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-   -   Story I'm working on. (https://www.menewsha.com/forum/showthread.php?t=85533)

Andom 02-09-2008 05:05 AM

Story I'm working on.
 
Yes, I know the plotline is fast-moving and thin at the moment, but I'll develop the plot. D: I promise. >_>;;


‘Just another day…’ the boy thought to himself as he awoke. He rubbed his eyes and grimaced at the taste in his mouth. He was too tired to have brushed his teeth the night before. He rubbed his eyes furiously before being satisfied. The alarm that had woken him up was blaring away happily. He knew he had to turn it off before it woke anyone else up. He quickly slammed his hand on the power button, and went to shower.

He was exhausted from the night before. He had spent two hours running around the track, stopping only twice for short water breaks. He was sore and his muscles were so tightly wound around his bones that every movement he made was stiff. The stinging hot needles that poured down his back made him loosen up, and he relaxed. He finished his shower slowly; it was rare that he got the first shower of the day, and he was very grateful.

He finished washing himself and stepped out of the shower, careful not to slip on the wet floor. He opened the closet door and realized that there were no more towels. He quickly came to the idea of sneaking into his parents’ bathroom and getting a towel from there. He gathered up the clothes he had used, and stepped out into the hallway. He noted the fact that no one was up, and began to creep down the small hallway.

He slipped through his parents’ room, dumped the dirty clothes into a small pile, and ran into their bathroom stark naked. He sighed in relief and dried himself off with a fresh towel. He made his way back into his room and slowly got dressed. He hated this part of the day. He was getting closer to leaving for school.

Above him, he heard the footsteps of his parents moving around and the water running through the pipes as one of the used the sink or took a shower. He sighed, once more, and left his room for breakfast. He ate quickly and cleaned up his dishes. He was dreading each passing moment.

He grabbed his backpack and headed for the bus for school. He arrived at the bus stop, and was filled with misery as he realized that the bus hadn’t come yet. He was angry, but he knew he had to keep his grades up. The bus pulled up, and he quickly sat in the first empty seat and filled the seat next to him with his heavy book bag. The bus began its twenty-minute bumpy, boring ride to the school. He was the last stop, after all.

He was shocked, then, when the bus lurched and came to a stop and a girl he had never seen before got on. There were no more empty seats on the bus, but the girl looked over to him hopefully. Her eyes were so big and perfectly framed by her sand-colored hair, that the boy reluctantly pulled his backpack onto his lap while rolling his eyes. She eagerly took a seat next to him, but didn’t say anything the whole bus ride.

When they were getting off of the bus, the boy began to shuffle away quickly, but a hand grabbed his collar and pulled him back. He was yanked behind a few trees and his eyes met the girl he had seen on the bus. She stared at him intently, and he could feel her eyes roaming his body and he felt exposed. He began to walk away after they stood for five minutes, but she pulled him closer. He opened his mouth to speak.

“Uh, we only have fifteen minutes to get to class,” was what came out. He couldn’t stop staring at her. She wasn’t the prettiest girl he’d seen, but she wasn’t bad-looking. She’d have quite a few guys flirting with her today, he knew it.

Sweet Lemon Effect 02-23-2008 03:31 AM

[color=darkred] Pretty cool little story, not bad at all. I'd have to see more to really judge it.

At first I thought it was a little heavy on mundane description, but it's descriptions are pretty uniform, so it fits it pretty good. *flips thumb up* Hope you continue with this.


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