Two more parental issues...
 

So, as some of you who have been around the Life Issues forum for a while know...I don't exactly have the best relationship with my parents. Mainly my mother...but my father and I do have some communication issues, largely caused by our work schedules. And once again...I have two issues that I would like to bring up.

First, the not-so-serious one, but the one that needs to be resolved right away:
I'm a fairly new guitarist, but ever since learning a certain story about a certain artist...lets just say I've had a major confidence boost, and as a result, I've taken to the guitar like a duck takes to water. Even they've noticed that I'm improving pretty damn fast. But what they DON'T trust me on is knowing how to take care of my instrument.

Now, I recently bought a new electric guitar. It was quite cheap for a good-playing guitar (ESPECIALLY a left-handed guitar [I can't play right-handed due to an injury]), but of course, it had to sacrifice SOMETHING, and that something is that the hardware isn't the best out there. It's a little more high-maintenance than one of the higher-end models.

I've been very good about taking care of it; it was the most expensive thing I ever bought. But TODAY while I was practicing, my mother started SCREAMING at the top of her lungs (over nothing, as usual >.>;) and INSISTED I drop what I was doing and run out to help her. So I had to hit my amp switch with my foot and actually set my guitar upright against my wall (rather violently due to the speed) with the cord still plugged in (which quite hurt me to do) so I could run out and help her. With nothing.

I came back, switched the amp on, and there was this HORRIBLE loud buzzing noise. I figured that setting it down in such a violent way must have knocked some of the wiring loose, or kinked the cord. A test of the cord revealed that it was probably the former. Every source I checked suggested the same thing.

Now, if my mother found out about this, she'd have a cow. She'd blame the people who made it, call me stupid for buying from them, blame the guitar. She'd blame ME if I said what I did (even though it was very definitely her fault - she pretty much forced me). So I didn't say anything - I just sneaked out into the living room a moment ago (she's asleep), grabbed a screwdriver from the family tool box, opened up the control cavity and had a look. To my relief AND horror, I was absolutely right.

Now...I have to either explain the issue, or stop practicing until my dad brings home a soldering iron that I can sneak into my room. And the latter isn't really an option. :sweat: How do I do this without her having a fit and pointing fingers at everyone and their grandmother - but NOT HERSELF and NOT the fact that a low-end guitar could be EXPECTED to have low-end hardware?

And of course she's not gonna trust me to fix it, either - even though I'm quite good at soldering. Maybe I should just go to my dad instead? What do you think? At least he recognizes that I'm the guitar person in the family. He appreciates how they sound, but he recognizes that I probably know more about them than anyone else in the family.

Problem with that is that it's next to impossible to talk to him alone. Is it worth a try, or should I TRY and explain to my mom - WITHOUT pointing fingers?


Now, for issue number two - this one can wait a while, but it's a bit more serious:
I'm bisexual. Pretty open about it on the internet...because, you know, no threat of anyone beating me up/killing me for it. Not so true in my town, sadly. Not even my parents know.

Now, my parents...my mom actually kinda suspects me of being a lesbian, actually. I have a...very bad history with the male gender. She apparently thinks I only claim to like the guys I like as a cover-up, and it doesn't help my case that they're all JRock guys (she seems to think they're just the men I find "less unattractive"). And she makes fun of me for it...and it drives me crazy. This is only speculation she's making fun of me over. But she's said time and time again that she'd be fine with it if it were true.

My dad...I don't know what he thinks, but every time the possibility gets brought up, he just kinda...sits and nods when my mom says she'd be fine with it.

Problem is...I'm tired of being made fun of. I'd LOVE it if they could know the truth...but for one, I'm afraid my mom would spill the beans to someone who really shouldn't know, and for two, she'd make fun of me even more if her speculation were...half confirmed. And I have no idea how my dad would take it.

And then there's another issue with them not knowing:

My middle name is the same as the first name of the first girl I loved. But...well, I'm not going into the story, but it ENDED with me not even realizing how I felt until we were long out of contact. I haven't heard anything from or about her in years.

And despite the fact that I have told my mother time and time again to NEVER refer to me by my middle name...she does it. Because she thinks it's just "annoying," that it's "good-natured" teasing.

She doesn't know that it really fucking hurts, or why it hurts so bad. And I want so badly to tell her, every time she does...but I'm afraid to. I doubt it'll change it ("old habits," after all >.>;;), and...as stated, it'll just get me picked on more. Possibly even in the same way.

