70. Quality over quantity

it isn't the time I spend with you
but what we do
whether it is you
or me
I want us to live the lives we want
living the time we can
either together or appart
it is something that the quality
gave up when the quanity took over
and so we return
to the small time
destroying the small time together we have
for the quality of the time we have
i hope it works
i hope it is better
for it is problematic
if neither quality nor quantity return

random

the testing

it has begun
we both know it
better than before
but I wil lhave you pull the weight
I wil live you
not calling
not being so nice
it is the part of me
I don' deal with
the part of me
who will lash out
and see what you do
the blood drawn
from the weight
as I put on more every time
one fails
till one can not when
if they see it all
so it has begun
the weight
of it all.

random

I know I am the only two of us who actually cares
the only one who sees it still going
you know what is needed
but maybe that is it
right now
I need the push
the proof you are willing to spend the time with me
and have life in order
maybe that is why I have issues
maybe it is the fact
that right now
I will run away
till I can't
till you hold me on a leash
and won't let me go
I'll let you sleep
have your time
but if I become a mush
of lfesh
unable to want anything
understand
it is me
unable to continue
and you
never giving the push
to continue

5. Skin

the touch
the heat
the elasticity
of it all
the epidermis
of the end
it seems to cover
the change of color
the slight changes in pigment
but what makes it useful
it is simply a membrane
for the humans
but even for I
it matters a lot
how amazing it is
to use it
to change
how we are
how we torment it
with punctures
why do we abuse
our own
membrane
with it all
the piercing
of it all
and the amusements
we all have
and how much we take advantage
of it all
for that
we should all understand
it is the only thing
that holds us together
so then
why do we abuse
our skin?

97. Too nice

There are many people
that are simply too nice
who don't get the hint
who say it will get better
they are the ones
the girls call puppies
the ones that will never go away.
the ones
that are simply too nice
the ones
that are willing to
do anything
for a girl
anything
for the one they love
the one
who is constantly nice
at a moments call
do what one wants
but it is terrible
for too nice
gets them no where
they are simply
too nice
to be human
they are simply
a hopeful
puppy

46. First things first

to get started
but what is the first
the time one was born
when your parents got together
maybe it is just me
but no one
actually is first
the first is a priority
and that is that
the first things first
for me
is a priority
the most important thing
should be done first
the homework
the life
not my own fun
not fun times
not procrastination
it all negates
that it doesn't start anything
that it is the fact
that first is in fact
what is your priority
not what is first.

79. Paradox

that is all we all are
a paradox
a proof that we are human
a proof that maybe we aren't
the thought process one has
conflicts with one another
if it didn't
there would still be a shining knight
who lives for pure justice
and is in a small cage
of their own ideals
never thinking outward
to the rest of my life
paradox
is simply that box
that we all are
that is where when one asks you a question
you have two opposing answers
like continuing
knowing it will hurt you later
knowing that it does not matter
but in the end
have fun
continue through life
but then again
fun
even for me
is a paradox

83. Stuck in my head

music
the love I have
the people I am with
a few saying
everything I drabble about
the night last night
it all swirls
into my mind
not my class
not my thoughts
just the memory
of a simple though
a thought
that one day
I will wake up
thrown into a cage
and told this is the punishment one gets
for liking the pain
the fear I have
the guy
who walks in
and doesn't understand
don't interrupt the class
but yes
the night
the fact
I can see scenarios
depending what I do
swallow myself
and walk into a guys car
without back up
I've done it before
but should I?
maybe that is all it is
the events
that re in my head
with nothing more
that the decisions I make
leaving my head
not to be stuck
ever again

49. To do list

keyblade
broken bottles
models
vince's poster
find memory card

the fun ones
there is an anime one
and then the real one

the projects
for fun
take time off
work on homework
every day
all the time
work with myself
work on the world book
do something with myself
grocery shopping
cokking desert
bug Mark about it

it is all on the list
do I ever do it all?
no
time would be
impossible
for it all
but then again
can I say
that is the point
of the the to do list.

