Koneko Sonet: Four Sonets to One Cool Cat (Colin)

Hmm, I wonder, do you remember me?
You must have worried that thought about me
The truth is I did, if only you knew
I was simply too shy to look at you
Twas fate meeting you because of my cat
The sad irony of it all was that
When you spoke to me with gathered courage
I avoided you, lacking your courage
But later when I had it, you did not

Where I was concerned, did you give up hope?
I didn't and sometimes I couldn't cope.
Each school day was like another storm
You were the rainbow that made each day warm
YOu, the object of my admiration
Throughout every day's boring duration
You made each and every day bearable
When you and your splendor were viewable
Disappointed when I didn't see you
Yet when I did, I pretended not to

For all that, I am so very sorry
The rare times when you did reach out ot me
I was cruel and rude and shunned you aside
You asked me questions, or at least you tried
In an attempt to not hurt you, I lied
You'll never know how much I was sorry
You'll never know how much I thought of you
Never know how very much i liked you
Thinking about the day you'd leave, I cried
You were the object of my daily spy
Please don't hate me for liking you that much
Ever sine I saw you, you were my crush
I wished that you and I would never part
We were too shy, so you must stay in heart.

I wonder if you felt the same as me
If you also had a secret crush on me
I f so, it is beyond being tragic
That would be very sad and ironic
We hardly knew one another, I know
At the same time I loved what I did know
Would I still feel the same if I knew more?
Or would my feelings for you have no cure?
Do you care about this poem from me?
I still wonder, do you remember me?
I'm the girl who took the kitty cats
As their owner, do you remember that?
I definitely can say that I do
Remember that I will always love you.

Acrostic Friends (Shawna is unfinished)

Caring
Oblivious
Literal
Loving
Easy going
Elusive
Naive

Sullen
Hyper
A
Wacki
Negative
A

Stylish
Aproval-seeking
Buys a lot at the mall
Rich
Innocent
Nice
Artistic

Daring
Assertive
Never gives up
Agressive

Gothic Pilgrim

There was a goth
Her name was Jane
She wanted to die because of all the bane,
But wouldn't be caught dead with that name
She liked metal, emo, and rock
Never would she admit herself as goth
She was jealous of the cheerleaders and their cronies
She thought they were all phonies
Maybe she just hated them because they gave her no sympathy
She hated everything and wanted anarchy
She wanted to escape to Satan, her idol in Hell
She was an all-American rebel
She was anti-government and anti-school
For that reason, she thought she was cool
But young Jane was really quite plain
She hated anything happy
Bright colors, she said, were sappy
Everything she wore was black,
Even her socks
Yet she denied being goth.

Behind whatever face expression I wear, I feel:

Amused
Better than you
Cold
Determined
Enimgatic
Frustrated
Grateful
Hopeful
Indignant
Justified
Kool
Lonely
Mature
Nostalgic
Old
Pessimistic
Quixotic
Remorseful
Scared
Thoughtful
Unique
Victorious
Wise
Xcited
Young
Zealous

My Objectivity

"You're a good artist," I say to the girl I hate.
Because she is a good artist.
And why should my hatred for her
Blind my recognition of the truth?

"I think he's cute," I say about the boy I hate.
Because he is cute.
And why should my hatred for him
Blind my recognition of the truth?

So when you hear what I say
Believe what you hear
Because regardless of how I feel
I speak the truth.

A Dolt

You think you're all grown up.
Drinking your latte,
Getting drunk on drugs.
Having sex with a stranger.
Showing off your body,
With all its holes and graffiti.
Dangling your keys.
Going to work,
Speeding by with your music blaring.
Talking on your cell phone,
Saying a cuss word every few lines.
Funny how 16 is so similar to 26
Maybe you'll grow up in another decade
But I wouldn't count on it.

Beautiful Hypocrite

You say America is beautiful,
The country full of bums and slobs like any other.
You say nature is beautiful,
Yet you allow trees to be cut down to build your shack.
You say life is beautiful,
The harsh life you try to hide from yours kids.
You say child is beautiful,
The same child who spreads crime and ridicule.
You say woman is beautiful,
A human being you cheapen and degrade.
You say man is beautiful,
He who will stab you in the back if it would benefit him.
You say God is beautiful,
Yet you curse him everyday.
You say language is beautiful,
But you ruin it with swears and slangs
You say music is beautiful,
The sounds that echo anger and hate.
You say the world is beautiful,
This world with all your ugliness.