Every time I try to tell her to let up on making fun of me over DAMN NEAR EVERYTHING, including things that are (at this point) JUST SPECULATION...she tells me to lighten up; it's just a joke.

Maybe it was funny the first time. But now I'm not laughing because it's funny; I'm laughing because it's an annoyed habit I have. Her jokes get old FAST. But she just doesn't get that.

How do I bring up this issue, and how do I explain why I didn't say anything before, despite the insistence that it's no big deal? I tried saying something when Day of Silence was on the news, but I ended up chickening out.

If you can offer me advice on either of these issues, I would really appreciate it.

I feel for you on the second issue - one of my close friends' mother is convinced I'm a lesbian and that I'm having it on with her daughter. She makes fun of us for it while also kind of accusing us. Oddly enough, it's another friend that she's sleeping with, who the mother doesn't suspect.
My advice is to just put up with it, try to ignore it. From experience I know that what works best is to just joke along, then the hurt slowly goes away. And one day you can come out to them. Your father might not be that happy but he'd manage, I think.

Anyhow, about the first issue though - I'm really sorry but that one is your fault. I'm not saying it's the best thing ever to be shouted at to "immediately come here" - I get that a lot. Do the dishes, help with the garbage, this and that - and always so "urgent". Yet I always make sure that my prized possessions are safe. The extra minute that would get you perhaps scowled at for being late is totally worth your stuff not getting broken.
My advice on that is: Just take the extra minute - she might get mad at you for being a minute late but tell me, was that temporary "madness", maybe one or two sentences said in anger worth your guitar getting messed up? I don't think so.

Unfortunately, it's more than just scowling when I don't come running when she screams. Honestly, I'm pretty much terrified of her. Like I said...shes hurtful when she's in a GOOD mood. When she's in a bad mood...*shudder* It was enough to make me suicidal before I met my best friends and discovered my now favorite musician. She's actually been known to hit me for it when she isn't doing her "fragile delicate flower" act...I wonder if that would be considered assault now that I'm an adult? *looks it up* But either way...she always gets emotionally abusive. And if I weren't such a coward about the idea, you bet I would have reported her ass for it years ago. >.<;

But the point is...when she tells me to run, I run. Usually it doesn't come down to waiting an extra minute or possibly having to make a minor repair to one of my physical possessions...but when it does, I usually choose the latter, because if I can't, my dad can. He's REALLY good with fixing things. If there's a chance that something will be damaged beyond repair, though, then I can generally ignore her complaints and explain when she's OUT of attack mode. Fast physical repair > slow emotional repair > breaking ANYTHING beyond repair. That's my priority ladder.

Unfortunately, I forget that she'll bitch at me about having to fix certain things when those times come that I have to choose. Even though she doesn't have to lift a finger. >.<;

As for the other thing, I don't know if my dad would be UNHAPPY about it...or if he'd be thrilled that I'm "different," or if he'd just be completely indifferent. Probably that last one. But still, I worry about it. And I've tried joking with my mom, but...it never helps. I've tried sitting her down and explaining that some jokes were funny the first time, but have gotten old...but that doesn't work. She always asks me why I still laugh...and never believes me when I say it's an annoyed habit.

Really, I just need to move out and get away from her...and I've been trying since six months before my 18th birthday. >.<; But in the meantime...I'd really like to resolve these issues. She IS probably gonna be in contact with me SOMEHOW for the rest of her life, after all.

Well it's always rough living with parents. Moving out is tough too but it seems to me your ready to move on. Anyways, as far as you coming out to your parents that is up to you when you are ready. Don't feel rushed, it seems to me that your parents are probably aware of it hence the teasing and them telling you they'll be okay with it. Let me tell you mothers tease..your mom sounds like mine though we get along better now. I think once I got a steady relationship for several years and everything came to a hault her teasing became..less effective. Now a days I tease her lightly of course. =) Because of course she needs to take a joke. These days it's about her escapades with george cloonely.
As far the guitar goes well I would tell your dad. Even tell him that you have a hard time explaining it to your mom. Don't complain about your mom! Just tell him that she has a difficult time understanding your relationship with the guitar and ask if there is a better way of informing her or perhaps he can accompany you when you tell her. You can also try a letter.