
the touch you gave me
that kiss
that opened my eyes
and let me do what I want when I did
it isn't that you get what you want
but rather I
and you can
it is not the best idea
but see
the memories
are fading
the emotions attached to them
always will be
it is these memories
I wish I could hold onto
and with them
take me to a place
where only those who can fly
may be
it isn't my fantasy
for it has already happened
but it is my memory
or this place
my memories of the fun
that must keep me going
while I am here
it is only the memories that we can latch onto
and it is those memories
that keep us going
through the hard times
so may we all rest in time
as we fall
into our memories

73. strong

I feel at times i forget
some of those things that was why we stayed
one was not liking the drama
or so I understand
I hate it
as do you
as to why I fell into a hole
where it came spilling
and enshrouding me
is beyond my comprehension
but it is that time
that one can remind me
of my strengths
when I feel that this is not what I want
and through it
I remember
that it isn't just the small things
but that maybe
just maybe
i have strengths
that are my own
that ones haven't found
that I haven't explored
but it is that in the end
it is nice at times to hear it
that I understand
that I am at a not very well understanding
of how strong I am
for I will never feel strong
but others
apprently
think I am

39. carrying

how nice it would be
for you to carry this
as i hold up my burden for you to see
just telling you gets rid of some of it
but at times
it is something I start to see
it is something
we each share
knowing the other chooses their own destiny
it isn't that we aren't there
but the idolizing of carrying
is over rated
maybe it is that I just need someone
maybe it is just that I end up disliking it all
and wanted to be lifted
as I was as a child
but in the end
it is something
that I don't want to understand
for please lift me
but not the way another does
but how you want to
it takes more than a slight amount
to watch
as I will want
to be carried
so I can be free
once more

74. weakness

there is a weakness
no matter what it is
in our time together
in the distance appart
we have come to the understanding
that alot is wrong
that we ignored alot
ath there is flaws in this all
that through it all
can we last through summer
and through it all
will you end up at my side
or whether my action
be it as it may
not be what I wanted
and instead
is something that I wish
had never happened
howw do I keep from this all
the scared girl
with weakness asks
for it is in this moment
that I understand
that it is that weakness
that others can feed on
and take
from me

18. soul

why did she say I have one
do I?
it is a play thing
something I found long ago shattered
nothing of importance
that is how it is
no one is allowed in there
no one sees it
it is locked
behind the closed doors
frozen in time
with pieces of it
like glass
broken out of it
fallen
floating far away from the core
part of me will die that day
and i will watch
as the piece
falls once more
how many pieces are there
have I given up on it all
or is it all simply that no longer
can I sit here
and play with it
for it now bites back
not wanting to be played with
but rather
seem to cause me issues
when I think it is all said and done
it seems to pull back and break
the soul
how fragile it is
once more

42. christmas

I have sat at christmas
many times
wondering
what if
what if there was something more
than just family
what if
I could spend the day
with someone
what if that day came
for me
it is true
i have never been with someone
for my birthday
or for christmas
it saddens me
but can we come out stronger
than the rest
and be with each other
and understand
what is going on
what is there here
that I wish to give
and the gift of giving
just sit
and watch
as christmas around me
surrounds everyone

24. angels vs. demons

it seems that every day
that it is jsut them
sitting there
watching
watching over the people
giving hte gifts to everyone
helping hte lost
to be found
helping everyone
to understand
that one day
it is all that it can be
hoping that one day
one can believe in them
it is those little pieces that make the difference
not the large ones
it is silly
for you see
it is all of that stuff
that causes one to see
where one can lead
the many many different ways
and in the chance to give it all
the angels what to be there
to be believed in
for they are
and with those angelic wings
they fly
helping all they can

24. angels vs. demons

the deamons
or so we call them
for we say it is them
who are to blame
when something is bad
it matters not who it is
why it is
it is always there fault
but one wonders
if they sit there
watching
or if they truly love to give the misfortune
that they can give
to everyone
just to laugh at them
in the end
but what if they have the feelings that they may have
that says it is all a lie
then is it us
who are the demons
or is it them?

99. opposites attract

is it just magnetic force
that we all have
or is it soemthing more
we are the different people
two sides of a coin
it is scary
I don't get along with people like you
like myself
but yet
someone balancing
is odd
there is always that question
would you be friends with yourself
but for all those quiet people
who say yes
would they ever even say hi
to their self
or would they never see each other
like the same side of a magnet repelling
but all those people
who have qualities
that are no where similar to you
seem to be the ones you find
it is hard at times
for you get pulled to them
and then later decide
they are annoying
but it seems
that it is the opposites
that attract
even if what is best
is the similar beings
that we all are

and now I am done with my first drabble set.