62. Inside out

that is what I am not
the time
maybe I am
the small simple
quiet girl
with glasses
asian
that is the outside
the rebellious person
who hides in a corner
but it is a pain
for me
the one who thinks
the one
who wants to donate food
donate blood
but knows I can not
thinking class
is just a lie
that is what we are
we don't wear our emotions
all over us
but then again
we do
the black trench coat
the all black clothes
slightly refined
slightly not
not dressed up
to keep self
from feeling pretty
ever.

16. On the verge of something brilliant

I love the urge
the feeling
that of will
the light turns on
not that is was ever off
the stars
the entire wanting
to do everything
the creative present
that i can not give over christmas
the feeling
that one day
we will do soemthing
something
only creativity can cause
but that is the point
in the end
it is worth it
to see
the brilliance
of it all
and then
the execution
which hopefully will happen
but most
never do

22. Forgetting

it is soemthing
i hate to do
but it makes sense
I wish i could remember
the time I heard one thing
the original saying of my life
but it is something
that if I could keep it
maybe it would be too much
for me to understand
to shift through
all of my life
all the memories
but takign a test
would be soo much easier
but then again
ti is why
we all have to forget
the bad times
the good times
and everything else
it is important
so we don't spend our lives
doing nothing
but sifting through our memories
and never able to analyze it
ever again

99. The road to hell…

it is the life I lead
the road I took
when I chose
to love
it is human
the choice
to walk someplace
without safely
it is all
the road to hell
the times that through the end
I will destroy myself
I will collapse
the day I stop putting effort into it all
but then again
it is those days
that i wonder
why is it
that the road
is the one we all lead
but yet
we are saved
or so it says
from the times
long ago
we live the road to hell
we see it all
the choices we make
bring us there
the selfish parts of ourselves
the sins we have
the lust I take
that will later create wrath
it is nothing but the road
we can not take back
but it is that every road
leads there
for a long time
we all live
the road to hell

60. Better off as lovers

do I say
that my current boyfriend
is better off as lovers
than friends
possibly
was it true for them all
no
it could go one way
it could go another
I for once
see it all
as a way
to keep me open
a way to actually keep us both
from hiding in the darkness
and staring out
that the world is at an end
that we are all doomed
we know we are
but the lust keeps us here
it is doomed we say
but yes
as lovers
it will hurt
as lovers we have chosen
that never again will we understand
that we know the other
but yes
for once
it is nice to have him
better off as a lover
as someone interested
than one
who just tears me apart
when I don't wnat to budge
and rips though my memories
and never understands
why I am cold
why I don't care
and why he is the same
that he feels nothing
yet at that point
I don't want him to feel different
I just want
to be there
when I can
to back him up
and keep him
from hiding in the darkness
of the world

71. Jewelry

it is something i just don't wear
it is just there
I like my rings
i like it all
but the collars
that is my jewelry
or accessory
for those fanatics
who hate what i call them
they are not chokers in my mind
they are cuffs
showing exactly what I am
a dog to the society
a play thing
a doll
to everyone else around me
that is why I wear them
the rings
they show I have a piece
that rebels
the ear cuffs
for those times
i want to look really really nice
knowing they accentuate nothing
even on me.
and now psyrien laughs at me
for it is true
everything I say
i want only one thing
how long has it been
since I wore a necklace
since i wore anything
I can not wear some
how long since my rings
months
days
i am no longer sure
my ear cuffs
are much later though
maybe one day
I will wear it all
but they just feel odd
like an abuse
to my real
beauty
if I have any

48. Old gods

I have the old gods
the spirits of the times
the many
the all who dwell
that is who I believe in
but the old gods
the cuthulu that I love
sits idly by my bed
remembering the days
he torched terror
why are the gods so idol
that everyone likes
but are put
into cute form
adorable I must admit
but cute none the less
it is hard to describe it
but as an old god
can we once more see how
once again
it is their past
that should be remembered.