Wicked World (entire date unknown)

Soul and spirit
Heaven and earth
Bind us together
From death to birth

Withered Flower (entire date unknown)

What's done is done
What's said is said
So don't have a heart attack
Just lie in bed

Boys

Boys aren't allowed to cry
Boys aren't allowed to scream
They are only allowed to feel anger
They feel anger because they're not allowed to feel anything else.

Why I Write

I write because I can't play.
I'm no longer a child.
I write because I can't speak.
I'm all alone.
I write because I can't cry.
I have no time for tears.
I write because I can't dream
I have no time for sleep.
I write because I can't sing.
I don't want them to hear me.
I write because I can't scream.
I don't want them to judge me.
I write because I can't kill.
Thank goodness I can write.

THE WORLD Wants Me To CHANGE But I Say CHANGE THE WORLD!

ideas:
CHANGE is for people who DON'T KNOW WHO THEY ARE.
ETHNIC PRIDE is for people who are RACIST.
HOT PLACES are for people who LIKE HOT WEATHER.
MARRIAGE is for people who need to spend money in order to make a COMMITMENT.
MEDICINE is for people who believe in PLACEBO.
NATIONAL TRADITIONS are for people who only want to celebrate on HOLIDAYS.
NATIONALISM is for people who are BIASED.
RELIGION is for people who can't face REALITY.

appearance:
ARITIFICIAL TANNING is for people who can't get a REAL TAN.
BREAST IMPLANTS are for people who want BIG UTTERS.
CONTACTS are for people who are afraid of being called NERD.
FAKE NAILS are for people who have UGLY NAILS.
HIGH HEELS are for people who are SHORT.
MAKE-UP is for people who want to hide their UGLY FACE.
PERFUME is for people who STINK.
PIERCINGS are for people who would shoot themselves for ATTENTION.
STYLE is for people who don't know what they really LIKE.
TATTOOS are for people who would cut themselves for a BIRTH MARK.

technology:
CELL PHONES are for people who can't WAIT.
CYBERING is for people who can't GET ANY in the REAL WORLD.
TECHNOLOGY is for people who can't SURVIVE.

tv:
3D ANIMATION is for people who don't appreciate GOOD ART.
GAMESHOWS are for people who are LOSERS.
TALKSHOWS are for people who enjoy watching the drama of IGNORANT PEOPLE LIKE THEMSELVES.
PORN is for people who are hungry for SEXISM.

music:
CONCERTS are for people who care about the SINGER more than the MUSIC.
CONTEMPORARY MUSIC is for people who have never heard GOOD MUSIC.
RAP is for people who can't SING.
REMAKES are for people who have no IMAGINATION.

social:
BOREDOM is for people who HAVE NO LIFE.
CLIQUES are for people who can't BE THEMSELVES.
COFFEE is for people who can't stay AWAKE or feel GROWN UP without a DRUG.
CUSS WORDS are for people who have no VOCABULARY.
DRUGS are for people who are UNHAPPY WITH THEIR LIFE.
FRIENDS are for people who can't make it ALONE.
INSULTS are for people who have run out of ways to ARGUE.
SEX is for people who don't know how to MAKE LOVE.
SPEEDING is for people who are SELFISH and INCONSIDERATE.
PARTIES are for people who have NOTHING ELSE BETTER TO DO.

CONFORMING is for people who CAN'T THINK FOR THEMSELVES.
HUMANS are HYPOCRITES.
I won't CONFORM.

Homeward Bound

I'm sitting in the classroom.
Got a paper due soon.
From one room to another, my binder and books in hand.
And ev'ry class is neatly planned for a student and 12 brains.
Homeward bound,
I wish I was,
Homeward bound,
Home where my thought's escaping,
Home where my music's playing,
Home where my IMs lie waiting
Silently for me.
Ev'ry day's an endless fest
Of lectures and tests.
And each person looks the same to me, the phonies and the druggies
And ev'ry stranger's face I see reminds me that I long to be,
Homeward bound,
I wish I was,
Homeward bound,
Home where my thought's escaping,
Home where my music's playing,
Home where my IMs lie waiting
Silently for me.