I am also off to Chicago tomorrow, and I gave myself that date to finish it. I must thank Psyrien for the new set, some of the later set is really me not on a great topic or something with no inspiration, but I am glad it is done. Also thank Psyrien for doing a lot of other things for me, I am thinking on publishing the first set and it's other parts later, and having a hard copy, but i am currently un sure if I want to work on that project, I might later when I have more time, but otherwise thank you everyone (probably only 1 person) who actually read these.

the finished list

1. X-boyfriend's
2. flowers
3. work
4. music
5. languages of motion
6. cosplay
7. first impression
8. never getting over it
9. raving
10. damsel or not?
11. Knight in shining armor
12. do you trust me
13. teaching
14. faults
15. kitties
16. in the closet
17. outer vs. inner self
18. soul
19. lover doves
20. return to innocence
21. classical music
22. the name
23. fallen
24. angels vs. demons
25. questioning
26. never ending dream
27. distance
28. flirt
29. the return
30. when nothing is left
31. decisions
32. ignorance
33. necklace
34. dating dislikes
35. hunger
36. physical
37. emotional without the physical
38. dances
39. carrying
40. presents
41. kiss
42. christmas
43. from the airport
44. sewing needles
45. I want only you
46. my precious
47. meeting
48. friends
49. hatred
50. locked door
51. crying
52. dreams
53. imagination
54. chat
55. return of post
56. lost time
57. finding gifts
58. bathes
59. I'm taken
60. personality
61. hands
62. anime
63. freight
64. knowledge
65. dominance
66. death
67. corruption
68. morals
69. biologically
70. beauty
71. preference
72. hugs
73. strong
74. weakness
75. thin line of control
76. the one
77. stalker
78. drama life
79. blunt
80. precious item
81. plushies
82. sleep
83. rules
84. worry
85. relaxed
86. memories
87. kisses
88. walking away
89. longing for
90. waiting for the return
91. the double edge sword
92. dinner
93. second guessing
94. missing someone
95. girly
96. breaking down
97. age
98. pictures
99. opposites attract
100. where now?

I would like to start the new drabble set on the new page, so I will be creating many posts as reflections of the last list till I reach the new page

I know that the series is long, but it is something that for better or for worse was 2 weeks of utter hell for me, and as such that is documentation of when I poored my heart and my soul into this drabble. So day I would like to hand my boyfriend or my lover everyhting that happened while I was with him, all the responses, all of the issues I have, for to read this all as a open book is something I wish I was more often

as for people in my life, I have had many, but most of who I wrote about I use there actual names, puppy, for who he really is, would hate me for calling me that, assuming he could hate, but at the same time I have come to the understanding that in the end, I have more issues than solutions and puppy is proof of me failing to be able to do what I want to do with a situation that came to me not as a surprise, but soemthing I saw coming and chose to be scare of it happening

His still existance and such is something that I am willing to accept onto myself as a reason of failing to act correctly in a situation for unlike most, I am not a bastard without knowing it is going to weigh me down for the rest of my life if I do what I do.

maybe that is why my new list is happy, actually that is probably why psyrien gave me a happier topic list, it is to keep me from the issues I have with myself and look for the good about myself that I refuse to accept at all times. instead I watch as I think of myself as a killer of everything and that no matter what it was, it would cause issues for us all, so I take the burden onto myself to be there as an emotional medic fro everyone but myself and only now am learning ot be selfish at all, for it is how I ended up living most of my life. I must admit that part of me has to be helped by my boyfriend who is giving me a different point of view on things, and keeping me from watching as my own pain kills me, for all of time.

Also i realize at some point that this all seems silly, for who in their right mind would poor out their soul into the vast internet that it is. But maybe that is the point, maybe that is why so many people are on at all hours, for it is that tin this library of knowledge that allows people to find anything and everything one must also understand that it is that library that causes the ones who are looking for help, and with that they wonder if someday, someway someone stumbles upon the ruins of their life and let it take form in the way that it is.

Maybe that is why I have written them, maybe that is why i am willing to ignore it all and say that it all doesn't matter, and that one day I will be happy watching and handing my life, in electronic or paper form to the one who I truly want to understand me.

Yes. I did give you a happier topic list for a reason. I didn't completely leave out the bad stuff, but I didn't want to give you a depressing tone for the whole thing. See, you would be bored or want gold and look at your drabble list for something to write about. You might have been in a wonderfully happy mood, but your drabble topic brings up something depressing that stirs up thoughts. It may not create the bad, depressed mood, but it would probably contribute to it.

...especially if this one lasts into winter. And I am not allowing you to write your own list during winter. I am writing them for you if you need new ones. xD

wahh, someone understands me!!! But yeah, I am not sure how long this list will last, but it is probably for the better if I don't make my own lists at all. (falls into a corner and sleeps off the tiredness.)

if it wasn't for the psyrien list, I might have been started already, but I would like to start on a fresh page rather than just leaving it where it was.

So silly thing, there is a wall of leather items across the small rail for mark's bed. not my fault at all!!!

it dawns on me I am no where near the person i use to be, the person I was when I first wrote the list, as such it is probably for the best that I am not that way. Maybe it is jsut me, mayb e it is everything, but I see myself looking back, wondering what I was thinking when I made the list, how love sick was I for the wrong guy, how annoyed and angry was I, but maybe that is jsut who I have always been, even now, but I am not so angry anymore.