95. Bad timing

the most required of anything
is the understand
when the awkwardness comes back
when it is simply
that nothing shows up
that I see the timing
bad or good
tell me that you like me
when I am literally dead
in the pits
and sobbing from injuries
that don't hurt enough
makes me stop
if I can hear you
it is a timing thing
understand how to get it perfect
how to keep it still
but it is fine
for one can see
that though our times
that is when I knew
not the times that I was on
or in your bed
but the times
that i woke up
from my pain
to see
that you were there
holding me
waiting for me to appear again
to keep me from falling into it again
for no other reason
than because you are there

33. Connotations

With the love we spend
the marks we have
it is all
but connotations of a love
is this time we spend
the time together
the time we complain
the time I run
to get what one wants
it is all simply
connotations of this all
and all the time
i think
of the stuff I will never get
the holding I will never have
but still hold
within my mind.

6. Playful

it is the time
we are so little of what we are
the time
we held it safely
to hold out
and play
it is all we have done
it is that we have a had a long time
since I have been played with
but those times
have since past
and it is that time
that it has been
and that we should play more
when I exist
that there should be nothing more that that
that I am merely the playful thing
the object of the play
and with that
when I am excited
it should be nothing more
that a slight tease
till I am called to arms
to return
to the doll that I can be.

2. Growing up

we are but grown up
maturity
when we see experiences
it is something i have a view of
it is something I am unhappy of
i sit
always older
always younger
it is why I don't like it at all
but yes
I see these people
who have done nothing with their life
these ones
who can see what it is
that experiences that they have
the times that they can have
and learn
process
it is all that we are
so tell me that sometime
we are growing up
to this is what we are
growing up
by understanding
and learning
our experiences

random

the pain I felt
knowing what I did
the hurt i caused
the issues it was
i am good at the clean up
but do agree
i wish I saw it coming
i wish we had
i wish you were right
only for it makes my life easier
don't worry
you ee
you are not bound to me
we are slowly peicing
every part
and through it all
understanding
that one day
this will all fall apart
and when it does
and we stop negotiating
I do agree with you
staying is more important with her
than it is with you
tthough sometimes
I wish i could call you
equals
to my game
of life.

76. Giving up

i have given up
taking care of myself
the worthless self
that seems no where
the one
that can be replaced
the one who knows she can
the one who sees that giving up
is an option
that it always has been
but maybe that is the point
i should do exactly that
give up on all that there is
give up to the world that knows me.
give up on the homework
that I have cast aside
give up on the people around me
and their feelings
one way or another
give up because in the end
I am replaceable
give up
for there is many people that can be what I am
maybe not one
but many
and that
is where
I can give up
for nothing matters
when one realizes
if parts of person here
and parts of person there
take these sections of my life
then i should just
give up living
a dream
that will never come

7. Irresistible

this is something
to the pieces
I can describe
to the dripping wet one
to the one
who through it all
his form
his look
how one holds himself
his manorisms
his proof
of being still
stable
and everything
all gone
all there
perfect
with the irresistible urge
to reach out
and touch
that form
which looks soo strong
to pet
to play iwth it
to carcass the skin
as one can call
to the eyes
so piercing
into myself
yet gentle
that
is the irresistible part
of him

10. Girl’s night out

The music
the night
the day out
the night
a small beat
the hum we have
the looking forward
to one thing
standing at the door
waiting for the train
waiting
talking
about the day
about life
things found out
ideas
people around us
taking it all in
seeing it all
then waiting
taking the train
walking off
the time together
still chatting
can't wait
till something is amusing
watching
the guy
waiting
wondering if what we see
what we are
if it is worth it
the night is soon
the night is gone
the music is here
listening
never moving
smiling
as the day continues
listening
jsut a small time
a few minutes
a half hour
a time together
listening
to what we love
coming back
happy as can be
a time together
talking
about nothing
but happiness
but music
and it's wonderful feeling
that is
what our night is

12. Playing for keeps

the game we play
playing black
playing white
it is just a piece to the other
just a piece to me
but I like it
I want that peice
you are nothing more
than a playmate
a play toy
to me
but I want to keep you
that is why
we play that game
and move
in reaction to others
pushing
waiting for a reaction
from another
it is for keeps
to keep one next to me
to not hold me up
but to be there
when I need one to hold
and for that
I play white
so I can keep something
in the end