Tonight I'll sing my songs again,
I'll play the game and pretend.
Spinning the wheel of mediocrity
Like emptiness in harmony I need someone to comfort me.
Homeward bound,
I wish I was,
Homeward bound,
Home where my thought's escaping,
Home where my music's playing,
Home where my IMs lie waiting
Silently for me.
Silently for me.

Sakura, Choucho, to Watashi (The Cherry Blossom, the Butterfly, and Me)

My brother says the silence is peaceful like sakura.
To him the cherry blossoms are just a nuisance,
Always blowing in his face.
He likes them silent and still.
The pink petals are like words echoing in my head,
As they drift through the air,
falling to a soft death.
I want more.

How did this love begin?
The tenth of May,
almost four rings ago,
I was found by two trees
Under the crescent moon.
One, the innocent sakura.
The other, an ugly one,
With twisted roots and no name.
Both one ring older than I,
And yet both so different.
The sakura was in love with me.
I met him the day after his birthday.
It was like we were meant to be.
But I was too busy,
Playing with a kitten,
And ignored the beautiful blossoms all around me.
The butterfly was nowhere in sight then.

In two rings time, the kitten had left me.
I had disposed of the ugly nameless tree.
It would have been just me and the sakura.
But the butterfly had returned.
She was only a mere silhouette,
A fickle, flitting thing
But she captured his heart.
He used to love only me.
Now he loves only her.
I fell in love with him
On the butterfly's birthday.
The first day of the seventh moon.
A tragedy so meant to be.
I, unlike them, had a destiny
To be alone for all eternity.
And yet how I longed to be with the tree forever.
Alas, we could never be together
As long as the butterfly stood between us.
His petals had all fallen by late February,
And he chose her over me.
My heart was left empty and forsaken,
Every torturous moonlit night reminding me of him.

Now Winter has come again.
The tree is slowly blossoming once more.
I lay submissively under his cold shade,
Waiting anxiously for more petals
To grace my ears and eyes.
But the ambitious wind has stopped blowing.
I'm just a temporary substitute
For the one he really wants
to sit beneath his branches.
How long will the season last?
How long before she returns?
Surely every last petal will fall,
And once again I will be without
my addiction, my obsession.
Never have I loved someone
So much as I love you.

Haiku: Human Ages

Adults are boring
Teens and dolts are imbeciles
But children are fun!!

One of a Kind

roles:
What kind of 21st century person doesn't have a cell phone?
What kind of abortion advocate loves babies?
What kind of Algebra ace can't add 19 and 12 without a calculator?
What kind of depressed person wears tie-dye and listens to oldies?
What kind of explorer likes routines?
What kind of good student is lazy?
What kind of heterosexual female finds females to be the most beautiful sex?
What kind of music lover doesn't want to buy CDs or go to concerts?
What kind of sane person talks to her multiple personalities?
What kind of sister likes the company of her brother?
What kind of slow driver walks fast?
What kind of taciturn makes a hobby out of annoying strangers online?
What kind of technology hater spends most of her time on the computer?

mythical:
What kind of devil is a law-abiding virgin?
What kind of elf is so tall?
What kind of God is full of spite?
What kind of princess is cheap and uncouth?
What kind of warrior is delicate, fragile, and weak?
What kind of wine goddess will never drink wine?
What kind of witch has no magical powers?

labels:
What kind of agnostic places such an importance on morals?
What kind of Asian doesn't have black hair or small eyes?
What kind of beauty is either ignored or insulted?
What kind of brat says a prayer of thanks everynight?
What kind of egotist is haunted by self-doubt?
What kind of feminist hates women?
What kind of hippy is pro-war?
What kind of loner is never bored?
What kind of misanthrope falls in love?
What kind of nerd hates school?
What kind of otaku isn't obsessed with Japan?
What kind of tomboy hates boys and sports?

ages:
What kind of child is wise, mature, and doesn't want to play with other children?
What kind of girl doesn't wear make-up or high heels?
What kind of teenager doesn't like cussing, speeding, sex, or drugs?
What kind of college student doesn't drink or go to parties?
What kind of adult doesn't want to drive, work, marry, or live on her own?
What kind of human is so anti-social?

Me, that's what kind.

Gii

No more guilt
No more shame
No more doubt
No more blame

I love me
I don't love you
I make me smile
You make me blue

Haiku: I Am a Volcano

Most of the time I
lie silent and dormant, but
when I blow . . . watch out!

