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Looking for constructive criticism on a story I am writing
The following excerpt is from a freewrite/brainstorm I did for a short story I am working on. I wrote this as a sort of exploration of the narrator's "inner voice." The narrator's name is Benjy White, and he is a 15 year old white boy who likes to think he's "black."
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It seems interesting-ish from that, but also like it's kind of.. full of stereotypes? =/
He's not really acting 'black' though, just kind of.. stupid? I don't know. Just doesn't seem to fit, the word. *Shrug* The words are very straight forward, which is a very good thing. When it's indirect it's hard to follow. I'm guessing a lot of language will be used? xD Sounds interesting enough. I'd try to tell more about the Melly character, and why she's so obsessed and stuff. |
Vappor: Thank you for your comments, I'll try to take them into consideration. It's true that it's full of stereotypes, because he's acting the way he thinks a black person acts, completely based on stereotypes. I'd like to steer away from being fully stereotypical in the finished product, though. Yes, there is the language. I wasn't even thinking about that when I posted it. Melly's an interesting character, and will be much more developed in the actual piece. This isn't an actual excerpt from the story, but something I wrote while I was trying to figure out part of Benjy's character.
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