I'm a volcano!
A rainbow obsidian!
I am a hero!

I Am: Eighth Grade

I am a witch.

I say "Daimon!" as I open my briefcase.
I dream about Professor Tomoe.
I pretend to be Sailor Chibi-Moon.
I feel hyper around my fellow Sailor Senshi.
I see my SMZ story unfold.
I am a witch.

I smell the food I brew in my Life Skills cauldron.
I hear the teachers conspiring.
I watch Madelena trying to cause more trouble.
I hope Colin doesn't forget me.
I taste duck and rabbit for the first time.
I want to hurry home so I can annoy people online.
I am a witch.

I click n' build my website.
I worry when Cyprian is angry with me.
I wonder if Christianity is really the best religion.
I cry when Dad makes me angry.
I understand that I'm luckier than most people.
I try not to be jealous of those who have more than me.
I am a witch.

I Am: Ninth Grade

I am a music note.

I see gothics for the first time.
I understand the basics of the Spanish language.
I worry about what people think of me.
I feel good in P.E. for once.
I taste the water from fountains as a way to escape participating.
I am a music note.

I hope Colin will talk to me.
I pretend he has sent birds to spy on me.
I dream about Seaton, my new crush.
I wonder who my clone is.
I am a music note.

I watch stupid girls putting on makeup in the locker room.
I cry when Shawna tells me she doesn't want to be my friend anymore.
I smell Dad drinking again.
I want the end of the human race.
I am a music note.

I try to be grateful for what I have and don't have.
I say I'm the best in the cosmos.
I touch all the pages of poetry I write.
I hear the beauty of my piano.
I am a music note.

I Am: Tenth Grade

I am a feather.

I wonder how the world will end.
I dream of a deep raspy voice asking me if I'm ready.
I see the Twin Towers destroyed by terrorists.
I understand that there must be evil in order for good to exist.
I cry tears of joy when I think about how lucky I am.
I am a feather.

I worry that I'll faint during my presentation.
I smell the formaldehyde from the worm, frog, and rat I dissect.
I try to get better grades to compete with Quag.
I want to learn more about psychology.
I hope I learn to drive well.
I say hi to Colin finally!
I am a feather.

I feel so at peace when I'm in nature.
I pretend I'm a graceful princess.
I watch a bug following the movement of my finger.
I touch the wind grapsed in my hands.
I hear the trees applauding me.
I am a feather.

I Am: Twelfth Grade

I am a flame.

I dream in Problem Solving class instead of solving problems.
I hope I'll pass Chemistry.
I understand proverbs better than the other kids.
I watch the first graders my Psychology class tutors.
I worry about what college I should go to.
I hear all my classmates doing drugs.
I am a flame.

I say I hate humans.
I cry when they make me angry.
I smell the cigarette smoke at Shawna's house.
I taste bitterness.
I want to be young again.
I try not to let people get me down.
I am a flame.

I touch my new Dell computer.
I pretend I'm from a violet planet.
I see the new website I made.
I feel flattered when Clef says nice things to me.
I wonder how Colin is doing.
I am a flame.

I Am: College

I am a heart filled with acid rain.

I hear my professors lecturing on what I read the night before.
I try to be brave during oral presentations.
I see my classmates are all dolts.
I pretend I'm in Europe when the clock chimes at noon.
I touch Tree #102 as I wait to be picked up from school.
I smell bark dust everywhere in this new state.
I am a heart filled with acid rain.

I understand Darien loves Megumi.
I cry when he hurts my feelings.
I dream about him almost every night.
I hope he will love me again one day.
I wonder if I'll ever find my soul mate.
I am a heart filled with acid rain.

I feel guilty about little things I've said and done.
I say "Gii!"
I watch a lot of new anime from Netflix.
I taste less food so I will stop getting fatter.
I worry about my blood clot, wisdom teeth, and the hole in my eye.
I want the real world to stop hassling me.
I am a heart filled with acid rain.

Always a Woman

I can kill with a smile

I used to have the prettiest smile, but it faded with time, as everything did. It would look so beautiful and natural in my pictures of plenty, unlike other people's picture smiles that looked forced and strained. My teeth are one of the few things I've been complimented on; people tell me they're so white and straight and ask me if I ever had braces. I've only had retainers, a fact I'm proud of. My always-critical mother, however, tells me my teeth are quite yellow. After middle school, it became harder to make a smile. My smile wouldn't look so good anymore. It looks like one side of my mouth is smiling and the other isn't. In eleventh grade, I would try so hard to smile, but I couldn't make my mouth move at all. My vision clouded over like I was going to faint. I felt like I was going to cry. Tis like the inside of me won't let me smile, saying, "No! I will not put on that mask anymore! I will not pretend I am happy when I am not!" I've been acting all my life, that forcing emotions and expressions has been automatic. Maybe I can't take it anymore. . . . No matter how hard I try to pretend and please, the other part of me (one of the twelve) doesn't want to continue the charade. Although I'm sure at the end of the human race, I could manage a smile, and a pretty one at that. Because there would be no lies or pretense behind that smile.

I can wound with my eyes

I have my mother's brown eyes. She is Chinese and my father is German and Irish. I look more white than Asian. I'm a tall 5'6" with wavy reddish brown hair and tan skin. No one can ever guess what ethnicity I am. But when I tell them, suddenly they see that my eyes look Asian. It must be just the power of suggestion, because they never guessed I was Asian before. My eyes are brown, but not slanted or small. They probably ignore my eyes most of the time and only see the glasses I've been wearing since fifth grade (different frames, of course). People see my glasses and my quiet nature and immediately label me as a nerd, despite any evidence to the contrary: I'm really quite average when it comes to academic intelligence; I've only gotten straight A's once in my life; and I've gotten into trouble many times. Plus I hate school, and I'm not a show off . . . or at least not since I got in trouble for it in elementary school. People stereotyping me and making fun of me is the reason for my constant scowl and silence.

I can ruin your faith with my casual lies

I've always been a master of acting and lying. My imagination has helped with that. I've lied for as long as I can remember. I would successfully bring my yellow blanket I called Froog to pre-school, even though it wasn't allowed. I hid it well though, so Dad never saw it with me when he brought me there. In first grade, I'd make up elaborate stories. In the classroom, I bragged to the kids around me ~ the gross things I supposedly did. At recess, I created a story called "Ally and Me" and acted it out by myself. All through elementary school, I refused to be called by the name I was given, and I would change my name every few months or whenever I felt like it. Because of these things, people thought I was weird, and I had only two or three friends. In late elementary school, I began the act to try to repair the damage that couldn't be undone. I taught myself to restrain the wild side of me and remain silent at all times . . . until I got home, of course. It only helped to prevent me from getting in trouble, but it didn't help me make friends because now instead of "weird," I was seen as "nerd." The silent act became commonplace, and I continue the act to this day. I was able to be myself on the Internet, which I got in seventh grade. I got to exercise my creativity by telling strangers my fake name, age, and location. I acted out a new and organized identity on each and every one of the hundreds of AIM screen names I used to harass people with. I'd be a good professional actress if I wasn't so shy.

And I only reveal what I want you to see

No one knows the real me--not my friends, not my family, and definitely not my classmates. As I said before, my classmates think I'm a nerd in every way. My relatives think I'm a typical teenage girl--into parties, diets, alcohol, make-up, high heels, shopping, and boys. I usually stay silent, so people have no reason to think otherwise. I've tried telling my relatives I'm not interested in the things other teenage girls are into, but they shrug it off and assure me that I will be when I grow up. I'm more grown up than any of them, but they don't see it. I tend to keep everything about me a secret because people either don't listen, don't believe, or don't care. They all die in the end anyway, so why waste my breath?

I hide like a child

I haven't changed at all since childhood except with the act I put on to the public. I was always a wise child, doing what I wanted for good logical reasons and questioning the conforming illogical actions of my peers. Depending on how you look at it, I could be the most mature or immature child and the most mature or immature adult. My immaturity as a child was shown by my reckless attempts to gain attention, and my maturity as a child was having the ability to be serious, reserved, objective, solitary, and never laughing at words like "penis" and "Uranus." My maturity as an adult is shown in the same ways. But I may be seen as an immature adult because I still depend on my parents for food and shelter, I never go out alone, I play video games for fun, I don't want to grow older, and my little brother by seven years is my best friend who I hide with at social gatherings. But in my opinion, true adult immaturity is cussing, doing drugs, having sex with strangers, and conforming. I don't do any of that, so I think I am truly mature and wise, even though I'd prefer to stay in a teenage body with the protection and care of my parents forever.